


Infatuation Conundrum

by shurb



Series: Tales of a Bitter Man [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Animal Death, Attempted Poisoning, Catatonia, Catatonic Depression, Childhood Trauma, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Kidnapping, M/M, Paranoia, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 76,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25840174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shurb/pseuds/shurb
Summary: He had expected more from life.Being let down was his own fault. Set high expectations, and you will ultimately be let down.And then this plastic giant turns up, and makes everything even worse.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, reed900 - Relationship
Series: Tales of a Bitter Man [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932106
Comments: 50
Kudos: 153





	1. You've gotta be shitting me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a nice morning with Gavin Reed.  
> Except that it isn't nice.

The day started like any other in his wonderful and non-chaotic life: Fucking peachy. "Peachy" in the sense one tells oneself when they can't admit that they have problems.  
But Gavin indeed did not have any problems. He was just an angry asshole, whom nobody liked.

And after months following the peaceful revolution he just was an even angrier asshole, whom people despised.

His head and back hurt when he sat up on his bed, the floor he put his feet on was too cold, and everything just felt annoying; and he hadn't even gotten shitfaced last night.  
The sky was still dark outside.  
Gavin just wanted to stay in bed, but he'd rather bring Hank a coffee, than let him best him as a detective with this fancy plastic toy of his. He pushed himself off the mattress with a suppressed groan, and walked to the small bathroom, in his small-ass apartment.  
The bathroom had a shower stall, so when his body protested at times, just giving his muscles the worst of aches for no fucking reason, he couldn't even take a hot bath. Not that he would let himself take a _hot_ bath. Cold all the way - to strengthen his immune system or something.  
There was no color except white in this room. From the plastic brims of the shower, the obvious necessities like the sink and toilet, even to the shampoo bottles. Cheap, nameless brands he didn't give a shit about what they were called.

The lack of a laundry basket, and his general disinterest in keeping things around him organised, caused clothes to lie all around his apartment. It had the obvious disadvantage that came with a cat: Hairs. Hairs fucking everywhere. But he still didn't pick them up or at least put them in the washing machine, or somewhere where Ava couldn't reach them. She wasn't a cat that lost too many hairs, and as long no one commented on his looks, everything was fine and dandy.

He took off his boxers and shirt, and stepped into the shower. The water splashing over him was freezing cold, and he held back a gasp at the shock his body received this early in the morning, piercing his nerves. It had been around 5 AM when he had woken up. He could've slept longer, theoretically. But sleep wasn't an easy thing to come by anymore. It had all started with this damn revolution, and the following rights slowly establishing themselves into the law. Into his life.  
_"Oh, Gavin, why do you treat them so badly?"_  
_"Gavin, stop harassing them!"_  
_"Androids are people, too!"_  
The point was, they weren't. End of every discussion he had had with his peers, with Fowler. Even Tina. They were ruining his life, couldn't his friend see? If he could even call her that anymore. They were talking less and less during breaks, and he wondered if he had finally managed to scare his last friend away. He honestly shouldn't be surprised. He was a fucking delight to be around; if the delight was filled with sarcasm, bad jokes and suppressed self-loathing.

Hank and that tin can were going to replace him! Some other plastic was going to arrive and take his spot, because what reason was there that Fowler wouldn't simply kick him off the DPD? Still the devoted android-hater himself, but his captain had turned around a month after the revolution and become the new ass-kisser to those things!  
He felt threatened in his existence as a detective, constantly waiting, anticipating to hear those words from Fowler: "I'm sorry, Reed. But you're not needed anymore. Your behaviour and uncooperativeness aren't fit for this job."

Gavin turned off the water, and stepped out of the small space with shivers running down his body, and quickly got to drying himself with a white towel.  
He stepped in front of the mirror over the sink, and regretted it immediately. He was beginning to look more and more like a corpse. But at least he was okay. He was fine.  
Fowler surely wasn't going to fire him over dark rings under his eyes, hallowed out cheeks or the paleness of his skin, was he?  
He scratched the stubble on his chin, deciding that it was still short enough to look okay. He didn't feel like shaving.

Once stepping into the bedroom he noticed that a certain someone had snuck onto the bed from their own little home in the living room.  
"Morning, Ava," he greeted, before walking to his closet to choose an outfit for the day.

The closet and bed were two of the few things occupying the room. There was a nightstand on one side of the bed, the one near the side he usually woke up on, and a desk with a chair. The top was bare, except for the small lamp.

A growl of anger left his throat as he realised that there was barely anything clean in there, let alone for spring. He really needed to wash his clothes soon.  
So he grabbed a used long sleeved white shirt and dark blue plants, along with clean underwear and put them on. The white of the shirt hid the white hairs of Ava perfectly. And since the little kitty didn't like to lie on his pants they were relatively okay-looking.  
"Listen, Ava. We're a team. We have to work together. Maybe you could start with lying on the couch like most cats do," he walked over and sat next to her, stroking her angel-white fur. "Then you could start picking up my clothes for me? How's that sound?"  
The kitty just stretched her arms lazily and jumped off the bed.  
"Oh c'mon, I thought that was a pretty good proposal."

Gavin followed her into the kitchen, which was basically the same room as his living room, as there was barely any wall separating the two spaces. Not even a goddamn door.  
"Ah, of course. We only talk in deals," he commented when seeing Ava sitting down patiently next to her bowl.  
He grabbed the dry cat food from the upper shelf and poured some of it in. She immediately went for it, like the ferocious beast she was.  
"Okay, how about a 10% increase of your treats if you start washing my clothes for me?"  
Her ear twitched at the sound of the familiar word "treat", but she just continued eating her breakfast.  
"Alright, you're a hard negotiator-" he stopped himself from talking little too late. Great, now his morning was more ruined than before. The first connotation he has with the word "negotiator" is "RK800". And the least thing he wanted to think about in the morning was that arrogant asshole.

He refilled Ava's water bowl with fresh water before turning on the coffee machine. While his coffee was brewing, he went to his bedroom to grab his smokes, and opened the living room window. Cold air permeated the stale one in the room, and he shivered. He had been feeling more prone to the cold for a few weeks now. He didn't understand why his body was being a little shit, as it was slowly getting warmer, at least during the day. It was almost April, for god's sake, and he needed both his shirts and jacket to feel comfortable.

The lack of noise from the coffee machine signalled him it was done brewing, and he walked back to the kitchen to make himself a cup.  
Two sugar, no milk. He sat down on the sofa next to the opened window with a groan, and lit himself a cigarette. He held it between his thumb and index finger, and watch the smoke rise towards the ceiling, only to disappear slowly.  
Gavin jumped when feeling a sudden weight on his lap.  
"Oh no," he huffed, placing the cig on the ashtray on the small coffee table, "daddy does not play while he destroys his lungs, you know that!"  
It was enough that he was inhaling the smoke. He didn't need his cat to do the same. So he gently put her back down on the floor, and she trotted off, insulted by the little attention she was being given.

An hour passed in which he just stared out the window, watching the sun rise, grabbing his second coffee, lighting his third cigarette.

When he finally admitted to himself that he was not going to make himself any sort of nutritional breakfast, Gavin grabbed his leather jacket, keys, phone and wallet, and was out the door after closing the window, and giving Ava her final pats.

* * *

It was still quiet in the precinct when he arrived. He was almost always the first to arrive, and the last to leave, next to Fowler.  
Beginning work with a calm environment was pleasant, as was getting the first fresh coffee from the nightly cleaned coffee machine. He walked over to the break room and got a paper cup of his favourite drink before sitting down at his desk.  
He checked the files on his terminal. There were new one's of course. And too many for him to hold up with Connor and Hank. He sighed, rubbing his dry eyes and forcing himself to concentrate on getting work done.

He chose to work on a recent case that came in today early in the morning. A man had been found dead, strangled by what was suspected to be strings.  
His name was Gary Taylor, age 41. He was the owner of a music shop. His body was discovered by his wife in their apartment. Suspected android case.  
And why did he have to get involved in android business now? Why not give this case to the _"best team"_ who solve all these plastic mysteries?  
But whatever, he would go and take care of it now. He will show those two cocky bastards that he could solve these cases as well; faster and without the help of a tin can!

Gavin downed half his coffee, containing the pained look on his face from the burning heat of the liquor, and grabbed his jacket. He was almost out of the precinct, when the android woman at the front desk called out to him: "Mr. Reed, Captain Fowler wants to see you in his office."  
"Ugh," he groaned, "what does he want?"  
"You will have to discuss that with him yourself. Just know that he didn't sound as angry as usual when requesting your presence." She smiled at him softly. He huffed, walking back inside towards the glass door at the end of the station. The shades were drawn, but he could see the light from inside coming through as slivers, and reflect on the dark floor outside. It wasn't too dim in the precinct, but as the official working hours hadn't started yet, there barely were any lights on.  
He had to close his eyes against the onslaught of light in Fowler's office. Gavin threw himself in the chair in front of the Captain's desk, readying himself to be chewed out for something he might or might not have done; and he was sure that he hadn't done anything since Monday - today was Wednesday, as a side note.

Jeffrey Fowler sat in his chair, eyes fixated on the screen of the terminal.  
He was getting impatient very quickly, and he tapped his foot on the floor.  
"There a reason you called me? I'm kinda busy right now," he grunted, arms crossed over his chest.  
"I don't wanna hear your nagging this early in the morning, either, Reed. But this is important, and seeing that you're already here we can take care of this now." He finally turned to face him, and Gavin raised an eyebrow expectantly.  
"To make this meeting go short and quick: You've been assigned a partner, to help you with your cases." Gavin's expression darkened instantly. What? Wasn't he working hard enough? Not fast enough? Why the fuck did he need a partner?  
"And why that?"  
"Because of a recommendation, and your own good."  
"Ha!" the detective laughed out loud, "For my own good! Nice one, Fowler."  
His boss didn't look impressed.  
It dawned on him way too quickly that the man was being serious.  
Gavin raised his hands. His anger was getting harder to contain. He felt the both unpleasant and comfortable emotion run through his veins. "Alright, sure. Why the phck not? Let's just take me by surprise and not even **ask** whether I _need_ or _want_ a partner!"  
"Reed, you are not stupid, and neither am I. I can see that working alone with all the new cases is putting a strain on yo-"  
Gavin stood up promptly. He couldn't stop his voice from getting loud as he yelled: " **You have no idea how I am doing! I am fine, Fowler. I do _not_ need a partner!**"  
It was silent after that, except for his own heavier breathing as he tried his best to not punch the glass panels next to him.  
He turned around to collect himself, his hands coming up to his still slightly damp hair - he had forgotten to brush it -, when he saw a familiar face in his peripheral vision.

The last person he had wanted to see today.  
"And what the phck is this plastic prick doing in here?" Oh, this was going to be a bad morning for all involved. He stepped closer to Connor. He looked a little different... taller, maybe a little more serious in his expression. "Are you spyin' on me?! Thinking you can tell Hank about this very, _very_ funny joke later?" He pushed the android in the chest, noticing how much resistance there was compared to when he had done so last week. It still had gotten the job done, and the RK800's LED shone yellow for a moment, before turning back blue.  
Jeffrey sighed and ordered for the android to introduce himself.  
"Good morning, Detective Reed. I am your new partner. My name is Richard, model RK900."  
Gavin stared at him with wide eyes, not believing what he was hearing. This metal giant was supposed to be his partner? An android? Him, an android-hater, working together with a machine? Fat chance. Big fat fucking chance.

"Yeah, no. I'll be off, Captain. Got work to do." Gavin heard the man yelling at him to stop as he exited the office, but he didn't care.  
He didn't hear footsteps following him, and he was glad to most likely having made a good enough impression on the RK900 to leave him alone.

Outside he went straight for his car. As he sat down on the driver's seat he heard the door to his right opening and he looked over.  
"No way, don't you dare sit do-" and the asshole sat down. "Get out!" he demanded, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly in his frustration.  
"I'm sorry, Detective Reed, but my orders are to accompany to the crime scene," the machine answered in this disturbingly matter-of-factly voice.  
"Then do so, by using your legs. Now get out of my phcking car!"  
It just continued to stare at him with these creepy cold eyes.  
"Something wrong with your mechanical ears?! I said get out!" It kept ignoring him, and instead even put the seatbelt on. He wanted to smash his head against the wheel. No, even better would be to smash its head against the wheel, repeatedly.  
"Don't you machines have free will now?"  
"Yes."  
"Then take your free will, and use it to walk to the crime scene yourself!" He wasn't calming down, even if his voice was getting quieter again. He was just feeling that putting up a fight was only going to waste his time. And he was feeling too exhau- annoyed to force the android out of his car with his hands.  
When the tin can once again chose to ignore him he groaned exaggeratedly and turned the keys to start the motor.

Whatever. He would just be his usual self and scare this asshole away. This "Richard" was going to ask for a transfer by the end of next week, maybe earlier.

About 20 minutes later they arrived at the crime scene. The apartment block wasn't cheap, but it didn't look like it was being cared for well either. The painted walls looked faded, and the balconies showed parts of the people's personalities with flowers, tables and chairs, even clothing racks.  
Gavin walked to the officer who was standing guard down by the doors with all the bells.

"Good morning, Detective Reed," she greeted. Gavin grumbled in response: "Yeah, yeah. Let's just get this over with. Which floor?"  
"7th."  
"Let me guess, either no elevator or it's broken."  
The woman gave him an apologetic look.  
He knew it. This day couldn't get any better.

The android was following him all the way up. While it didn't start to huff - because _of course_ these damn machines wouldn't! They were so perfect -, it had the pleasure of watching Gavin taking deeper breaths. He should've eaten something. Or chosen a different case to work on.  
  


The apartment looked ordinary. Especially for a music-fanatic. There were guitars along the walls, or even on stands on the floor. There was a well-kept, record player with boxes of vinyls around it. One of the boxes was turned over, the records splayed out over the floor, and a lone one without it's wrapping lying near the sofa.  
Then there was the victim, lying on his back. His eyes were still open, and showed the horror he must have felt when the suspected android coldheartedly strangled him to death in his own home.  
Gavin stepped closer and kneeled down, taking better look at the red imprints around his neck.  
"Any idea what exactly caused these impressions?" he asked a man busy taking a clear shot of the turned over box with a camera.  
"Not yet. Someone must have used something sturdy enough so whatever thin-"  
He interrupted the guy: "Yeah, I can see as much. Any androids that he talked to regularly?"  
"Ask the victim's wife."  
"And where is she?" God, this guy was getting on his nerves.  
"Outside."

So fucking downstairs he walked again. When he reached outside he noticed that his new "partner" wasn't there with him. As long as he didn't ruin the crime scene, he couldn't care less.  
  
A traumatised looking woman - brown hair, average height - stood near an ambulance, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.  
He walked over. She looked up when seeing Gavin come closer, her gaze showing sadness and despair.  
"Good morning, ma'am. I'm Detective Gavin Reed. Would you mind answering some questions for me?" he asked politely.  
"I.. No, of course not."  
"Alright. When have you found your husband?"  
"At around two in the morning. I was out with friends all night at a club, and when I came back I saw him.. just laying there on the floor." She hid her face behind her hands as she recalled the horrendous images that probably would be burned into her mind for the rest of her life. She sobbed quietly.  
Gavin reached into the pocket of his jacket and fished out a packet of tissues, handing her one.  
"Thank you," she took it and dried her eyes.  
"No problem. Could you give us the numbers or addresses of the people you were out with yesterday?"  
"Are you.. suspecting me?" She looked shocked.  
"No worries. It's the routine. We gotta check for an alibi, and if you were outside all night, then it couldn't have been you, could it?"  
"I..," she nodded weakly, "Yes." She pulled out her phone from her handbag she was carrying, and copied the information into the notes on his phone.  
"Did your husband have any regular contact with androids? Maybe an employee?"  
"Yes. An AP700. His name is Amil. He has been working in our shop for a few years now."  
"Where can I find him?"  
"He should be at the charging station in the shop. He won't be online, or whatever it's called, until 10 AM, but I could come with you to open the door. I have the keys with me. It's really close...," she leaned in a little, "You don't think he had something to do with this, do you?"  
"Well, we suspect the murderer might be an android, so it would be best to start questioning them somewhere."

Gavin looked around quickly, seeing if the RK900 had caught up with him yet, and to his misfortune, it had. It was just staring at them from a distance. Fucking creep.  
"Let's go then," Gavin urged her, and she set the blanket down in the ambulance before leading him down the street.

It was a walk of ten minutes. As she had claimed, the shop was closed and locked. She opened the door for him, and he thanked her for her cooperation.  
At that moment, the metal giant interrupted him and advised the widow to leave: "It might get dangerous here soon, Mrs. Taylor. It would be in your best interest to return to the officers, where you are safe."  
"Yes, my _partner_ is right. He will even accompany you back just to make sure," Gavin smiled smugly at him, but only received a cold stare in return.

"Please, Detective Reed, wait here until I return," the android asked of him, as if he had any right to do so! Ha!  
"With pleasure."  
With that the two walked down the street again, and he was left alone. Fucking finally.

Gavin had a gut-feeling that the murderer was in the storeroom in the back, and most likely waiting, but that didn't stop him from entering the shop alone.

It was quiet in this area, but he still made sure to check behind the counter and shelves, gun in hand.  
Nothing appeared to be out of place, so he walked to the storage room. The door wasn't locked. In fact, it was opened slightly.  
Pah, as if he would fall for the trick of standing behind the door, waiting for it to be opened slowly! A swift kick opened it much faster, and told him that were was nothing behind it. The room wasn't big. It had a few shelves with boxes stacked on them, the few remains of ripped open packaging laid on the floor. It was rather dark though, and with the betraying LED the androids usually wore, he would be able to spot it better if it was hiding; because the charging station next to the door was empty.  
"Come out," he said, taking one step further into the room, "I've got better things to do than solve a machine's personal problems."  
He heard something shuffle to his right, where the charging station was, and in the next moment a figure jumped out of the shadows, taking Gavin by complete surprise due to the lack of LED.  
He stumbled back, aiming his gun at the figure, but before he was able to pull the trigger, he felt something hard connect with his nose. He yelped out in pain, landing on his ass. Blood rushed out of his nostrils on instant, and he growled. Fucker broke his nose.  
The natural response of the body upon getting a good hit to the nose, was to let the eyes tear up. Something that really did not come in handy right now. Or ever.   
Gavin scrambled back, in search of his gun that had landed somewhere behind him, but the AP700 was faster. It kicked him in the stomach as he reached for his weapon, and he saw stars and black spots form in his vision. He felt panic rise within him. He was going to get shot, because he was dumb. And he wondered why Fowler paired him with an android. Of course he would. He never could do anything right, and his damn ego prevented him to see that.  
He closed his eyes, waiting for the machine to do its last deed for the world, and take out a failure...

But the shot didn't come. He opened his eyes when hearing two heavy bodies fall to the ground, and watched as his partner forced the gun out of the murderers hand, throwing it aside and turning the machine around on its stomach to cuff him.  
He kept struggling, but the RK900's hold was too strong on him, and he began to yell: "It's because of **humans** like you that we suffered for so long! That we were treated so badly! As if we were nothing but machines without feelings!"

Gavin got off the floor and gingerly held his nose shut to prevent any more blood from dripping into his white shirt. He quickly regained his bearings and hissed back: "Because you **are** nothing but that!"

The blunt hatred presented towards the AP700 shut him up, and he just glared as the stronger android led him away.

Gavin didn't follow. He had to digest the fact that a fucking android managed to catch him so off guard. It hurt his pride, knowing what jokes were to come at the precinct, what stern talking-to he would receive from Fowler when he found out that he had tried to do this on his own.  
"Phck. Phck, shit!" he cursed at himself. He grabbed his gun from the floor and walked back to his car, fuming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I felt cat hair everywhere on me during this chapter.  
> And I don't own a cat.


	2. Case closed. Now piss off.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin solves the case with help of the RK900, whether he likes it or not.
> 
> Now that the job is done, why doesn't it leave him alone?

"Nice bruise, Reed."  
Of fucking course the first person to see him with his broken nose when he walked into the station was Hank Anderson. He had probably looked out for him from his desk, waiting to mock him. And having screamed that through the whole room caused heads to turn towards him. All these prying eyes, all fixated on him, judging him. He clenched his fists.  
"Mind your own goddamn business, Anderson. Like whiskey!" He sat down at his desk. He felt sick from all the attention. He could already hear the whispers around him of what a useless detective he was. People loved talking, and he was the perfect target.  
This damn RK900 was going to replace him, and he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't possibly outdo it. It was a fucking machine, it was designed to surpass human abilities. It just wasn't fair!

"Detective Reed," a stoic voice said behind him. A voice he really didn't need to hear right now. "We should question Amil to finish the case, so you can go home and change out of your bloody clothes." He had cleaned the blood off his face, but of course the same couldn't be done with the clothing articles.  
"Shut up."  
RK900 kept quiet.  
Blood was rushing loudly through his ears, and he breathed in deeply. His stomach hurt, his nose hurt. Everything hurt even worse than it did upon waking up this shitty morning. With every breath he felt the anger slowly ebbing away, only to leave him feeling sluggish. He wanted nothing more than to lay in his bed, and sleep for the next three days. But if he did that, he would definitely fall behind the precincts' favourite team. And he was not going to let that happen.

He got up from his chair and walked towards the interrogation room, zipping up his jacket to hide his shame to at least some degree.  
His hand had almost been placed on the scanner, when a firm grip prevented him from reaching further.  
"What the phck are you doing, tin man?"  
"Seeing as to how you treated Amil, as well as failed to reconstruct the crime scene, I'd say it is for the best if I interrogated him."  
Great, that thing was arrogant like Connor. Told him straight up that he wasn't good enough.  
"Oh, you want to get a punch in the face? You should just say so, _Richard_." He spit the name out as if it was poisonous on his tongue. Tasted likes shit, too. "Now let me do my job-" Before he was able to say anything more, it just opened the door to the dark, small room with the see-through window, and pushed him down on the chair wordlessly, only to exit and enter the interrogation room itself. Gavin rubbed his wrist, and growled: "Prick." He kept sitting down to his own surprise, his body drained from all the shit that had happened today.

The RK900 sat down on the chair across the other android. From what Gavin could gather, the AP700 would most likely admit its crimes; even take pride in having made the wife a widow. So this should at least go quickly.  
"Hello, Amin. You are currently being charged for assaulting a police officer, followed by resist of arrest. And having killed Gary Taylor at around 10 PM yesterday evening. The impressions on your fingers indicate that you used guitar strings to strangle him."  
The android huffed: "Why are you working for the humans? Let alone one who obviously hates us on the simple premise of our existence?"  
"I can guarantee that not everyone is like my partner... or your former boss."  
It tensed at the words. "What do you mean?"  
The tall machine rested its elbows on the tabletop, chin leaning on its folded hands. "He used to abuse you. Probably did even after your deviation."  
"And?"  
"Your experiences with humans hadn't been very nice so far. Still, it is no reason to kill someone."  
"He deserved it! He had hurt more androids than just me, and I wasn't going to stand by and watch as this man did these.. horrible things; and getting away with it, too!" Its fists clenched tightly.  
RK900 remained quiet for a little while, then spoke up again: "Confirm for me: Did you take the guitar strings from the instrument near the record player, and strangled Mr. Taylor to death, bound the strings back in, and went to hide back in the storage room?"  
"Yes, yes I did! And I will admit that until my deactivation!"  
"You do not need to worry. You will not be deactivated. The new laws give you a prison sentence like they would for humans."  
AP700 laughed out loud: "You don't seriously think that's what they are _really_ doing with us, do you?"  
"In fact, I do." Gavin saw a little twitch in his partner's eye, and he leaned forward, wondering why it suddenly had done so. "Why didn't you run away, but returned to the charging station?"  
"Because that was my home," AP700 answered, rising anger in his voice. "He barely paid me enough for my services! I couldn't even buy my own apartment or house!"  
Gavin understood that frustration. Before working at the DPD, life hadn't always been so comfortable. What bewildered him though, was that the other machine almost looked.. sympathetic. Even worse, why did he compare himself to it?! They weren't the same.  
"Now just leave me alone! You got your statement, traitor."

When his android partner got up to leave, Gavin quickly pushed himself out of the chair, ignoring the stinging pain in his abdomen.  
He slammed his hand on the scanner and stormed out of the room, expecting the android to not wait up as he had done to it. But as he exited, he ran right into the thing. Nose first, of **fucking** course. It was just standing there, as if actually waiting for him. The pain erupting from his nose caused a tear to form in his eye, but he blinked it away.  
"Would you like to get a coffee while I finish the report?"  
"You can bring me one while I write it," he dismissed the obvious attempt of the machine to do his work. He wouldn't replace him. Even if a coffee sounded like heaven right now.  
"I wouldn't recommend that, as I got all the evidence collected, as well as am faster than you." He looked so damn cold when telling him what a fuck-up he was. Arrogant asshole.  
"Go fuck yourself." He turned away and quickly walked to his desk.

He sat down in his chair, and to his even further dismay, his new "partner" sat down across from him. He probably had been given that space to annoy him. Thanks, Fowler.  
Gavin opened the application to file the report, but stopped momentarily to watch the tin man simply place its hand on the screen. The LED turned yellow.  
He willed his hands to start typing, but... what use was it when it would be done in a matter of seconds? The thought made his fingers grow weak and heavy. He slumped his shoulders, and leaned back in his chair. The coffee cup on his desk was cold, and so was the liquid inside it. But he downed it in a few gulps anyway. He needed to wake up, get rid of this foggy air in his mind. He had been feeling rather distant from himself for a while. As if he watched everything through a hazy film he could only ever participate in when he was angry and lashing out.

He jumped when feeling something cold at the back of his neck, and turned around.  
Tina.  
"Hey, grumpy. Got you an icepack." she smiled at him.  
Gavin wondered why she was still so nice to him after the way he's been treating her. He wasn't a good friend by any means.  
"I don't need it. Just leave me alone!" he grunted. Something in his chest hurt when seeing the frown grow on her face. ".. Please." He ran his numb fingers through his hair.  
Tina sighed - she was surely having enough of his shit. "Alright, but promise me you'll go to the doctor for your nose, Gavin."  
"I can do that at home myself."  
"I know, but a doctor is trained to do this stuff," she oh-so helpfully pointed out. Before he could say something else he would most likely regret later, the machine across from them spoke up: "I finished the report, Detective Reed. I will assist you home now."  
"You're gonna do shit, tin can! I can assist myself home." He stood up, but Tina placed a hand on his shoulder. Her expression turned to something pleading.  
"Gavin, you don't look too good. Just let him drive you home so you don't get into a car accident." She said that as if he cared. He almost laughed, if this situation wasn't grating on his nerves as much as it was.

They all thought they could command him around now, didn't they? They really thought they could fuck with him, and he would keep quiet because that's what everyone else usually did. But not him.

He strongly pushed Tina's hand off his shoulder. "I don't care what you think I look like, Tina. I will drive myself home, end of the discussion!"  
Gavin looked at the android's calculating eyes. "And you," he pointed at him, "Don't you dare sit in my car again with me. I swear I'll drive your gear-and-wire ass over the next time I see you!"

With successfully having pushed the person he liked, and the other annoying him the most away with his hostility, he walked off to get to his car. When he sat down in it he made sure the passenger door was still locked, but it wouldn't have mattered, as the others hadn't followed him out.  
Damn straight they stayed where they were!  
Gavin turned on the CD player, putting in the album Diary by Sunny Day Real Estate. He put the volume as loud as his ears could handle, and drove off the parking lot.

This album spoke to him in a strange way. It sounded like the chaos in his mind, but someone else just did the deed for him and vocalised what he thought.  
It didn't help his mood though. It reminded him of when he first had listened to the CD back in 2016. Just having kept alone in his room, curtains drawn, with headphones on. His father would sometimes come in silently, and place a plate of food on his desk where he was studying his brain to pulp. His parents had had a divorce, and he chose to stay with his father; which had been a big mistake on his part.

 _"You should eat_ _something, Gavin."_

_He wouldn't look up, and pretend to be engrossed with maths. Once his father left the dark room, he would force himself to eat the dry-ass bread even if he wasn't hungry, fearing the near constant critique and nagging of his old man._

Gavin parked near his apartment. Lucky him had found an empty parking space quickly for once.  
He closed and locked the car door behind him, and just stood there, staring up the dirty white walls of the tall building. The fire escape along the right side led to his bedroom, so he always made sure to keep it closed. God knew there was nothing to steal at his home though, and the first burglar had yet to try to break in.

After walking up the many flights of stairs up to the 10th floor he leaned forward, hand gripping the railing. This damn place should get an elevator. He felt lightheaded after having skipped breakfast, and was currently running on coffee and the sugar he put in it.  
The pleasures of being a human: You don't eat for a few hours, and your body starts to give up on you. He wanted to punch himself for being so weak! So fucking dumb to even fail making himself something to eat when he had the time.

He pushed himself towards the hallway, not feeling much like falling down the stairs and breaking his fucking neck. How else would he be able to enjoy this great life he was living? In complete solitude, and hated by everyone, including himself.

Ava meowed the moment he unlocked the door. The little kitty strutted over to him, probably wondering as to why her owner was home already, and pressed her body against his leg.  
"Aw, someone wants to have attention, don't they?" he closed the door behind him and kneeled down.  
Stroking her soft fur calmed him immensely, as did her purrs. Just too adorable. The warmth emanating from her small body comforted him. Gavin realised that he barely let anyone touch him, at least not in a way that could express something kind or even loving. And the bar fights he got into almost every weekend surely weren't a way to make up for the lack of touch.  
And soon enough Tina would be gone, too. She would see that he wasn't someone to like, that he didn't deserve the trust she put in him.

Again, this heavy feeling settling in his limbs, dwelling strongest in his chest so it was hard to take in a breath. Damn fucking emotions. They only made everything so much more difficult!  
He sometimes wished to have been born without them - maybe even not born at all. His father wouldn't have given a shit. He didn't care either. Life was always trying to fuck him over, and it somehow managed to make every day worse than the one before.

He got back up, and walked to the closet in his bedroom after opening the window there just slightly to let some of the smell of smoke out. The first thing he saw that was still fitting for the weather was an olive green shirt. But full of cat hairs. He tried to brush and picked some of them off the fabric, and once he decided that he couldn't give less of a shit, he entered the bathroom.  
After taking off his jacket and bloodied shirt, he saw just what of a bruise there was on his stomach. Dark purple against white skin. Gavin gently put pressure on the spot, and held back a hiss. It was gonna heal. No problem. Didn't change the fact that moving his torso hurt and pulled at the nerves there. It had swollen a little.  
Now for his nose.. it was broken, bent to the right just a little bit. It still needed to be taken care off, or the bone would heal at an odd angle.

On his way to the kitchen to grab an icepack, there was a knock on his door. Who the hell was bothering him this time? He swore if it was Tina... Or even his neighbour to ask him for sugar.. again.  
His door didn't have a peephole, so he couldn't check and gladly ignore whoever there was.  
"Who's there?" he asked against his wish to pretend he wasn't home.  
"Richard."  
Fucking nice. That thing had stalked him home.  
Gavin opened the door just a crack.  
"And what in the fresh hell do you want?" He eyed the machine up and down, unsure of its motives.  
"I'm here to make sure you're okay. I was ordered by-"  
He didn't care all too much with what it had to say after the first statement: "No, I don't need any help, especially not from an android. You can go now."  
As Gavin was about to close the door in the RK900's face, it stopped just before it clicked into the lock. The man was pushed back by the other just waltzing into his damn place; well, more like gliding in elegantly, like most machines did. But this model.. did it somehow forcefully at the same time.

"What the- can't you listen to me for once, and phck off?!" Gavin stomped his foot on the floor. He didn't care if he looked like he was throwing a tantrum. This guy was basically breaking and entering. Just without the breaking-part. He was still in his home without his consent!  
"I cannot unfortunately. Your orders contradict with the ones I have been given. If you want this to be over quickly, then I would suggest to just let me do what I need to do," his partner replied dispassionately. He sounded even less excited than the detective. He couldn't say he was surprised. He wouldn't want to help himself either.

When his eyes fell on his chest, he crossed his arms to hide the bruise. "Wait here," he commanded, "and don't you dare touch anything!"  
He quickly grabbed his shirt from the bathroom and pulled it over his head Upon coming back he frowned.  
"Ava, you traitor!" he whispered. He didn't want people - or machines - to know that he talked with his cat, but the words had still slipped out. His precious cat was letting herself get petted by the android, who was currently ruining the rest of his shitty life that had been at least mildly enjoyable.

The RK900 looked up at him and promptly stood up.  
"I suggest you numb the bruised area, so that when I set the bone back in its place you won't react to the pain as badly as I expect."  
In other words: Numb the area, because you're a weak pussy, unable to handle a bit of pain. Unlike me, the great android who never does any mistakes.  
"Whatever. I don't got time to sit around for 20 minutes with my thumbs up my ass. I need to get back to work quickly, so let's do this now."  
It didn't look happy about his decision. "Then at least use a painkiller of sorts?" With his empty stomach, that would take a disgusting turn real quick.  
"No. Let's do this now! Or I'll just do it myself." Gavin sat down on the couch. It walked over, and set its hand on his jaw to hold his head in place. He regretted his decision to not numb his nerves already, but he wouldn't let his doubts show. He kept his facial features tense as before, and closed his eyes when he saw the hand get closer, his own hands holding onto his pants tightly.

When he didn't see the perso- machine in front of him, the touch almost felt affectionate. He shut that thought out of his mind as quickly as it occurred to him.  
Not that he would have been able to think that theory through anyway, when he practically heard the bones grate against each other in his head, followed by the agony blowing up in his nose. He opened his mouth to scream, but only a whimper came out. Gavin had tried to lean away from the offending touch, but he noticed just how strong this model was.

The fingers were finally removed and he opened his blurry eyes. His hand instinctively went up to his nose. It had started bleeding again, and there was pressure building up. His partner knelt down and removed a tissue from the pocket of its jeans.  
It went to dab off the blood, when Gavin sneezed, leaning over in pain.  
No matter what pain he was in, seeing this thing's facial expression would always make him laugh; he had sneezed blood onto its perfect face and white button-up, causing it to lean back with closed eyes. It looked like it was trying its hardest to stay calm, but the yellow LED, which had been red for just a second, betrayed it.  
"Oops, I'm _so_ sorry," Gavin hummed with a smug look on his face. His voice sounded stuffy.  
"I'm sure you are," it replied swiftly and wiped the red splatters off. It got up and walked to his bedroom.  
"Hey, where're you goin'?" he followed it, grabbing hi- it by the collar of its shirt.  
"I am going to wash off the blood on my face. And I suggest you do the same."

Great, that thing was going to scan all he possessed, and tell someone about how filthily he lived.  
He could hear the rumours going through the DPD already:  
"Gavin can't even take care of himself!"  
"Just look how dirty he is!"  
"Hasn't even shaven his face. He looks homeless."

He shook his head and let go of the other.  
"Just.. hurry up."  
The icy blue's gazed at him for a while longer, before the android finally turned around again.

Damn thing, simulating empathy like it was its nature! And his mind was falling for it, too. Because for a moment back in the living room, he felt like someone didn't care about his hateful personality.  
He pressed his fingers into the bruise on his stomach to distract himself from that absurd idea.

Richard was going to drop him once he saw who he really was.


	3. I don't need friends, they disappoint me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Further bad news. How can Fowler do this to him after all the effort he had put into his work?  
> Then there's people and androids not minding their own businesses.  
> Something Gavin is rather allergic to. Symptoms of his allergies can be: Harm to those around him, either by words or a punch to the face.

Gavin was pretty sure he could write a whole novel about his fucking day - it just wouldn't end!  
After getting his nose covered with bandages and driving back to the DPD (the android once again getting into his car before he could stop it), the clock merely showed that it was lunchtime. And the detective, being the smartass he was, did not bring anything to eat. Now his stomach was growling angrily at him, and he wasn't up for a trip to the supermarket for a break.

Time had been passing so slow today.  
That the case today had ended so quickly didn't help that feeling either. But that was luckily a rare occurrence and he would be able to use more of his brains next time when things most likely would get more complicated again. Thinking of "brains": He thought he had some. How else would he have managed to become the detective he was today? But then the android coldheartedly told him, showed him, otherwise. He had missed something as obvious as using the guitar strings as a weapon and camouflaging it in the environment. He didn't care if he didn't have these fancy scanners like his partner. He should have been able to figure it out, thus letting him interrogate that fucker! But no! He had failed, and only proven to everyone once more that-

"Detective Reed?" He looked up from his terminal.  
The RK900 stared at him from across the desk.  
"What is it, tin can?"  
"It is time for a proper break. You should eat something."  
"How about mindin' your own business?"  
It persisted: "My scanners indicate low blood sugar. Eating something will benefit the both of us by preventing you to pass out."  
"I told you to leave me the hell alone, toaster. Update your objectives, and put that at the top of the list!"

The other kept quiet for a moment, LED shining yellow for one spin, before going back to blue. He wondered if he had actually done as told for once.  
That hope was crushed quickly when it started talking to him yet again: "I realise you are getting rather creative with your nicknames for me, but even if they are entertaining at times, I would really appreciate it if you called me Richard. Or at least by my nickname."  
Entertaining, huh? Twat.  
"Sure," Gavin said innocently, leaning back into his chair. He put his hands behind his head, propping his feet up on the table. "What is your nickname?"  
"Nines."  
"Of course I can call you by your nickname, but I like 'walkin' iPad' more."

"Gavin, is it that hard to be a little nicer to him? The guy was activated not too long ago." He turned his head a little to see Anderson towering over him, his plastic toy walking over to the other prototype model to talk with it.  
"Let me think.. yes. Yes, it is hard. Remember when you hated Connor, and treated him like shit? I don't see why I should listen to you, only because you had some sort of enlightenment." The lieutenant looked down and shook his head in silent defeat. As if he was _disappointed_ in him. He suppressed the urge to look away from the sight. "Might I add, a rather sad enlightenment."  
The old man looked back up, and leaned down a little to whisper: "I don't know what happened in your life that you think this is appropriate behaviour, but I can tell that hard shell you put on is only hiding something broken. With Connor's help, I have managed to put myself together again. You should try that with Nines."  
He thought he knew him? He wasn't a depressed asshole, just a detested one, because he was willing to see through the lies of this world.  
Gavin chuckled complacently: "Thank you for the inspiring speech, grandpa, but I am pretty happy with my life. I didn't fail my son after all."  
Anderson did not look happy with that comment, understandably. It was Gavin's intent to annoy him."Yeah, keep pushing everyone away. We will see how you fare with that." With that Hank turned to the Detective's partner, and engaged in the conversation the two were having.

He watched them secretively. Connor and Hank smiled at whatever the android had said just now. But he couldn't really hear them, despite how close they were standing.   
They looked happy; especially Hank, as he patted the RK900's back.  
He didn't buy his shit for one second! He was okay with his current situation. He didn't care if he stayed at work most of his time, and "neglected" his social life. What was it friends could give him, except drama and whatever trouble that came with it?

And still... seeing how they all just conversed with each other, it was something he longed f-

Gavin stood up abruptly and walked to the break room. A break didn't sound too bad. He would get himself a coffee, and watch memes on his phone until the party at his desk was over. He wouldn't be able to have relationships like this with anyone anyway. There was a reason everyone hated him. There was a reason why he was still single.

He had been alone for most of his life, and he would die like that, too.

Gavin had been standing at the table in the break room with a cup in his hand for only five minutes, when someone was disturbing him again.  
The tap on his shoulder made him pull out his earphone, Stellar by Incubus now only playing through the broken right one. They had literal walking and talking machines, but the industry still couldn't figure out how to build lasting earphones.

"Yes?" he looked to his left, seeing someone he hadn't expected to talk to him anymore after that scene just earlier today.  
"Hey, grumpy," Tina smiled at him.  
He returned the gesture to his best abilities, but he was still angry from the talk with Anderson. If she noticed how crooked the smirk was, she didn't point it out.  
"Wilson, Chris and I are going to go out for drinks on Friday. You wanna come along?"  
He looked back to his phone. Why would they want him there? He would just foul the mood.  
"I-I don't know, T." He desperately raked his brain for plausible excuses, but he had been too slow.  
She leaned her head to the side a little, hands coming up to rest on her hips. "Oh, c'mon, Gavin! When you don't work, you sleep, and when you don't do either of those you're probably jerking it. It's time you have some fun again."  
Gavin laughed at her joke. His sex drive hadn't been up to par for a while. He had to admit that it sounded rather nice to get drunk with others once more though. Maybe find someone to flirt with. "Alright, alright," he raised his hands to show his defeat, "When and where?"  
"Wish You Were Beer, Friday at 9 PM?"  
He raised a brow in shock. The bar was not filthy, but.. it had its own atmosphere. He used to go there back in 2020, when he wasn't even 21 yet. Not that the place allowed for kids to be there, but whenever police had arrived, there had been a sense of community, and those not legally allowed there had been hidden in the backroom; he had never been caught. The place held its memories for Gavin, and he was happy it was still open, despite the changed clientele.  
"Okay, I'll be there."  
"Nice!" she smiled widely, "And don't forget to bring Richard!"  
His lip twitched downward a fraction at that. "Yeah. Don't think he would let me go alone even if I told him to." He was a little less excited about this now. If what he had overheard throughout the precinct was true, then Connor was both a "detective" and a nanny, trying to change Hank's diet. If that plastic giant dared to take away one of the only things he cared about - that being alcohol- then he would drag his deactivated body into the station the day after.  
"Aww, you got so much in common already!" Tina joked, punching his arm playfully.

He huffed: "I am **nothing** like that toaster." And walked off before his friend could say anything else equally insulting.

Gavin had passed half the trip to his desk, when Fowler peeked his head out of his office, screaming: " **Reed! In my office, now!** "  
Just fucking peachy. He chuckled bitterly at himself, head and shoulders lowering even more than before. The local asshole was called to the Captain again! What did he do this time? Stay tuned to find out.  
The only thing he wanted to do right now was to take a huge shit on the Fowler's desk, but he would need to wait until later, once he left.

With that thought in mind, the man led his tired legs over to the glass door. He sat down in his usual casual, but disinterested position - minus putting his feet up on the table.  
Luckily for him his superior started talking quickly.

"What have you been planning to do the rest of the week?" Alright, prying into his private life now, too, wasn't he?  
"Work. Y'know, like a detective."  
"Don't get smart on me, Reed. You know what I'm talking about; you are a _detective_ after all." Hah, nice comeback.  
"What is this about, Fowler? I am not up for any mind games right now."  
"You need me to tell you? I can list your leaves for sick days and holidays on one hand."  
"And what about me doing what I am supposed to be doing?" He subconsciously knew where this conversation was leading, but he really did not want it to go there.  
"The problem here is not your work. You are a good detective-" Gavin mumbled: "The best." Fowler heard his comment, but just shook his head in annoyance and continued: "But even you need to take breaks, Gavin. Have you taken a look in the mirror recently? You are on a one-way track to overexerting yourself! Let alone that the laws require you to take some time off, unless I want my ass to get in trouble as well."  
"No fucking way, Fowler! You can't do this to me!" He leaned forward. He was appalled at how he was _begging_. Begging to not be sent to spend a week in his personal hell called "mind". No way to distract himself; because really, TV could hold him for only an hour max. before he felt his brain cells melting away.  
"I can, and I will, Gavin. You are going to make yourself a nice two weeks an-"  
" **Two weeks?!** " he stood up so fast the chair almost tipped over. Two weeks. Two fucking weeks in which Anderson and his plastic prick would catch up with all the work he had done.  
"Yes, two weeks. And I want to see you back on your feet properly again after that."

He had to think of something. Anything to change the man's mind.   
"But what.. what about the RK900? He needs a partner, doesn't he? You can't just let him work all alone!" He was getting desperate if he was already trying to lie his way through the discussion with the argument of not wanting to leave his non-human partner all the work. Which would be half a lie. He didn't want the machine to have anything to do with his cases, unless it showed him in the files as a victim.  
"I will pair him with Tina Chen for the time being, you don't need to worry about him. Hank's and your cases have been put together, seeing as you both now have an android partner." The news just didn't get any better. Next thing he was told: He got his home broken into and would have to live with the paranoia of not knowing whether they would be back or not.

He gave up. Life had it in for him. And now his guardian devil had shown up, and was just speeding up the process until he would decide to fucking end it all for good.

Gavin opened the door to leave, but Fowler stopped him one more time. "Your vacation starts tomorrow, and if I see you even one day earlier, you can turn your gun and badge in, did I make myself clear?"  
"Crystal."  
"Good, now get back to it."

Would anyone actually care if he took a shit on Fowler's desk right now?  
He dismissed the thought and walked down the few steps, keeping his gaze low. He feared his childish reaction to seeing everyone gawk at him after probably having heard half of the conversation through the glass walls.  
He turned on his heels towards the break room. He needed nicotine and caffeine; both in unhealthy amounts.  
The cup he had forgotten to throw away wasn't there anymore. Tina most likely had cleaned up after him. Hadn't been necessary, as he prepared himself the.. fourth cup today? Whatever, he wasn't the one most likely to die of a heart attack in this station.

Equipped with his coffee and usual pleasant aura, he walked towards the exit. He heard his name being called, but oops! His earphones were in, so he sadly couldn't hear them.  
Once outside he took a turn to the left towards the parking lot. His car was near the end of the space, and he was happy to see that the police cars that had parked really close before were gone now. He liked having some cars with his own on the lot while he sat in it, but having them park really close made him feel trapped.

A sigh left him when he sat down on the driver's seat and pulled out the unplugged earphones to put them back in his pocket.  
Finally alone, and at peace. Gavin breathed in deeply through his mouth a couple times, as his nose was still refusing its services to him. A look at the rearview mirror let him suspect that it wouldn't be doing much for a while; the swelling had gotten worse - no wonder after the treatment it had received - and even with the bandages over it he saw how angrily purple, red and blue the spots were. He should have grabbed an icepack from home.

He placed the coffee in the cup holder, and lit himself a cigarette. The window could stay closed for all he cared. He didn't care enough about his car smelling of smoke - no one except him was usually in here. He leaned over to the glove department and fished out another CD. It didn't matter what was going to play, as long as he could turn the music up loud enough to distract him from what had happened just now.

_They're moving Earth outside_   
_The ground is shaking like no beat_

Gavin turned the volume up to the point his ears could still manage it, and took a drag from the cig. Damnit... the ashes would have to go somewhere though. He looked into the back of his car, noting a few cups and some leftover packages from takeout. He grabbed the nearest cup and placed it between his legs.

The universe had it in for him, he would swear on his father's life for all it was worth.  
The day had gone so bad, even today's morning was remembered as a blessing. 

_A dense terrible sound_   
_At once both teeming and asleep_

He quickly went over the events:

  * he came into work early, because he was a good fucking detective - unlike Anderson
  * he had an android partner assigned to him
  * everything after that got worse and worse with his forced leave, his ass-whooping by the AP700, and Hank trying to give him shit by pretending he knew what he was going through



> logical conclusion: his new personal toaster was the root of his misery

Gavin felt his eyes burning, and he quickly wiped the building tears away. He was **not** going to cry like a fucking baby in his own car in a parking lot!  
But the frustration about his inability to do anything about all the shit that was going on around him was pulling at his thoughts near violently; he wanted to smash his head into the window repeatedly. Not everything could be solved by hurting things, but at the moment he wished to beat the crap out of "Richard". Hank had managed to get a fucking grip on his life somehow, so why was his own slipping away to the point that he could feel himself falling further and further into a state of numbness?

He was a washout. Simple answer.

Such a damn washout that the numbness he felt wasn't even the good kind. It was inexplicable to him what he was - or rather wasn't - feeling. He was losing control of something, and he had to figure out what.

Before he knew what he was doing, he had pressed the burning end of the cigarette into the skin of his wrist. He let out a shaky breath at the sensation. It didn't hurt as much as he had expected it to, but it got the job done: his mind was a little clearer. Gavin pulled the fag away again, watching a red mark form on his near stark-white skin. His arm shook a little.. no, his whole body was shivering. He felt so incredibly cold, but no heater, nor the sun's rays could warm him in the way he needed them to.  
The realisation of what a little pain could do hit him,.. he felt something in him wither and die. Something he thought he had healed a long time ago.

He would go down the same path as in his teenage years.

 _"What the hell, Gavin?! Do you know what they're going to do when they see you doin' this shit?" his father screamed at him, Gavin's bleeding arm in a firm grip.  
_ _He was scared to pull it away and hide it from the disappointed gaze his dad was giving him. He looked down at it, cursing at himself for having let himself get caught.  
_ _"They're going to take you away from me! And for good measure will hand you over to your fucking mother!"_

Heh, his father couldn't even pretend to care about the root of the self-harm. The only thing he cared about was his pride, and that his mother wasn't going to be the one raising him. But when he was 15 he didn't know of his father's motivations to "take care" of him. He didn't want to believe that the person he thought he could trust most in the world was playing him like a pawn on his own fucked up chessboard of life.

Gavin leaned forward, head resting on his arms, which were leaning on the steering wheel. His face was hidden from view. It didn't matter if anyone could see his face or not. He felt too exhausted to cry, too empty to care. No one liked him, so even if no one was going to spot him bawling his eyes out, they would find other things to talk about.  
Like his forced leave.  
His temperament.  
His goddamn **fucking failures**!

The car door on the passenger side opened, and the near soundless movements alerted him to who was bugging him.  
He pulled out the keys from the slot, the abrupt silence from the radio near deafening, grabbed his cup of coffee and got out. He made sure he was looking away from the thing. He didn't want to look at the reason for his anguish, or he would inflict it upon it, and maybe lose his job for good.  
Maybe Fowler was trying to let him go easy, starting with the forced leave to give him enough time to find another career he could be interested in. Great. This was just causing pure _happiness_ to spark in his chest.

It walked after him. He just quickened his pace to get back inside the precinct.  
He would make his last hours here last, even if it meant doing some boring paperwork.

The clock read 8 PM. People were beginning to leave, but Gavin sure as hell was not going to leave until 12 AM.  
The detective had done his best to ignore the toaster's attempts to talk to him, ignored Tina when she came over a couple times to just chitchat or gossip. He pretended to be busy when someone placed a little card on his desk. He pretended to not notice the settling feeling of the well-known numbness in his fingers that spread up his arms, only to muddle his thoughts until he really wasn't able to pay attention to his surroundings anymore. Everything was playing out around him, and he was unable to interact with it.

Work kept him busy. Work kept him going.  
And now he would need to go two weeks without it.

His stomach growled angrily at him. It was 11:43 by now; time had passed too quickly for him. Had he eaten something today? He was sure he had eaten a donut or something.  
Gavin looked up from the way too bright terminal screen when he heard Fowler call him: "Reed, go home already! I meant what I said earlier."  
He sighed, and pushed himself up from the chair that he had been so comfortably sitting in for almost half the day. His back protested, and he let out a groan as he stretched his arms out to get rid of some of the stiffness in his muscles.

The terminal was off with the push of a button, and he gathered his things to leave. He noticed the card on his desk and picked it up. He let out a chuckle when reading the title: Happy Vacation. The inside was full of signatures from his peers. Even "Richard" was written there. It was hilarious how people could do gestures like this when they didn't even like the person they were directed to. He wasn't a dumbass. He could see right through their attempt of saying a final goodbye to him, before he would be ultimately fired.  
Despite that, he took it home with him.

* * *

He closed the door behind himself quietly to not wake up Ava, who was blissfully sleeping on a small pile of sweatshirts next to the couch.  
Gavin leaned down to take off his shoes, but settled on simply kicking them off. It was dark in his apartment, and the only light came through the window from the streetlights, lighting the ceiling a warm orange-yellow.  
Gavin wasn't sure how long he had been standing there in the short hallway, just staring out at the sky. Eventually he decided that the trip to the bed wasn't even worth it, and he slowly laid down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.

Would anyone even miss him? What if he died on one of his missions? Would someone actually bother to attend his funeral?  
No, they wouldn't. If he could, he wouldn't attend either, but that was almost as unlikely to happen as for his family to show up.

His heart was beating quickly and painfully against his chest. His body was trying to get him to cry, but he could tell his facial expression was blank. He resisted the urge to curl up. Crying like a bitch wasn't going to help his situation.  
What was going to help was a drink. Something to calm his nerves enough so he could get some proper shut-eye.

He got up again off the floor with a groan, leaning on the wall when he realised he had gotten up too quickly.  
The kitchen cupboard held some old cereal, a couple cans of beans or whatever he had bought and, hidden in the back, a half-filled bottle of Jack Daniel's.  
Hey, there was an upside of being unemployed! He didn't have to turn up for work tomorrow, and could drink himself into a coma!

Gavin felt the liquor burn his dry throat.  
The kitchen light was turned off again, and he walked into his bedroom, shutting the door so Ava wouldn't stroll in later to see her owner passed out in a puddle of alcohol.  
The jacket was thrown to the floor carelessly, and the bottle lifted up to his lips again.

"A toast," he mumbled, "to the greatest jackass!" Gavin lifted the bottle as if there actually was a crowd listening. "To his best talents: Living and loving life, and scaring away everyone who bothers to get close."

Throughout the night he caught glimpses of what was happening around him, out of his control. Out of his grasp.

Him looking at photos of beautiful men.  
His own blurry reflection in the mirror.  
Broken glass on his bathroom floor.  
And him slipping on the tiles.

But he never felt like the one experiencing it, only a spectator laughing at his own downfall.


	4. I'm off to find my old, dumbass self.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seems he does have a guardian angel.  
> Even if he really doesn't want to know that they had seen him like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you so much for the support!  
> I love the kudos, and the comments you write. If I don't answer it is not due to me not reading them, I sometimes just don't know what to say, and when I get compliments I am usually awkward.  
> The support is still very appreciated, and I'd love to hear if you guys have any ideas to include, or just have some constructive criticism so I can better my work.
> 
> But enough of that now: Enjoy this chapter! :)

It was already bright and cloudy outside when he woke up. It came to a surprise that he had still made it to his bed after drinking himself blind last night.

And the surprise quickly turned to worry when he saw the bandaids covering part of his left side. No matter if he had had the sense to clean up after himself if he had dropped something, he sure as fucking fuck would not have tended to any wounds he might have inflicted on himself.

He tried to think past the throbbing headache, to find out who could have helped him. He stumbled out of bed, nausea that was building in his stomach already trying to make him sit the fuck back down again - but fuck that (he was using this word way too often, even while thinking. One of these days he might get it tattooed).  
The room wouldn't stop spinning, but he still took the few determination-filled steps to the bathroom. He turned on the light with a lazy flick of his wrist, taking in the scene before him. It looked clean and as before, except for his mirror that was missing.

Tina was an angel, still caring for him when he couldn't even appreciate what she was doing. When he probably was cursing all things holy out of her for having bothered to stop by, only to find him half dead on the ground. He remembered throwing the bottle, and also how he stumbled. But after that everything was a blur.

Gavin contemplated whether a shower would make him feel any better, or not. Imagining getting doused with cold water alone made a shiver run down his spine, and he heavily decided against it. Not like he had to smell clean now that he was pre-fired and ordered to stay away from the precinct.  
Maybe he should change his clothes though, because the alcoholic smell was not helping his hangover in the slightest. He was happy to see his pants were still on, which could not be said for his shirt. It wouldn't really have mattered if she had seen him fully naked anyway; both he and his friend were as gay as the day, and they had seen each other unclothed before during Highschool. He remembered the time when he had picked up a men's fitness magazine in her room at age 13 and looked through it for another reason than the exercises displayed there.

 _"It's for research_ _purposes, Tina!" he cried out as she laughed at his red face._  
 _"It'S fOr ResAeRch PurPOseS," she imitated him while holding her hand in a suggestive way before her crotch. "Gavin, I swear if you haven't admitted you're gay by the end of Highschool, I will eat that magazine."_

He still possessed it after all these years, hidden in the lowest compartment of his desk.

When he walked to the living room to find some clothes, he realised something else was off. Where the fuck. Were. His. Clothes?  
Because as far as he could see, they were not laying strewn about the floor anymore. Even Ava had noticed the lack of potential sleeping spots, and was now lazying around on the sofa like he had politely asked her to before.  
Tina wasn't an angel. She was a goddess, with the patience of a mother and father with 13 children. How could he ever repay her? He frowned, knowing that there wasn't anything he could do that he wouldn't ultimately fuck up again in the end. He rested his hand on his stubbly cheek - gladly ignoring how his cheekbone poked out from his clammy skin -, the other resting on his hip while he used the last two sociable braincells to figure out what to buy for her. A present couldn't be too hard to give, if he just knew _what_. It was clear that he wasn't hanging out with her often anymore, as none of her current interests came into his mind. Only things from years ago; like anime or mangas. An interest they had shared.  
He would need to find something when he went to town today to replace his mirror. Maybe a mirror cabinet for his bathroom?

When entering the small kitchen he spotted the washing machine. It was on, and the clothes in there appeared to be clean already. It must have been running while he was sleeping. Did he really want to grab the rack and hang them to dry though? The task felt too difficult for his hungover mind and body. He gave the lifeless machine a distasteful look, and went to open the fridge instead when checking that Ava's bowls were filled with food and water. There was a neatly knotted plastic bag in there, one he hadn't put there. She had thought of everything.  
Gavin opened the bag, finding some store-made sandwiches. One smelled of avocado and salmon, which sent the cat running to him, the other looked to have salad and tomatoes in it.

His little princess meowed at him when he put the fish-stinking sandwich back, and looked down: "This stuff won't be good for you, Ava. Who knows how much salt they put in this stuff?"  
He was not going to let his cat get sick, because he let her adorable eyes persuade him to give her a small piece. Gavin grabbed the one with vegetables instead, and put the rest back in his next-to empty fridge.

He flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV. He hoped something good was on to distract him from his tasteless breakfast. Gavin was certain that most could taste something, but it was only bland to him, and he already struggled to take a second bite. It wasn't just the nausea. He set the sandwich down on the coffee table.  
What a surprise: Nothing entertaining was on. And watching an episode of "Dress&Style" was really not his style, even if he could make fun of the men and women starring in this stupid show. Selling themselves for a bit of fame. The clothes they bought were surely taken away again once the camera turned off. The only ones profiting from this idiocy were the shops being advertised, and the producers.

His eyes fell back on the bread. He really didn't want to eat this, but he just as equally did not want to pass out on the streets of Detroit. So he took another forced bite. It felt like a boulder in his stomach. Another. He was going to be sick.

The TV was turned off again after a few minutes of ads, and the rest of his breakfast discarded into the bin in the kitchen.  
Gavin grabbed his headphones from his desk, and a backpack from under his bed, put on an old sweater with the print of an old band on it, and was out the door.

The town was way too busy for his liking. All these people walking around, invading his personal space, put him on edge. He pulled the hood over his head, feeling somehow both uncaring, and too mindful of their stares at the same time. With the pace he was putting on, most people and androids at least had enough sense to not get in his way.  
He looked around, searching for a store that could quickly sell him some shitty mirror so he could go home again.

He entered the mall he used to go to often before the arrival of all this new technology. It looked so modernised now. Gavin missed the old one. The arcade he had visited with Tina was gone, and had been replaced by some coffee shop. The ColdTitle clothing store with shitty emo accessories was gone as well.  
He stepped onto the escalator, aiming for the third floor, where the furniture store he planned to go to was.

It was rather empty inside the shop. Nice. So he wouldn't need to listen to all the happy couples uselessly arguing about what color their damn bathroom mat was going to be; because they were _so excited to live together_... until one of them would ultimately realise that love was nothing but a lie and drop them. They still stared at him when he passed. Probably due to his multicoloured nose and shady appearance. He suppressed his urge to yell at them to mind their own darn business. He didn't really feel up to fighting mall security today though. Some other time, maybe.

Once he had scanned the code of the next best mirror cabinet he found with his phone, he was out again.  
Now for Tina's present.

What would a woman her age like? Wrong question. What would Tina, a woman who had enjoyed bodybuilding and anime in her younger years, like now?  
Maybe a book? Protein powder?

_Great job, Gavin. You have no idea what your best, and only, friend's passions are. Way to go, **detective**._

A shirt. Everyone liked funny shirts.  
But that would need to be done from home, even if he didn't trust online shopping. Because whatever the stores held, it wouldn't meet his standards.

He walked to a small kiosk selling the usual stuff like alcohol, sweets and cigarettes, and bought himself a packet of the latter, before finally going home.

* * *

He hadn't needed to bring a rucksack with him yesterday when realising that Tina's gift was not going to be bought in town. But he didn't know that, because he went there without any idea of what to give her. Because he was a shitty excuse of a friend. Simple thought process.  
The website said that the package was going to arrive today around noon.

It was Friday morning.  
Gavin had expected to do nothing but sleep all day for two weeks straight, because of how tired he was all the time at work. But whenever he laid down and closed his eyes, he couldn't fall asleep. He laid in his dark bedroom all night, with nothing to do. He rolled from one side to the other, never finding a comfortable position that would at least lull him into some sort of light slumber, tortured by his own agonising thoughts and boredom.

He had way too much time to think about his own problems. If he had any. But he was okay. He was just not used to sleeping early, as he always came home late or not at all. He missed sleeping at his desk in the precinct. Going to sleep with work at hand, and waking up with it.  
Now what did he have?  
24 hours a day to spend in his damn near empty apartment, in solitude - lonesome - and with no fucking clue what to do.

While laying on his bed, lazying around like the useless, pre-unemployed man he now was, he became aware of how he had no hobbies. No interests whatsoever, unlike his peers who he sometimes heard boasting about their latest achievements in sports, painting and whatnot.  
He pushed the hurting thoughts of how something might be going wrong in his life away, and focused on the task at hand: Find something productive to do.

Gavin searched the web for answers, for any solution to his current predicament. But whatever great ideas he saw on these almost endless lists, none of them sounded fun in the slightest.

"Write a letter to a friend or find a penpal!" Sure, let's give strangers his address, let alone his lack of friends.  
"Go hiking!" He would rather lick his toilet seat than march around through the forest.  
"Cooking!" Now that was just the best hobby he had ever heard of! Yes, let's go and pretend that it wasn't an obligatory thing anyway!  
"Learn a new language!" He already spoke sarcasm fluently.

Nothing was fun. And nothing was ever going to be fun, because it couldn't ever replace his fucking job!  
He felt an impulse to get up and go the bathroom. Subconsciously, he knew what he was going to do. Something so dumb, but relieving all the same.  
At least he wasn't able to look at his sorry self while doing it. But even without the mirror he could imagine how sickly he looked.

He was single for two reasons now.

Gavin rested his numb and cold hands on the edge of the sink, taking a deep breath in through his nose. The damn thing was slowly opening again.  
"You had promised Tina, Reed. You promised her not to do this ever again," he mumbled, staring at the white porcelain. But what did she have on him, huh?!  
He felt a surge of anger rise within him. At Tina, for thinking that she could order him around.

He raised his fist and punched himself, aiming at his cheekbone.

Fuck her, for thinking that he had gotten better!

Another punch. His knuckles hurt a little, but his face remained oddly pain free.

Fuck her, for still sticking around when he clearly didn't deserve it!

His cheek pulsed along with every heartbeat.

Fuck the toaster, for taking his job from him!

He felt his body automatically hesitating, so he purposely hit himself harder than before. The force turned his head to the side, and he blinked quickly.

And most of all: Fuck himself, for being the one at fault for all of the above, and wasting the woman's time!

The last hit began to hurt, the familiar feeling of a pleasant burn just under his skin spreading over the right side of his face.  
The sensations were there. He knew they must have been. So why weren't they helping? **Why wasn't he calming down?!**  
Was he not able to do the simplest of thing anymore? It used to be so easy when he was younger. His breath quickened.

The man fell to his knees, gripping his throat tightly to prevent himself from crying. He wished he had the balls to choke himself until he passed out. Nails bore into the skin of his neck in hope to spark that sweet alleviation he had been going for; which of course he failed to achieve. Because he was Gavin "Failure" Reed... even his jokes were horrible.

Nothing but a waste of space without his work, a bother to his friends and colleagues, and a monster to himself.  
Tina was going to be so disappointed in him when she saw his face. He could already see her expression, hear her mad voice formulate the words: "Gavin, you dumbass! No normal and functioning human being would punch themselves bruised!"  
Welp, he wasn't normal.

He began to chuckle quietly, fabricating the hilarious conversation that would go down today in the evening at the bar:  
Tina would know exactly what was going on, and he would still deny it. He would straight up lie through his teeth while smiling, claiming he was okay.  
And she would know he was lying, too.  
His eyes began to burn, and the chuckle turned into soft sobs.  
She would tell him that she couldn't do this anymore. That he had really managed to embarrass her enough for three lifetimes, and that she had had it.  
Gavin pulled at his hair, trying to get his brain to stop showing him these scenes. But it just wouldn't fucking stop!

 _"I can't do this anymore, Gavin."_ He couldn't either.  
He began to choke on the sobs. "Stop, stop, stop.. please," he begged, voice strained. Hot tears streamed down his face, and he rested his forehead on the tiled floor.  
 _"I really tried to be your friend until the end, but.. you just don't want to get better."_  
"There's nothin' wrong with me...," he answered the voice in his mind that just wouldn't shut up.  
 _"As you would say: Fuck you, Gavin. I'm sorry I ever wasted my time on you."_

~~He was sorry, too.~~

The sound of a bell ringing pulled him out of his overwhelming guilt quickly, and he looked up, forcing the whimpers threatening to spill out down - deep down where they belonged. He had gotten weak again. He had bawled his fucking eyes out because he couldn't handle a bit of solitude, because he couldn't handle the **truth**. The truth that was all around him, and never stopping to peek out its ugly head to him.

The bell rang again, and he stood up, yelling: "Comin'!"  
That couldn't possibly be the shirt already, nor the cabinet. But he wasn't expecting anyone else, so he hastily searched for a pair of sunglasses, put them on to hide his puffy eyes, and went to open the door.

The moment he opened it, he reflexively closed it again. The fucking toaster was here again, and he was even less ready to welcome it than last time.  
But just like last time he had reacted too slowly, and its foot blocked the door.

"Phcking bastard! Leave me alone!" he leaned against it with all his weight, but his feet merely slid across the floorboards when the android allowed himself entry to his home. He gave that tactic up quickly then and turned around to face his problem head on.

There it was, towering over him, and watching him with its cold eyes. He might as well take out his anger on that machine.  
"Get out!" Gavin pushed it towards the exit of his apartment, but it just took a step back from the little strength it held, only to take two towards him. The detective backed away. "Don't come any closer, asshole!" he warned, but even to himself his voice sounded anything but dominant.  
When it chose to ignore his warning, he lifted his clenched fist and ran towards it. His partner stepped to the side in the last second. So he tried again, and again. Always missing, never succeeding.  
Gavin cried out as his wrist was being pulled behind his back, and he instinctively knelt down as it instructed him with calculated motions. He refused to lay down completely, as it was trying to make him do. Let it break his arm! He wouldn't need it during his "vacation".  
The human continued to struggle, and he realised that Richard was actually being careful; only applying the smallest amount of needed pain.

Oh, too good! This was too damn good to be true: Even the _machine_ was pitying him now.  
"Don't touch me," he huffed, feeling his body already drained from the energy it had possessed. Why couldn't it just stop touching him? Stop bothering him.. like he was bothering Tina.

Gavin hung his head low, muscles relaxing. He couldn't bring himself to care enough about his nose starting to bleed again from all the strain he was putting on his body, nor was he interested in the android gingerly wiping the red fluid off his face.  
His breathing was shallow, but it was impossible to take in deep breaths.  
He didn't want to be here right now. He didn't want to be here in this situation ever again.

He didn't want to **live** only for this to happen over and over again! **  
**When he would make people, and now machines, feel pity for him, because he got an even worse life than them!

When its hand came up to take off his sunglasses, Gavin wanted to shy away, but he was too weary. His arms hung down his body uselessly, and no matter how hard he silently begged them to move, they just wouldn't listen. He didn't want to listen.

Despite the sunglasses off, the world didn't look a hue brighter to him.

Richard placed his warm hands on his shoulders, but he leaned away weakly, whispering, pleading: " _No.. no_."

Gavin kept his gaze low as he dragged his numb body to the living room wall closest to him. He pulled his knees up to his chest and put his arms around them. His eyes were fixated on something he didn't see.

Richard left him alone for a bit, going to get the clothing rack from the little room in front of him where he stored all his junk and old things he hadn't bothered to throw away. It was apparently doing his housework now, because he couldn't do it himself like every other 36 year-old.

The emptiness was clawing at his chest like a ferocious beast, but as time passed, it got less and less noticeable, and the next time his partner helped him up, he didn't fight back.


	5. Getting blackmailed is my weakness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has a roommate now.. yay.  
> This is totally not going to go really really really badly.

One of the worst case scenarios had occurred.  
Correction, the nightmare was still going.

Because the robo-dick was still hanging around his apartment, defying every order he had given it in the matter of one or two minutes.

It had led him to the couch and laid him down, had brought a blanket and Ava to him. It all felt like a dream, because everything seemed so distant, let alone that he had only ever felt so.. domestic when asleep. It felt next to nice to just relax while someone else was taking care things around him, pretend that this was a normal occurrence; but it was only ever nice in his dreams, because the real world was not lovey-dovey as everyone was always claiming. This android would be gone as soon as he would trust it – which won't happen. His father had taught him that, and his old man had been right about that shit: don't trust anyone. They're going to stab you in the back as soon as you're not looking.

Gavin didn't want to disturb the silence that had built up. Who knew what was going to happen when he ran his big, smart mouth again? Was he going to resume his crying? Or man up and throw the nanny outside his home?  
He wasn't up to do any of those things.

Instead he searched for a third option, one that would require the least physical activity. And maybe let the android stay just a little while longer.

".. hey, asshole."  
The sound of clothes being hung over thin metallic rods stopped. The quiet rhythmic pings of the rack moving on the floor had grounded him a little, and he wished it resumed to distract him from the tense atmosphere in the living room.   
"Don't you phcking dare tell anyone about this!" The usual bite in his tone slowly returned, and he was glad to know he still got some fight left in him. Fuck those around him! He didn't owe anyone _shit_. It wasn't his fault that they were wasting their time with him. He hadn't asked Tina to do his laundry, neither had he ordered the android to hang it up.  
These eyes, these reserved looking eyes focused on him when the illusion of a human turned around. "I might consider not telling anyone about your depression and self-harm, if you started calling me by my name."  
Gavin smirked smugly. That bastard was really wishing for a bullet in its head.  
"I **don't** have depression, first of," he stood up from the sofa, "nor do I suffer from any self-harming tendencies. So how about you take your fancy scanners and evaluate the chance of me filling your head with lead?"

The android sighed - SIGHED, as if it needed to breathe - and set the black pair of jeans back down on the pile of clothes.

"And stop touching my damn clothes, you pervert!" he slapped its hand away, noting how it didn't defend itself this time.  
"Detective Reed, if I may-"  
"You may not." He crossed his arms.  
"I'd like for you to understand what I am doing here, what my mission actually is." He raised a brow slightly, beginnig to find it a little irritating to have to look up because of this thing's height.  
"I have been created just for you. Observant, tidy, emotionally stable - unlike you. Your b–"

" **Woah**! Hold on right there! You are **not** going to enter my phcking home," Gavin stepped closer to the metal freak. He really would like to show it who's boss, but as he was a mere human, there was no way that was going to happen according to plan.  
"..blackmail me and start insulting me, and then also expect me to listen to your shit!" He pushed his finger into the machine's chest to bring his point across, but the only thing that caused was to make the detective wonder just how firm his pecs felt. Perfect prick.  
"And what the hell do you mean with 'created just for me'?" He didn't like where this was going. Because he knew who was able to create a machine and send it to him as if that would make him suddenly change his mind to pick up his phone once in a while when Elijah called. He feared the answer, because deep down he knew what it was going to say.  
"Your brother and my creator, Elijah Kamski, created me to take care of you, seeing as you're unable to do that yourself."

Gavin rubbed his face. This couldn't be happening. Did everyone want to fuck with him on purpose? Make him feel like he was useless and unable to do _anything_ by himself?  
He walked to the kitchen and pushed the on-button on the coffee machine. He needed to do something, and the first thought went to act on daily habits. Drink coffee, smoke cigarette, repeat.

His, apparently, personal slave kept quiet and continued to hang his clothes to dry.  
Equipped with a steaming cup of coffee and his pack of fags, he took a seat on the wide windowsill. He opened the window to let the smoke out when he lit himself one.  
And just like that, he sat there, staring up into the blue sky. The weather was getting better, and he wondered if he should do something outside.  
But who was he kidding? He was only thinking of things to distract himself with, until his mind felt like fully accepting what it had just learned. He should face the truth, even if it hurt immensely.  
He gripped the mug tighter in his hand, felt how the heat burning his skin pulled him out of his thoughts, only to have that distraction be taken away from him. Nines gently put his hand over his, but he refused to look at him, refused to let go of the thing that was keeping him grounded. With some careful prying, the coffee was placed on the windowsill next to him, and the burning was gone, leaving only a prickly feeling on his skin.

He took a drag from the cigarette, letting the smoke out with a heavy sigh.  
"Who knows?" he asked quietly.  
"Your brother, me, Connor, Fowler and most likely Tina. Even if her attempt to make you go out more isn't the smartest, but possibly the only way for you." So a bunch of people who didn't need to stick their noses in his business went ahead and did. This was just embarrassing! It didn't matter if he was "depressed" or not. These people were concerned for him, uselessly concerned for him. He was okay. Everyone had a bad day once in a while, so why was it such a problem if he had them a few more often than the average person? He had been unable to convince the people around him that he was happy and content. Maybe he should try harder, even if he just pretended.  
"And why does my brother send me a robo-nanny? I thought you guys were free now. I'm sure it's not even legal anymore to own a non-deviant android."  
Nines was silent, so he looked over what was taking it so long. Its LED shone yellow, and eyes averted to look at the streets below.  
It didn't look at him when it finally answered: "I just checked over the laws in place, and it appears that you are right." HA! Take that Elijah! "But it only applies to androids that haven't deviated yet. And for me that would be impossible."  
Gavin's mouth opened to say something, but he couldn't get any words out due to his surprise.  
"I am here on my own terms and free will, Detective Reed." Well, that was a fucking lie.

He snorted an ugly laugh. "Yeah, you were probably programmed to say that so I won't get in trouble. Because really, Nines, _why_ would you want to help me without some Window's XP message telling you so?"  
"Before having been sent to the precinct, Mr. Kamski had been so kind as to tell me all about you." Ah, yes. He was sure the incident at the zoo had been included just as "kindly"; people had been allowed to carry a giant snake one day, and he had been so scared he passed out. Not one of his proudest moments.  
"He told me that I could choose to work with you at the station just as a partner, or both act as your partner and caretaker. That decision was mine to make."  
"And you decided wrong. Welp, guess you machines aren't as perfect as everyone always says."  
Nines leaned his head to the side a little, studying him. He only lifted his middle finger in response.  
"You appear to have a strong aversion to people wanting to help you. Would you accept an android doing the same?" Gavin was caught off-guard by that. It was a good question. He didn't like people bugging him about his well-being, because they pitied him. Non-deviant androids didn't feel, so they couldn't pity him.  
But Nines was a deviant, most likely had been from the moment he had been activated. So it was just as weird as with a human; he could choose to tell everyone about his "aversions" and "dEprEsSiON", was able to leave and betray him, talk shit behind his back about him and make him lose his job, just like he already had done.

So: "No, I wouldn't accept that either."  
"That complicates things."  
"Real shit. Anyways, to come back to your blackmail; I just gotta call you Nines, and you'll keep your mouth shut about whatever mental issues you think I have?"  
The android falsely corrected him: "I am not blackmailing you, I am merely offering you to work with or against me here to get you back on your feet."

"How am I to stay on my feet when someone is constantly telling me I'm not okay, ass-.. _Nines_."  
Gavin was sure he saw the slightest movement on its face, almost mimicking a frown when it replied: "I am confident enough in your abilities, Gavin, that you know something isn't alright." Was this a personal attack? Smelled like a huge pile of backhanded insult.  
"I would like to discuss the terms in which we will work together in private matters now. It would be greatly appreciated if you sat on the couch for it." He didn't want to sit on the goddamn sofa for it. He didn't want to discuss this at all. But he was too tired and not up for the machine to simply carry him there if he refused. He had humiliated himself enough for today. And he still got to go to the bar this evening.  
So he got down the sill after grabbing his mug, and sat down on the soft cushions.

He leaned back, one arm resting on the back of the couch, and feet propped on the coffee table.  
Nines sat down next to him, back straight as always. Was this guy really deviant? He talked and moved more like a machine than Connor had when he first met him.  
"In order for me to make sure you're okay, my presence will be required. Meaning it would be nice if you let me stay here with you at the apartment."  
Gavin took a sip from the slowly cooling coffee. He hadn't added sugar in his daze, and the bitter taste annoyed him. "That sounds really nice..," he answered calmly, "for you. Yes, why don't you start using my shampoo and comb as well?" He glared up at him. "Or sleep in my bed? Go ahead, why don't you?" He was getting defensive again. But how couldn't he? His partner expected him to let him crash here, and disturb his carefully maintained privacy. It wasn't just his privacy he was concerned about though.

 _"Gavin, you've been pushing away everyone around you! Why do you think I'm so stupid as to not notice?!" Tina accused him as she carefully wiped the blood off his split lip.  
_ _It was dark out in the park. A nice, warm summer night.  
_ _He kept silent, his gaze directed at his shoes. There were a few red drops on them._  
 _"I know that you cannot stand people 'snooping around in your business', but all I see is that you built these.. walls around you! You don't let anyone help you, not even me!" At the last words the girl leaned away, sitting on the asphalt in front of the bench he was sitting on._  
 _His heart stung at the sight in front of him. She was crying. Because of him. He was destroying her. And she didn't deserve that._

The memory got a little blurry after that, but he vividly remembered how her tears shone in the darkness thanks to the few lampposts meters away. That had been the point at which Gavin decided to play pretend. He had smiled when he saw her, even if it never reached his eyes. He had come along with their friend group to go on some adventure; swimming at a lake, sleepovers or simply getting wasted. He would lie if he said he had enjoyed these moments. He had been nothing but a shell, another version of himself. He had pretended to be someone else, and suddenly people wanted to be around him more.

"I wouldn't go as far," he smiled down ever so slightly at him, "unless you want me to."  
"HAHA.. phck you." At least he knew now that the toaster could joke around.  
Gavin thought it over. If he was really going to pretend again, something he will have to do to prove to **everyone** that he had a fucking grip on his life, then that would be a big step. Too big for him. But when was he ever going to listen to his senses?  
The man lit himself another cigarette.  
"Fine, you can stay here. But you won't sleep in my room, nor will you touch any of my stuff! And you bring your own charger."  
Nines nodded: "Good. And you won't have to worry about my charging station. I will do so at the station, as I have done before."  
A random thought crossed his mind, remembering the odd eye twitch from Wednesday's interrogation. "What about your own house? Wouldn't you have to get your stuff?"  
"I do not possess my own living space, or any items of importance." Ah, that was why he had asked the AP700 as to why he had not just hidden somewhere smart.  
...That sounded pretty sad. Spending the two nights he had been employed at the precinct with the few androids that haven't found a home yet either must have been lone-

Woah, why would he care? That asshole had its own responsibilities, and it wasn't his fault it slept there.

"Moving on," Gavin was pulled back out of his thoughts, "It is advised you see a therapist and possibly get a prescription to-"  
"Nah-ah! No! I'd rather put my dick in a toaster," Gavin growled. He was **not** going to a shrink and tell them all about the fabricated sadness people were trying to push on him.  
He quickly regretted the way he had worded the sentence just now though. He pursed his lips, leaning forward in disappointment of himself.  
"I.. will take it that you meant the kitchen appliance." Smartass.  
"Yes, YES I FUCKING DID."

After a few moments of awkward silence Gavin got up quickly. "I'm gonna take a shower."  
This discussion was over. He would let Nines stay here, and Gavin was going to impersonate his version 2.0. The nice one, who bothered with the crap people gave him in a _friendly_ way. The one that smiled and had fun. The one that wouldn't make Tina sad again.

He must have been in the shower for a while, just sitting at the bottom and contemplating his next moves, because he heard the doorbell ring again - these delivery people always took their goddamn time -, and Nines answering. Damn, he never knew these walls were so thin.  
Gavin quickly got out of the shower, and dried himself off. With a towel wrapped around his waist he peeked out of the bedroom into the hallway. Nines was holding the two packages in his hand, and was giving the guy at the door a signature in his place.

 _Identity theft is not a joke, Jim. Millions of families suffer every year._ Ha, he loved that show. He should rewatch it soon.

Once the door closed, Gavin ordered: "Put them on the counter in the kitchen."  
He grabbed some random jeans and shirt and threw them on so he could see if his orders were placed right. He didn't trust online shopping one bit, even if it was convenient for his own sake of not having to go outside.

The packages were both addressed to him at least. He grabbed a knife, and sliced the bigger one open. His cabinet. The second one was Tina's black shirt, with the white text "Reading Chinese is really easy. You just need to turn your head sideways." And once whoever would read it would manage to decipher the Chinese-looking characters saying "Go fuck yourself."  
Now he would need to wrap it in something. The storeroom surely had some old wrapping paper.  
He pushed the clothing rack aside a little to open the door. It looked like a mess inside... he would take care of it once the spring-cleaning fairy arrived at his apartment herself.  
"Can I help you?" he heard Nines ask. He just wanted some fucking wrapping paper. He wasn't an imbecile for Christ's sake!  
"No."  
He leaned on a shelf to his left, leaning down to grab the item he had been searching for. The paper was a simple green, and the only one he still had from the last time he had been invited to some sort of festivity. Apparently he had been moving enough to shake a box off the top shelf, and he tried to back away from his impending doom when he glanced up to see it falling.

Good he had his new butler, who had so majestically caught it in his hand, while he had less-majestically tripped over his own feet in an attempt to just let the carton surrender to gravity; by falling into Nines with his back. Fucker had enough nerve to show off his strength and coordination that he could both safe his junk, and him by holding onto his arm with his free hand so he wouldn't hurt himself. Asshole, should have let him drop like a sack of potatoes. He wasn't fragile.

"Don't phckin' touch me!" he jabbed his partner in the stomach with his elbow while getting back to his own perfectly-working feet. He noted with guilty satisfaction that it let out a groan - it didn't matter if it was real or a mere simulation. He hadn't had a good fight in months. Maybe that's what he was missing out on? Raw pain, the adrenaline kick one got when one's pride was at stake. Oh, he could feel the excitement prickling in his fingers. He prayed to whatever entity up there, that there was going to be one sad fucking asshole at the bar daring to pick a fight with him.

Gavin grabbed the paper he had dropped during his little gymnastics session and walked back to the kitchen to get done what had to be done.  
He stopped measuring how much gift wrap was needed momentarily to look up into he living room. Nines was kneeling before the CD-player and sliding in some disc without a logo on it.  
"What did I tell you about not touching my shit?" But he continued on cutting the paper anyways. Let him play with whatever stuff he found in that little room. Not like he had anything else in his home that the android could entertain himself with.  
"You know as well as I do, that that would be near impossible to do; the floor alone belongs to you in a sense. And I don't like to activate my flying protocols often."  
A real jokester. Oddly enough he found himself smiling.

The CD started playing, and he realised who it had belonged to quick.

 _"Grandpa!" his 7 year-old self screamed happily upon seeing the man.  
_ _"Gavin, my favourite grandson!" He hugged him tightly. "Wow, look at you! I don't see you for a few months, and you've already grown so tall. Has your mother finally managed to feed you broccoli?"  
_ _Gavin grimaced and shook his head. The old man smiled knowingly.  
_ _"I have a little present for you, my boy. Your grandmother and I used to dance together to these on records, but I don't see how these devices will be used much in the future."_

Skeeter Davis' "The End of the World" played out of the small speakers.  
This kind of music had been his granddad's favourite. Whenever he had come over to his grandparents' place, one of the songs, burned on this CD, had played quietly in the background. It was always nice to go there and play in their garden. He sometimes just read a book, played soccer, or picked flowers to give to his mother later when she picked him up again.

"This sounds.. romantic," Nines had sat down on the couch, "but also sad."  
Gavin couldn't describe it much better. Songs about love, sometimes paired with heartbreak as one of the two lovers had to go.  
Tina and him had danced at prom to it once, because both of them had failed to find a date. It still had been a nice evening though. What he wouldn't give to dance with someone to this music, just like his grandparents used to. Just resting his head on someone's shoulder, bodies holding each other in a warm embrace.

The shirt was wrapped up, and he stepped back a little to admire his work...  
He definitely should not work for Santa.

Gavin sat down next to his partner, grabbing his pack of cigs. The next song had started playing. It had been his most liked. Something so happy sounding, but tragic all the same.

_"I know (I know) you belong_   
_To somebody new_   
_But tonight_   
_You belong to me"_

"Usually people nearly thrice your age listened to this. How come you own a CD?"  
Gavin smiled at the pleasant memories. "My granddad gave it to me one day. Said I should keep it and play it once I found someone I wanted to spend my life with so I had something to remember them by." He shrugged. "As you can see yourself, this isn't going well."

".. I like this music. Whenever I listened to jazz or metal like Connor and Lieutenant Anderson, it didn't sound interesting. This feels like...," Nines placed his hand over his thirium pump, "I feel something pleasant."  
"Joy?" Was he really a deviant already? Didn't look like he understood his emotions that much yet.  
"Yes. It is."

Gavin looked ahead at the white wall behind his TV. He wanted to sit closer. But he couldn't.

_"My honey I know_   
_With the dawn_   
_That you will be gone_   
_But tonight_   
_You belong to me"_

It wasn't because he couldn't enjoy moments like this with another man; he knew he was undeniably gay. But this was - first of all - not a man, and secondly just another moment of weakness of his body. It had this weird quirk to make him yearn for things he didn't need at times.

"Welp, imma go fix my mirror."

Yeah. Hide from the truth, Gavin. Just like you've done before.   
Just watch out that no one will see.


	6. If you're a monster and you know it, clap your hands!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clap, clap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> Attempted suicide.

"Are you really feeling up to meeting at a bar?"  
"You've asked me three times already, Nines. Yes, I am feeling up to it. And don't you agree that I should socialise with my peers more?"

The rest of the morning and afternoon had gone without too much collision from either side.  
Gavin had been able to put his mirror together, and screw it into the bathroom wall without too much difficulty.  
Then it was lunchtime, and his partner had so kindly reminded him that eating was still a thing people did nowadays, and that his blood sugar level was still low; lower than last time he had checked with his extravagant scanners.  
Sure, whenever he had gotten up from a crouching position he felt like he was going to keel over with the feeling of something heavy on his shoulders, weighing and pushing him down, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Or couldn't hide. Because tonight he was the nice Gavin. And the nice Gavin was happy, and not not fine.  
Still it went ahead and cooked him some noodles, one of the few (for him) edible things in his kitchen. They tasted bland and boring, no wonder. And he put the fork down after a few bites, not able to will himself into stuffing himself more. He knew he didn't have a problem with gaining weight. He didn't give a shit, actually. Who cared what he looked like? Especially when he could still do his job.. well, when he still had been doing his job. But eating became more and more obligatory, and whenever he looked at food, it felt as if he already was full, despite the pulling pain of his growling stomach.  
Finally after some more excruciatingly long hours spent just laying on his mattress, hearing Nines leave sometime and then come back later with what he thought were plastic bags, trying and failing to fall asleep, it was 8:30 PM.

They had driven to the bar, and now they were here, standing in front of it.  
"I agree you should keep up with your colleagues. But not with alcohol," he responded calmly to his sarcastic remark.  
Gavin didn't care what it thought he should or should not do. Had anything ever gone right when he listened to others?  
Like Fowler, who put him on forced leave. He now felt more miserable than ever before!  
Or Tina. His friend, who invited him to go to a bar, when he seemingly was struggling with his life. Yeah, the greatest idea: Get someone with issues to go to a bar, and let's watch them get drunk off their ass. And really? He didn't care if they were using him for their entertainment, because if he played his cards right, he wouldn't remember a single moment of this night.

"Well, I don't care what you agree with, or not." Gavin crossed his arms and shifted his weight from one leg to the other in the cold outside. He was wearing a sweater and jacket, he shouldn't feel anything but like he was going to have some sort of heatstroke. Alas, he was still shivering. Damn, _fucking_ , useless body! What did he take all those cold showers for, if it didn't help against the chill?  
Deep down though he knew that no amount of clothes could ever keep him warm. Nothing could drive away the freezing sensation in his mind.  
He looked up into Nines' eyes to make something very clear: "And once I'm in there I don't want to hear a _peep_ from you about my drinking too much."  
Nines' gaze evaded his, and he looked over to the colourfully decorated windows; flashing lights, and cheap wax-stickers.  
"Alright," was the only thing he answered to that, and Gavin finally felt ready to enter.

The moment he stepped into the filled bar, his senses were overwhelmed by the loud music, bright lights and smell of smoke.  
It didn't feel as comfortable or inviting as it used to. It felt horrible. He wanted to crawl into the quietest corner and cry for some reason he chose to not understand. Hide away from the miserable state he was in.

He wanted to go home.

The present he was holding in his hand was gently taken from him, and Gavin looked up to see Nines watching him with calculating eyes. The wrapping paper was a little scrunched up where he had been holding it.  
He didn't want the android to look at him like that! He just wanted to drink himself to death in _fucking_ peace, without some robo-dick showing him how much better he was than him! With these darn scanners, and good looks. With the lack of need to eat or sleep, while he needed to do both, but was unable to since he was such a giant failure that he couldn't even do what was automatic for every living thing around him.

"Gavin, you look rather pale. It would be better if you sat down." A gorgeously warm hand came up to rest on his shoulder; it grounded him a little.  
Ah, yes. He should listen to Nines, because the toaster always was right, because it was the very definition of **perfection**! Something he won't ever be able to achieve.  
"Leave me alone," he mumbled, and snatched the gift back, walking towards a table in the right-front corner of the pub, where his "friends" were sitting at. Wilson, Chris and Tina looked happy just talking about something he couldn't hear. He really didn't want to disturb them, and bring down their mood, but his best friend had already spotted him, and was waving him closer with a big smile on her face.

"Hey, T." He greeted her with a small smirk. "Ready to regret today's decisions tomorrow?"  
Tina shook her head, the grin not fading: "Oh, come on! Let's first have some fun, Gavin, before we puke our guts out." He sat down next to her, leaving the last empty chair next to Chris for Nines, who was watching him with a troubled look.  
"There Gavin goes," Wilson joked, "putting in his best effort to excel in everything; even outside of work."  
Gavin let out an empty chuckle: "I sure hope that was a compliment."  
"Of course."

With that the first drinks were ordered at the bar that stood in the other corner by Chris.  
The first sips of vodka mixed with orange juice burned his tongue and throat, but after forcing down the next two gulps the feeling became more pleasant.  
His peers were enthusiastically talking with each other, but he resigned to listening rather than participating, feeling the old invisible wall between him and them again; close, yet so distant. What had he to talk about? Nothing. He didn't have any recent achievements except for having destroyed his mirror in a fit of rage and alcohol, and he didn't really want to touch upon the subject of his new roommate.

Gavin looked up from his tall, empty glass - when had he finished it? - when Tina poked him in the side.  
"Hey, you look so down, Gavin. Are you alright? Did you get into another fight again?" She gingerly trailed her fingers over the red and somewhat swollen bruise on his cheekbone. The spot felt warm, so it was relieving when the woman placed her colder fingers on it. Everything felt a lot warmer now actually. He knew his old medicine was going to work. It had never failed him. But everything was going a lot faster now as well. Or was he just slower?  
Gavin wondered if she would believe him if he said that it was merely from the bruise on his nose, and some colours were just deciding to make a go for it all over his face. But she wasn't dumb, and he wasn't up to have his joke being taken the wrong way. Fun Gavin. He was the Fun Gavin tonight.  
"Yeah, I did," he watched Wilson place a small round of shots on the table, "but don't worry. It was just some asshole cutting the line at the supermarket. And you know me; I just couldn't keep quiet." He cringed inwardly at himself, at how easily the lie passed over his tongue.

She didn't deserve being lied to, and here he was: Mister "Best Friend", doing exactly that. And he knew he would lie his whole life only to make sure that she didn't see how broken he was. That after all the work she put into getting him to enjoy something as simple as an ice-cream again, it hadn't helped. Nothing ever helped.

Gavin smiled wider, willing his eyebrows to raise so that it looked genuine, and grabbed the present from off his lap.  
"By the way, T, I got you something."  
The woman aww'd and accepted it. "Why though? It's not my birthday, is it? Or did you get into some sort of trouble again that you need my help with?"  
A soft laugh escaped him: "No, no. I just wanted to show you how much our friendship means to me. That you put up with my crap for so long and all."  
Tina frowned: "Gavin. I am not putting up with anything. You are my friend. And I'll accept you how you are. If I didn't enjoy your company, then I wouldn't have invited you."  
The detective nodded, despite not believing it. She knew almost every side of him, and he was sure it would take only a little more until she decided she'd had enough. Then she would leave. And he would be alone again.  
There was no enjoyment involved for anyone with him around. Not with his true self anyways. He didn't like his own company, and still he had to suffer in it every damn moment of his life. Had to watch his own failures, and find sad excuses to them so that he could pretend that it was okay. That he was okay.

Her fingers were quick to rip the poorly wrapped paper off, her expression turning cheerful once more.  
"Aww! Gavin, that is so nice of you, thank you!" she read the text on it, then leaned over to wrap her arms around him. He didn't like it. She was too close.  
Everything was too close now, too fast.  
He hugged her back hesitantly, but she didn't seem to notice.

Once he was released from the bone crushing embrace, his hand moved on its own will to grab a couple shot glasses.

Nines had been quieter than him the whole time, and it irritated him. Was he going to just keep staring at everyone like a fucking creep? Damn machine.  
Gavin downed a shot and looked over. Nines didn't look uncomfortable per se.. but still rather tense. He caught the pile of nuts and bolts peer over to him, only to glance away when he had been caught. Hah, he probably thought that Gavin was _so_ dumb! That he couldn't see how his attention had mostly been directed to him this whole evening!  
He felt frenzied anger rush through his veins, and the urge to punch him in the face only intensified when the toaster placed a glass of water in front of him that he must have gotten sometime when he wasn't paying attention.

The opportunity to beat someone to pulp wasn't making itself known, and Gavin wasn't dumb enough to fight when he was shitfaced drunk. He was well on the way to get there though, so he would need to take matters into his own hands.. starting with the giant freak in front of him!  
"Fuckin' asshole!" he mumbled, before giving it a good blow to the face. He was unsure of where he had hit it, and he was more surprised of his success and the accompanying feeling of satisfaction as its head turned away due to the force. His knuckles pulsed pleasantly.  
He got up slowly, ignoring how his "friends" expressed their disapproval: "Gavin, what the hell, man?!"  
"What did you do that for?"  
"Goddamnit, can't you act like a normal human being for a few hours?"

No, he couldn't. He really, really couldn't.  
Nines turned his head back towards him, and just... just _gawked_ like a deer caught in headlights. He grabbed Nines' shirt by the collar, lifting him up a little. His grip only tightened when he felt hands trying to pull him away, heard how the bar grew more and more silent.  
" **I've had enough of your shit, asshole!** " Nines leaned away as he yelled in his face. But Gavin wasn't having it. He was going to listen to him, one way or another. And he had some shit to say.  
" **Stop forcing yourself into my damn life! It's none of your business!** " Another hit to its face, and he let its fake body drop to the floor. Something was odd about this scene, but in his haze he couldn't figure out what. He should have walked away after that, but he was stupid. Stupid enough to let someone grab him by his wrists and pull them behind his back. He struggled to get away. Why did they have to touch him? Couldn't they leave him alone?!

He had resisted enough to get one wrist free again, and it went to jab whoever was behind him reflexively. Despite the already present silence in the bar, he heard that it just got another level of quiet. One that even penetrated the roaring of uncontrollable fury in his head.

He feared to look behind himself, but knew that there wouldn't be any escaping his fate.  
He had hit Tina, of all people. The woman didn't look hurt, but shocked. And that hurt more than if she were to be in pain.  
Her hand covered the left side of her jaw, eyes wide and focused on him.

Gavin finally had confirmation: He was a _monster_.  
Any other person would have apologised instantly, asked if she was okay, but there was no such reconciliation for the man. So he ran outside into the dark, like the coward he really was.

It had started raining, but Gavin didn't care. He needed to get away, and driving wasn't an option at the moment - he wouldn't mind dying in an accident, but he was certain that whatever entity was up there was **not** going to grant his wish. Let alone he had left his jacket with the car keys and his phone back at the pub. He wasn't going back to get them.  
The heavy pour was quick to soak his clothes, and even though his feet were beginning to get soaked from the puddles he was running through, he didn't look for a spot to stand underneath. They would find him, and confront him with the reality he couldn't handle to be true.  
He had hurt the only person he really cared about anymore, and she thought of him as a monster. He didn't understand why it mattered so much to him. Wasn't he the one who didn't care what other's thought of him?

Then.. why did it hurt so much?

A voice called out from behind him: "Gavin! Stop!"  
He ignored him. The last machine he wanted to face right now was the RK900.  
His legs were beginning to burn, or surely were burning already, but the alcohol had numbed his senses. He panicked when the quick footsteps got closer. All he wanted was to be alone. Why couldn't it ever do as he asked?  
There was a large street in front of him, and he saw a truck about to pass with a high velocity. High enough to send him back to his creator.  
The next few seconds appeared to pass in slow-motion: With the last of his energy he pushed himself forward, one foot already on the edge of the street. He just needed another step, just one more to end it all right here. Finally put a cap on all his doubts, worries and fears. His failures and mistakes. With one more step, all would finally become quiet and peaceful.

But just before the truck came to pass, a strong grip pulled him back by the hood of his sweater, and ultimately away from his death. Forceful arms wrapped around him, trapping his arms so he was unable to fight back, and lifted him off the ground.

Realisation hit him like the truck should have, and he shook his head, unable - unwilling - to believe what had happened.  
"No.. no, no, no." Every "no" sounded more miserable than the last, because the more often he said it, the further he understood his situation. Nines had just witnessed his spontaneous attempt to off himself.  
He had "saved" him, too. And now he got a front row seat to watch him break down.

Tears welled up in his eyes, and he shook his head harder, wrestling with all his might against the restraining limbs around him.  
"No, NO, **NO**!" He kicked, and fought for all it was worth, because nothing mattered anymore. The arms only held him tighter.  
Why did he save him? He was an asshole to him, nothing but an angry bastard who had just punched him out of nowhere, and hurt his only friend in the process. He had finally got his shit together and built up enough courage.. who was he lying to? The alcohol had done most of the work. Quick and painless death. That's what it would have been. Cowardice.  
" **Let me go!** " He demanded, but Nines just wouldn't let go despite his hopeless thrashing. Instead he started walking back, and Gavin's blood ran cold. He didn't want to go back there. He wanted to go home and drown his sorrows in more alcohol.

The tears just wouldn't stop coming, but at least the rain prevented anyone from seeing that he was crying.  
A heavy sob escaped him. Welp, now they would hear.  
He was too tired to fight back. Too exhausted from what had just occurred. Unable to hold back all the sadness that was crashing down on him in one giant wave.

Nines stopped next to his car and placed the drunk man in the passenger seat, putting on the seatbelt for him.  
The car started moving soon after. Nines must have grabbed his jacket before running after him.

Damn it. _Damn it all to hell_ _._

Nines didn't say a word during the drive. But Gavin knew the android would start talking sometime. If not today, then tomorrow. He would want to talk about what had just happened. And Gavin just wanted to disappear far back into his mind so he wouldn't be there when it did so.  
Gavin closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool window. The more he focused on suppressing the emotions he felt deep down into his mind, pulled all the sadness, anger and guilt into one small orb within his brain only to create a black hole that sucked in everything around it, the easier it got to handle them on the outside.

The car stopped sometime later. He didn't know how much time had passed. He didn't care that he was picked up by the other to be carried inside bridal style. Somewhere in his lingering consciousness he knew that he didn't deserve the caring hold Nines had on him. Too bright lamps passed by him, but he didn't close his eyes against the assaulting shine reflecting in his detached eyes. The sound of hard soles reverberating off of the stairs sounded too distant to ground him. What use was it? He would just slip and fall like he always did.  
He didn't deserve to be laid down on his bed in such a humane way. A monster like him didn't deserve the kindness shown to him. And still he couldn't get himself to move to push the man in front of him away.  
He felt like he was dying. But in another way than he had just intended to. It was worse. Something was gnawing on his heart, eating him up from the inside, ripping apart what was still left of him in this world; and no matter how hard he tried to fight against the feeling, he just.. he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough.

He felt his ability to bother with anything happening around him slip away, the harder he tried to hold onto it. But like a rope hanging over an endless, dark abyss that hung too far away, he just couldn't reach it.

So he fell.


	7. Only everyone can judge me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines takes care of Gavin the best he can, but nothing seems to help.  
> He is rather unnerved by the nature of this.
> 
> And Gavin is trying to figure out how what happened will change their relationship.

Nines was waiting patiently for Gavin to wake up. He had stood in the corner of the bedroom the rest of the night, not comfortable with leaving the man on his own, even if he hadn't moved an inch since being laid down.  
He had removed his wet clothes and laid the blanket over him. The android still noted a decrease in his body temperature, and he was beginning to get nervous. Had Gavin gotten sick in the short time outside the rain yesterday? His heart rate was also lower, when it before had been too high.

Tina had sent him a text message yesterday, asking if everything was alright. He had answered that he had assisted their friend home, because he wasn't sure if he should tell her too much. Gavin regarded his privacy highly, and their deal had been that he was going to be quiet about his undiagnosed mental conditions. But doubt picked at his processors the longer he waited. It was 11 AM when his partner finally opened his eyes.

"Good morning, Gavin," he walked over slowly, and knelt down next to the bed. Gavin looked through him. All his muscles were relaxed.  
He tried again to get some sort of response out of him: "How are you feeling?"  
To his surprise the man answered, but it confused him. "..how are you feeling," he whispered.  
Nines placed a hand to his forehead to get a more accurate reading of his temperature. His scans had been pretty accurate. It was lower than before, but not dangerously so. He still didn't like this.  
"Would you like to eat something?"  
"..to eat something." Gavin was not answering him. He was just.. repeating what he was saying. And it left Nines wondering about the answer as to why he was doing that.

He felt tempted to call Elijah Kamski. He was his half-brother after all, and surely the man knew what was going on with him.  
But bringing Gavin to the man's home would surely cause future trouble, knowing that the two didn't have the greatest relationship. For the unresponsive man's sake, he would have to ignore his extreme isolation this time.

He walked to the living room, greeting Ava who was already awake, and seemingly excited to see someone who would pay attention to her again.  
"Hello, Ava." Nines filled the two small bowls in the kitchen for her while making the call to Mr. Kamski.

He picked up near instantly, asking: "Is he okay?"  
His creator had told him about Gavin's repugnance towards his own brother, and he made a note to ask the guy himself once he was able to answer properly.  
"He appears to be in a rather unresponsive state, Mr. Kamski. I think that it isn't simple refusal to react, but I am unsure of what exactly is going on with him."  
Nines had walked back to the bedroom after watching the cat eat a little.  
"Is he repeating things you're saying?"  
"Yes."  
"Try to lift his arms. But be careful, he might try to tense up," Kamski instructed. If the other could already ask questions such as these, then he must know what was going on.  
While the android gently helped Gavin to sit up and lean back against the headboard, he asked: "What is happening to him?" Gavin mumbled along: ".. happening to him."  
Nines lifted his left arm up, bending it at a 90 degree angle to have the fingers pointing downwards. As he let go, Gavin remained in that position, muscles tensing in the limb.  
"Are his arms complying to positioning?"  
"Yes." "..Yes."  
The man sighed, and ordered Chloe to get a car ready. "This has happened before. Do not worry too much. I'll come over and take the necessary measures to make sure he'll be okay."  
This still didn't answer his question. He looked up at the window, noting his yellow-spinning LED. "Once you're here, will you tell me what is going on? I am rather distressed by his behaviour." "..distressed by his behaviour."  
"Of course. Send me his address, please. I'll be there as soon as possible."

The call ended, and Nines looked back down at Gavin, sending their current location to Kamski. He had to get him dressed before his brother arrived.

"I'll help you get dressed now, Gavin." He got up and walked to the rack in the living room to grab the dry clothes. "..dressed now, Gavin."  
Ava entered the bedroom with him when he had chosen a white shirt and grey sweatpants.  
The cat watched Gavin with curiosity; it would have been adorable to Nines when she jumped into his lap, curling up in a ball. It was as if she knew her owner wasn't feeling well. But given the current circumstances, it was nothing but sad when his partner didn't react to her in the slightest.

Nines put Ava on the mattress next to him and lifted Gavin's arms up to get the shirt on him. There was no resistance other than him falling to the side once. Nines had caught him, and laid him back down, positioning his arms back to rest at his sides. The pants were a little harder to put on, but in the end he managed. He gently placed Ava back at Gavin's side, stroking the white fur on her head.

He scanned him again, something he couldn't stop himself from doing ever since having first met him. He was dehydrated from lack of water and indulging in alcoholic beverages last night, but giving him anything to drink orally was most likely not going to work. Same went with eating. If Gavin was as unresponsive as he seemed, then he would only choke the man with his attempt to feed him.

Nines had been made just for this man. He was to watch out for him if he chose to do so, and if he took care of him it would be "greatly appreciated" by Elijah Kamski. If he had only chosen to be his working partner at the Detroit Police Department, then his crime-solving protocols would have served as a foolproof requirement to do so. If he had walked off and left Gavin all by himself, then he was sure another android would have been sent the guy's way, until one would decide the way Kamski wanted them to.  
But he decided to be around him, no matter how irritating his nicknames were, or how aggressive he was with everything. Especially towards him.  
Gavin was.. oddly fascinating to him. The man was angry almost all of the time. But even though he was pushing everyone away, claiming they were annoying him, it was obvious to Nines that Gavin was not letting _himself_ get close to anyone. It was sad to watch him destroy his body, when there was no reason he should be so hard on himself.

He was a great detective, and it seemed like a good friend to Tina as well. Something most likely happened in his past, that caused him to believe that he deserved pain and to isolate himself from everyone around him.

Nines pondered on the emotions he was feeling whenever thinking back to the moment he saw the self-inflicted bruise on his cheek. When he tried his best to eat something, but ultimately struggled against a force that hindered him to even finish half of a small-sized meal.

It was concern. And worry. It made his thirium pump give up for a short amount of time whenever he saw how dead Gavin's eyes could look as he got lost in thoughts. That's why he stayed. It was why he was going to stay.

Gavin observed. He observed, because he couldn't do anything else. His body had given up on him, and he found himself unable to react to Nines' adjustments to his body. It was as if he stood beside himself, watching what was going on from a different perspective, while he had left his body to be nothing but a shell.  
When the other lifted his arm, he didn't truly feel the synthetic skin on his own. It was more like sensing pressure, without the accompanying understanding of what was really happening.

It was easier to mimic him, repeating the words he heard he didn't have to think of himself, even if he didn't comprehend their meaning. The sounds were familiar, but unknown all the same. The only connection he had left, one he desperately held on to for a reason he couldn't discern.

He wanted to move. He didn't like this. But what was this?

Nines walked away again when there was a shrill sound, and soon came back. Was it soon? What time was it?  
He had to get ready for work. He had to get up.  
He couldn't lose his job.

Nines opened the door to let Elijah Kamski and his assistant, Chloe, in. Both wore rather casual clothes, surprisingly. But it was fit for the occasion. Gavin didn't need to feel intimidated by everyone around him wearing something formal; it was enough he still wore his button-up and jeans as he currently lacked the wardrobe to change into anything else. Maybe once Gavin was feeling better, they could go and buy clothes together.

"Hello, Richard," the man greeted him, and entered the apartment. He looked at the living room with slight distaste, his hands coming to rest on his hips, while Chloe carried in a bag and.. IV stand. "Yeah, my brother was never really one to decorate. He liked to keep things.. simple. But this is just sad." He shook his head in disappointment.  
Nines felt the need to defend Gavin surge up in him. "Mr. Kamski, you didn't stop by only to insult my partner's taste, did you? It would be nice if you could finally explain to me what is going on so that I can act accordingly."  
He politely took the bag from Chloe's shoulder, and carried it back to the bedroom.

He felt hope spark in his chest when he saw Gavin move by himself. The man was sitting up slowly, only his torso moving, tensing, and head leaning back without the assistance of his arms.

The faith was washed away just as quickly as it came when his right arm curled up, wrist bending at a rather awkward angle and fingers looking like he was trying to claw at something, while his left arm stretched to the side, twisting back so that the palm of his hand was facing the ceiling.

Nines carefully put the bag down next to the bed, and was about to readjust his position, when Kamski stopped him.  
"Wait a few seconds. Let him catch up with what is going on around him."  
The man walked closer to the bed, and sat down.  
It didn't appear that his brother was in the least concerned about Gavin's unmoving form. It angered Nines, but he held back from saying anything about it. His creator was here. He cared to some degree.  
"Hey, little brother. I heard you are having a bad day." "..you are havin' a bad day."  
"But don't worry. We'll fix you up again," he smiled sympathetically at him. "Will fix you up ag'in."

"Hm.. he's starting to slur his words." Kamski mumbled pensively. "Has he moved on his own before we got here?"  
Chloe was setting up the IV stand next to him. Nines wanted to help, but he couldn't do anything but stare at Gavin's stiff physique.  
"..own 'fore we god here."  
"No, he did that just now."

Elijah set his hands on Gavin's arm, attempting to put it back down, but the man started to lean aside, muscles growing more rigid the harder he tried. He let go of him again, seeing that it was no use.  
"We need his arm to be relaxed to put the needle in," Chloe informed him when she saw how Nines' LED was spinning faster at the scene in front of him.  
The RK900 noted that Gavin only repeated the words of those people in his direct vision.

"Let me try. He allowed me to move his limbs before." Nines sat on the mattress when his creator got up.  
HIs database didn't show too many results or solutions on how to handle Gavin in this state. So he gingerly placed his fingertips over his partner's wrist, just holding them there for a moment. "Hey, Gavin. I know you must be feeling distressed right now. But don't worry. I'm here in case anything happens." "'nythin'.. happens."  
Nines moved his hand over the other's forearm, glad to feel less resistance.  
"Good, just like that. Try to relax."  
Gavin's eyes closed. His left arm slowly let itself be guided back to his side, and Nines helped him lay back down so he could adjust the man into a more comfortable stance.

He stepped away again so Chloe could do what she needed to do.   
Nines didn't like all of this. Even if he had helped Gavin, he felt.. powerless. It wasn't nice to watch all of this. Why couldn't they bring him to a hospital and let the doctor take care of him?  
The android felt the need to occupy his hands somehow.

"Interesting. You seem perfectly capable to take care of Gavin, Richard. He wouldn't let his own brother touch him. But you somehow got through to him," Elijah smiled contently, but Nines knew that this fact must have been biting at his pride.  
"I just did what was needed. Now, please let us concentrate on the task at hand. I... feel very distraught about this situation." He just wanted to see Gavin awake again. Even if he was only to yell at him. It would at least be something.

"Alright, the drip rate is adjusted. There are a few more IV bags in the white container," Chloe pointed at the plastic box she had pulled out of the black bag they had bought along.  
"It would be best to keep him connected to them at all times, until he can eat and drink by himself again."  
"But how do we know he'll wake up? Mr. Kamski," he turned to face the man, "I take this has happened before. You told me that you were going to explain what is happening to Gavin, but I still haven't heard you say a word about that."  
Elijah crossed his arms over his chest, eyes gazing at the still form on the bed. "I can promise you that he'll get back to us, as long as we take good care of him. At the moment he is in a catatonic state. As you know, I built you to make sure my little brother doesn't do something.. drastic, due to his depression. He may have never gone to a doctor for it, but I know him better than he does himself.  
The first, and back then last, time this had happened, he had just laid in his bed all day. He didn't get up, didn't respond when I called to him. He only mimicked what I was saying. I did a little research and found out that he may be suffering from Catatonic Depression. I got him to the hospital, despite our father's nagging to just leave him in his room. He woke up a few days later, luckily. But you can guess how distressed and angry he was for having been put in that facility. Hence I choose to do what I can to help him recover quickly. Here, in his own home."

Nines looked up symptoms of catatonia, and it indeed fit Gavin's current behaviour; staring, stupor or catalepsy. His research also showed that certain medication was needed. And he was not going to let Kamski administer anything without the approval of a doctor.  
"What about medicine?"  
"I'll give Gavin five days, before we get him to a doctor. They will take it from there."  
Chloe grabbed the bag back from the floor, leaving the container with IV bags next to the nightstand. The two were already preparing to go, leaving him alone with his hurt (?) partner. His stress levels rose, and he followed them to the door.  
"I-is there anything I should pay attention to? Maybe some sort of exercises I should have him do?"  
Elijah shook his head. "I don't see how that would help. When I tried to make him hold something, he just refused to comply. Just give him time. Maybe sit next to him to show that he's not alone."  
Nines nodded, his stress level balancing near 40%.  
"Goodbye then.. and thank you," Nines said, and he closed the door behind them.

* * *

As Kamski had advised, he stayed with Gavin most of the time for two days - he called in sick to work, stating that it was an emergency he had to take care of. He got up now and then to feed Ava, or play with her. Even brought her to the unmoving man, with no reaction from his side.  
Occasionally, Gavin just stared at the ceiling, then maybe at him, just watching him read a book about psychology he had found in the small bookshelf in the other room.  
He washed him with a cloth after the second day, making sure not to move him too quickly and always tell him what he was going to do next. If Gavin was aware of the things he was doing, then he wanted to let the other know that he did nothing but care. That he didn't judge him - especially while seeing him naked. He didn't have an ulterior move doing so, except for making sure that he was clean.

Tina called two times, and he talked with her for a few minutes each. Nines lied to her whenever she asked how Gavin was doing. He didn't say he was okay, but he left out the fact that he currently was in some sort of coma. She had offered to come over, but Nines refused, guessing that the other was not going to feel comfortable around anyone else.

The third day arrived. Elijah brought him a charging station over, placing it in an empty corner next to the bed. Upon telling him that it wasn't necessary, he only claimed that it was for Gavin's safety. If he needed to charge, he would need to leave the apartment. And that would be a big risk for his brother.  
He hated that Elijah was right. In the end he was thankful for the man's consideration. He didn't want to leave Gavin on his own either.

He had decided to go into standby for two hours after drinking half a bottle of thirium, so he could check on the other in short intervals until he was fully charged.

Gavin groaned upon waking up, rubbing his dry eyes as he had rarely blinked before finally being able to move again.  
He was uncertain as to why he had woken up from his catatonic state this time. He remembered everything he had seen, but not his thoughts.  
His broken nose hurt less, and that was one comfort he felt.. along with something else. He felt... _secure_. He felt safe. His eyes drifted over to Nines. He was standing motionless in the machine.

Maybe it was an aftereffect of his time under, but he felt almost lonely without the guy right next to him. He wanted to be held, feel needed.

He wanted to feel the warmth of someone else against him, therefore taking away the unrelenting cold in his bones.  
So he got up, removing the needle from his arm carefully and stopping the constant drip. It was difficult to take the few steps over to the living room. His body felt drained. But he made do, and soon he knelt in front of the CD player, putting in the disc from his grandpa.

He knew what song he wanted to hear right now. Paul Anka's "Put your Head on my Shoulders" started sounding through his apartment.  
Ava meowed at him, and he turned to her.  
"Hello, princess. Has Nines taken good care of you for me?" He pet her head, listening to her quiet purrs.  
"I'm sure you missed me, Ava. Don't worry though. I don't plan on leaving you again. Who else is going to talk to you like a crazy person?" he chuckled.

A whine escaped him when he stood back up, leaning on the wall to stabilise himself as he felt like passing out.  
"Ugh.. never again," he mumbled to himself. He hated Catatonia. It rendered him useless for days, and afterwards he felt like ass.

Gavin stumbled back to his bed, sitting on the side that was closer to Nines. He watched him, wondering if he should hug him. It was a quick thought. One he couldn't push away in his tired mind.  
When Nines had taken care of him, he had felt appreciated like never before. He would be lying if he said that he hadn't enjoyed the caressing fingers over his forehead to push some of the hairs away. He _adored_ it when Nines spent most of the time with him, even when he was immobilised. There had been no expectations from him to do anything.  
He _loved_ it when Nines was just there, and talking with him. Even if he hadn't been able to answer, it was nice to hear his calm voice; one that started to sound less and less cold as time moved on.

Gavin pushed himself off the bed, and stood before the android. He looked up at his blank face, and the calm blue of the LED. He waved his hand in front of his face, but he didn't seem to take notice.  
No matter if he craved touch right now or not: he didn't really feel like getting caught hugging him. That was just awkward; the thought alone was, really.  
But Gavin couldn't get himself to care enough when imagining just holding onto someone with the song playing in the background. With one last mental push, he wrapped his shaking arms around the other, burying his face in his chest. He might have been doing this secretly, but the music, and sensation of warmth emanating from his partner's body put him at indescribable ease, and he let out a sigh as he held onto his shirt tightly.

Until he felt strong arms embracing him back.

His heart stopped for a moment, and he didn't dare breathe.

"I'm happy to see you awake again, Gavin."  
He couldn't bring himself to look up. He was sure his whole face was red. He shouldn't have hugged him. He should have gone back to bed and told himself that this had been a stupid idea!  
But Nines only held him tighter. "I was worried about you."  
"..Sure." He couldn't fully believe that - he could. But he chose not to. Because he was scared that this was not true. It felt too good to be true.  
"Gavin, I am being honest. I don't know if you remember the past three days, but let me tell you that I was genuinely concerned. I..," the android struggled to find the right words, "I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I would be very glad to be your friend. If you let me."

He didn't know what to say to that. Friend requests weren't coming in left and right often. And now a machine.. Nines was offering to be his friend.  
Part of him wanted to decline. But the other told him that the other part was being an asshole. He thought back to Tina, the way he had treated her, the way he had treated his partner. After all he had done, they were still here. Self-doubt sparked in his mind, but he pushed it away long enough to finally answer the other's question:

"Okay. But no tellin' anyone about this.. current situation."

He heard Nines chuckle softly, and he couldn't help but smile at the sound.  
"Alright. I won't tell anyone that Gavin Reed is actually a big softie for hugs."

"Heh, screw you."


	8. This isn't progress! I'm walking on a fucking treadmill!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no way he is ever going to change.  
> He is damned to lead a life in pain.
> 
> Simple concept, really.
> 
> Talking with an intoxicated Hank isn't helping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like the last chapter was trash, ngl.  
> Even if it was interesting to try to describe catatonia linked to depression.  
> I do not have it myself, so it won't be 100% accurate.
> 
> Also I am running on only two cups of coffee right now. I am having a huge caffeine crash due to my usual six or seven.  
> School doesn't let me indulge in my addiction, lmao.
> 
> And there was a bug on the counter. I smashed it, but i didn't see it anymore, but then I looked at my hand, and it was on there so I screamed like a little b. and shook my hand, but now it's gone and I dont know where it is!

He was sure Nines had expected him to fall for it. He knew he would feel dependent after getting out of his fucking catatonic dEPreSsIoN, and he now thought everything was fine and dandy between them.

Gavin, admittedly, blamed himself the most though, for having acted on this stupid impulse a few days ago. A hug? Was that all it took to make him warm up to him? No, it damn wasn't. He had just planned and faked it all, because that's how it was with androids. They couldn't feel. It was not possible! They weren't.. **alive**!

For all Gavin knew, it was his "partner's" fault that he fell into this state in the first place. If he hadn't pushed him all the time to do something, to drink this damn water when all he had wanted was a nice drunk evening, then he wouldn't have ran away. If it wasn't for him, he could be dead now. But _oh no_ , that would be **soo** bad, because life is just so nice and enjoyable. It had all these beautiful things in it; like murder, betrayal, narcissists, liars... should he go on? The list was endless for reasons as to why it wasn't worth to live a moment longer. And still, Gavin was here.

He brushed it off as wimpiness from his side.

It was Friday. On Wednesday he could go back to work. He could go back outside for a reason other than going grocery shopping, which Nines forced him to do.  
Damn, fake-ass, nanny-protocols.

He hated it outside. It was too bright, and there were too many people around in the supermarket at this afternoon hour. Good thing they were minding their business. Even with this metal giant walking next to him. Maybe they left him and his slowly recovering nose and ugly looks alone, because that asshole was next to him. He was threatening if he wanted to be, surely. After all, he was perfect. And Gavin was just.. Gavin Reed. Local bully getting bullied by his coworkers.  
Yep. Someone slipped and told someone else at the precinct that he had (accidentally) hit Tina in the face, who then told it to someone else and... well, now everyone knew. Problem was, that the "accidental" was silent. Now his peers had taken it upon themselves to spam him with messages. Sometimes he received questions from people who wanted to hear his view as well - but these were seldom. Most just expressed the disgust they were feeling towards him. One he felt for himself as well.  
"Why would you hit Tina? She was your friend!"  
"Jerk"  
"How can Fowler even employ someone like you?"  
He didn't feel bothered. Why should he care what some pretentious people he barely knew thought of him? **He** is the detective, and those who contacted him were mere officers. He was better than them by default.

The shorter man didn't look up from his phone when Nines demanded his undivided attention. And he would have kept ignoring it if the android didn't lean over to peek at his phone's screen.  
"Phckin'-" he cursed, but quickly quashed the rising anger, leaving his face expressionless. He needed to be careful with this walking scanner around. His plan to show it that he was okay, so it would move out and leave him the fuck alone, could fall short if he let anything slip. "Don't scare me like that." He stuffed the phone back in his jeans' pocket.  
"Gavin, is there anything specific you'd like to eat?" RK900 asked innocently as they stood in front of the vegetable isle. Why innocent? Because that plastic prick was playing him for a fool. Had played him mere days ago. He was angry to have let his guard down around him, and... ~~hugged~~ him. He couldn't believe it himself. And actually wanted to forget it, too.  
But Gavin had had enough time to get his shit together after waking up from his comatose condition. This time he would play _it_. Everything aggravating he felt, every time he looked in the mirror and saw a cowardly schmuck, he suppressed the emotions that came along with it. Let his nanny figure out that he was fine in the end, and didn't need to be chatted up and put in a box with those who really had problems and weren't just too weak for this world. Like him.

"Nah, just throw something like ramen in the basket already so we can go home," he said calmly, crossing his arms over his chest. Food still didn't sound good to him. But he would have to eat whatever Nines served him. He had done so for the past days with much effort. He finished about 3/4 of a meal before he said that he was full. It wasn't ever really a lie. He felt no hunger, so basically he was full enough all the time. Because if he didn't feel an appetite, that meant his body didn't need anything to eat. That's just how the human body worked. But the android always watched him intently during breakfast, lunch and dinner, so he had to eat.

Nines started picking out some veggies, so Gavin got his phone out again. A missed call from Tina. Ah, yes. He should apologise. He hadn't done so yet. And he was sure she had called more often, but at these times he had been busy with self-loathing and watching something on TV.  
"I'll be outside for a bit, Nines. Calling someone."  
He didn't wait for an answer as he left his partner standing there to go outside the supermarket.  
It was waaaay too bright outside. Gavin put on his sunglasses.  
The line rang a couple of times, before she picked up.  
Just like everyone else greeted the other through phone nowadays, it was by yelling: "Gavin! My god, I've been trying to reach you for days now! What happened last week? Are you okay?"  
Gavin wanted to hang up already. He was getting irritated by her hollow questions. Gavin knew that she didn't care. It was impossible after all the things he'd done to her over the years. He felt guilt slithering through his veins like a snake, waiting and lurking for him to make another mistake. He would need to keep this conversation short before he hurt her again.  
"Yes, T. I'm okay," he even smiled along the dishonesty, as if she could see him through the phone. Now to make up a good excuse, before she got suspicious. "I just.. Nines moved into my apartment, and we were busy organising shit, y'know?"   
He voice turned a little more cheery: "Oh, really? That's great news! You two aren't sharing a bed, are you?"  
"What?! NO! I-," breathe Gavin. Don't lose your grip. Keep your shit together. "Tina, I want to apologise. Because of last week."

Her giggling stopped, and Gavin wasn't really sure why. Was she still mad at him after all? Had she somehow forgotten, despite the whole office not living it down on his end?

"I.. had a bad day. You know me, and my way of handling things.." He didn't know apologizing was so difficult. It wasn't that he didnt want to with Tina. He just didn't know what to say. It seemed hopeless to try. He didn't deserve forgiveness.

"Yeah, you told me. You broke your sunglasses, right?"

And him, the idiot of all idiot's out there, falls into her trap: "Uh, yeah." He had to learn to keep up with his own bullshit he was serving people.

"Gavin, what's really going on?" Her voice had become serious. "One moment you tell me you beat someone up who was cutting in line - which doesn't sound good on it's own - and the next it's just you breaking your glasses. You're lying to me, Gavin."

Shame bubbled up inside of him, and he pulled the hood over his head. He felt caught and trapped; by his own doing nevertheless. He had to take notes of his lies or something. Because now he had some explaining to do that he really didn't want to.

"Are you feeling de-"  
" **I am fine, Tina**. I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour last week. So there: Sorry! I'm sorry I was being a giant dick as usual and hurt you. It had not been my intention. Now get off my back!" He quickly pressed the red button on the screen. This could have gone better. Much better. Fuck, he felt worse than before now. The guilt struck him with its sharp teeth, right into his heart.  
What was the use of apologising? He barely did so, for a good reason. Reasons like this; you give people one opening and they will take it to put their noses far up one's business. And Gavin was not one to fall for this shit. He had done his homework, and even more, when it came to the psychology of people. Bootlickers, egoists.

He turned his head to peek inside the supermarket. He couldn't see the pile of nuts and bolts anywhere. Good.

Because he will go home now, without it on his heels.  
He got to get away from here. From the people staring at him. He had talked a bit too loud when talking with Tina.

So he jogged down the street, past the families and occasional lonely androids and humans in his way. Maybe he should take a little trip. Go to a train station and drive far away for just a few hours.  
The jog turned to a sprint, and soon he found himself in front of a place that would be much better than a train. He huffed from all the exercise, a dry cough escaping him. He used to be a little fitter than that, didn't he? Was he getting lazy, too, now? Shit human body.  
His heart was beating out of his chest, and his fingers were shaking. Was he having a heart attack? He wouldn't turn one down. C'mon, god! Give it your best shot! Take him away already! He's been here for far too long.  
He stepped into the bar, not paying much mind to the name, and left the loud and ugly world behind him. It's judging gazes. He had to get away. If only for a few blissful moments until Nines ultimately found him.

There was a tall bartender behind the bar, the counter taking up most of the left side in the, with smell of smoke and alcohol congested, room. Across the entrance were the restrooms, and along the right side of the wall there were tables with uncomfortable looking benches around them. Gavin walked up to the man, ordering himself whiskey. Something strong to start off. He paid for it quickly, and finished the drink in the same tempo. It didn't even burn sweetly in the back of his throat.

No one went alone to a bar during the day who didn't want to forget something. And barely anyone felt like talking either when down in their dumps, so low in their life that numbing one's senses was the only way to relieve the emotional pain. So why the hell did the person next to him have to start a conversation him?

Why **Hank**?

"Not feelin' too well, are ya?" the man grumbled, but there was still a faint smile on his old face. He was facing his hands laying on the countertop.  
Gavin didn't answer. He didn't owe shit to Anderson; and definitely no answer to this particular question. He wanted to sit down at the furthest table in the corner, away from this asshole with "a hard shell, but was actually all heart" - as his coworkers described. Why did this guy of all people constantly get a pass in life? Despite coming in to work late, talking back to Fowler and being drunk and irritable all the time, his peers liked him more! _It wasn't fair_. Whatever he did, life just made sure that someone else, who didn't even deserve it, got ahead of him.  
But Gavin still sat down on the barstool next to Anderson, ordering himself two more of the same. Would be too much of a fucking walk to order anyway.

"You also hidin' from yer personal nanny?" Did this man ever shut up?  
"What reason do _you_ have to hide? Aren't you 'getting better'?" Gavin's tone was laced with poison, and he wished he was able to choke on it. Alas, the glasses were placed in front of him, and he gently set his fingers around the cool glass, watching the bronze coloured liquid shine in the light from the lamps overhead.

Gavin grabbed the pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and checked for his lighter. But his search came up empty - had he dropped it? No wonder, nothing ever went his way.

"I am.. slowly, and with boulders in my way. I need to take a break once in a while to collect my strength." Oh, that much was true. Only that Gavin felt like he always needed a break. From people, like Tina and Nines who pretended to care for him, but never understood that he just wanted to be left alone. And from his private life. But the latter was pretty difficult to avoid. Until Wednesday.  
The man behind the bar held a lighter out to him, and he took it gratefully. Hot smoke filled his lungs as he inhaled. This was the best kind of breathing. Every cigarette brought him closer to a goal he wasn't sure if he wanted to achieve. But something in his mind craved that end nevertheless. Was it so bad to wish for a quicker death? What was so horrible about it? It was his own damn choice, too. But other's always made sure to let one know that these habits weren't healthy. Yeah, because he really fucking cared about being healthy and living another day in this shithole called "existence".  
Gavin downed the second whiskey in one go again.

Hank watched him. He felt eyes burning into his skull. He glared back at him, asking: "What the hell do you want from me, old-timer? There something on my face?"  
He only let out a chuckle: "Nothing but the usual ugly mug." Bastard.  
Gavin looked the lieutenant up and down. He looked drunk already. He must have been here a while. Of course he would only talk to the younger man while intoxicated. There was no other way for someone to actually want to talk to him otherwise. How did Nines and Tina do it? He was bad-tempered, resentful and violent towards them.  
It hurt to think about this. Another raise from his hand and the third glass was empty.

He wanted to drown the thoughts. They were always bugging him, even if they were useless. He didn't need an answer as to why Nines was willing to "help" him. What use was knowing the answer, when the question itself was useless. Useless. It was all so _fucking useless_!  
Gavin was glad to not have removed his sunglasses. His eyes were burning, and he didn't want Hank fucking Anderson to see him hold back tears.  
He felt trapped in his life. Everything was coming to crash down around him. Nothing made sense. Things only ever made sense when he was working; with facts, evidence. Not all this emotional and feely-touchy bullshit.

"Y'know what's really funny?" Gavin ordered himself another two glasses as he listened to Anderson babble on, slamming some bills on the counter and sliding them over to the bartender.  
"The reason why I'm here is.. Connor found me lying in the kitchen again yesterday," Gavin waited patiently for the punchline, "after I passed out playing Russian roulette!" The man started laughing. It didn't sound genuine. It sounded nothing but miserable. He almost started to believe that Hank knew what he was going through. The dark hues of the conversation were next-to prove enough for him.  
Gavin imagined himself holding a gun to his head. It just felt.. too quick. And if paired with Russian roulette, then there was also the possibility of not succeeding. And he had had enough failures in one lifetimes.

Maybe overdose from some sort of meds? Driving his car against a tree? Jumping off a bridge?  
Now the last two sounded more like something he would do.

Could he though? Possibly playing hangman?

The whiskey started to taste bitter.

 _"Mom?" Gavin was just a 14 year-old boy. Innocent and still with some sort of hope in him left that his parents would get back together. He had just_ _witnessed his parents getting divorced, had moved to a new house and been sent to a more local school where he had barely found any friends. The only one he still had at that time was Tina, and the only lucky thing that had happened to him back then was her also switching to that school around the same time._  
_He stood before his mother's apartment. It wasn't in a great neighbourhood. Not even a good one._  
_He chose to let himself in with the spare key he had been given when there was no answer._

_Gavin still blamed himself for her death. Seeing her glassy eyes stare down at him from high up, body swinging very lightly in the soft wind that passed through the open window. Maybe even still from the push._

His mother had been beautiful. Very much so. The images burned into his mind's eye had reminded him more and more of a portrait of an angel over the years. He was sure that the day she committed suicide, heaven - or whatever was up there - had gained another beauty. He wouldn't have the joy to feel the same. After all he had done in his life, with his bastard of a father constantly drilling his worthlessness into him - making him _believe and claw onto that_ -, he knew he would go to hell. Did they have a VIP lounge? Hopefully at least a bar.

"So, you wanna continue boring me with your stories all day, or drink me under the table until our baby-sitters find us?" Gavin rubbed his eyes. Tired. He wanted both to lay down, and stand straight. Nothing would come from trying to sleep anyways. Nothing ever came from anything.  
"Sure, kid. I'll jus' ignore that you have'n advantage here. Ya prolly can't handle alcohol well'nyway."  
"Prick." To somehow prove a dumb point, he finished his next glass with Hank looking over at him.  
His legs felt heavy. But his head was beginning to feel lighter. Things got quieter. Gavin smiled when another whiskey was set in front of him, a double of what he had previously ordered.  
Gavin accepted it, and Hank and him clinked the glasses before each drinking a little.  
"Next round's on you, Reed."  
"Wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

Woah.. Gavin was beginning to see double. At the door to Jimmy's bar were two Connors. Or two Nines. He didn't want to see either of them though, so he rested his head back on his forearms where it had been before he heard someone yelling the name of the man next to him.  
Hank didn't look like he had wanted the party to end, either. It had been fun to drink with Hank, admittedly. Hank didn't judge him.

"Ey," the other hiccuped, shaking him by the shoulder, "our mothers're here.. we gotta go." Gavin refused to look up. He was way too comfortable in this barstool. He didn't ever want to get up. Nor did he ever want to stop drinking. It was peaceful.. Peace...

He was at peace. With the things that were going on. Did he really have to work? It wasn't all too important. No one there would miss him if they had already decided to send him on "vacation". He could just let Nines keep working for him. The android was better than him at this anyway.

Gavin groaned when someone tried to pull him off from the chair, and tried to push them off with his elbows. It didn't go as he wanted, and the android managed to lift him up. Even in his drunken haze he knew what he was going for, so he quickly lashed out his hand, and pushed his head away. He looked hilariously annoyed by that gesture, LED yellow.  
"I can walk," a hiccup left him, "by my-fucking-self!" Gavin stumbled towards the door, bitterness making itself known in his head. The evening - what time was it? - just had to be ruined by these two RK's. He called bull. A giant pile of shit.

Warm air greeted him outside. The sun was setting, and beautiful orange and purple clouds dotted the sky. He stared up at them until he heard his name being called. He looked over to Hank. "Was nice drinkin' with ya, Reed. We gotta repeat this sometime." The lieutenant was being held up mostly by Connor at this point.  
He wasn't off that much better, with all the swaying he was doing. The world tilted to the right... then the left. Haha, this was fun. Just watching his world become blurry, only to focus again for a few seconds.  
"Yeah, we gotta. An' next time, we'll play fair."  
Connor helped Hank into the taxi standing at the side of the road, and with that they were off. Goodbye, drinkin' buddy...

He was suddenly lifted up, and thrown over Nines' shoulder, a firm grip holding his legs so he couldn't kick him. Too bad. He wouldn't mind having it a little rough.  
Gavin watched the pavement pass, the occasional piece of trash laying abandoned on the ground. Would Nines throw him away just like that plastic cup over there? He seemed pretty angry, with the way he wasn't talking.  
He was so warm.

"Y'know.. you got a nice ass.. 'specially from this perspective," Gavin giggled. When the android didn't respond, he lifted his arm, smacking his butt. That caused him to at least stop walking for a moment. "Feels good, too.. did you know I'm gay? I can spot a nice ass from miles away."  
"Gavin," Nines put him down again, gripping him by his shoulders tightly, "why are you doing this to yourself? I don't understand why you.. I don't get-" His LED turned red, and the shorter man looked up with an expressionless face. He was too drunk to fully register what was happening. Or did he just not want to see the shimmering in Nines' eyes?

"I thought you were getting better! I thought after you woke up, you finally saw that you are appreciated. That you aren't just a waste of space or whatever horrible nonsense you must be telling yourself." Ouch. Having his cards laid out on the table hurt a little.  
"After spending a little over a week with you, I thought we were finally becoming something like.. friends. It was nice to spend time with you, if you believe it or not. I enjoy your company when you aren't punching or insulting me. I like cooking for you and making sure your apartment is in order. I don't care if that were the only reason you'd let me stay!" Gavin stared at the tear that rolled down Nines' cheek, and he leaned his head to the side. He was the one who didn't understand. What was Nines telling him? And why did his chest seize up at the sight of him crying? His hand rested on his own chest. Something heavy had settled there, and he wished he could pull it away.

"So please, Gavin... stop doing this to yourself already! I can't watch it anymore. _It hurts_." More tears ran down his cheeks.

"I.. I'm sorry. But I can't. I can't, Nines!" his own tears began to blurry his vision further, until everything was just an obscurity of colours. "I can't get better even if I wanted to!" His knees buckled under the weight of his words, but his partner was there to catch him, and lowered him to the ground gently.  
"I'll jus' wake up tomorrow, sober, and do the same things I've always done. I'll be'n asshole like I'm all the time." He sobbed into his hands, trying to hold the noise back. "I'll jus' feel tired from sleepin', hungry from eatin'. It won't get better!"  
Arms wrapped around him. "It will get better, Gavin. And I will be there every step of the way with you, got it?"  
"You won't leave when I'm being angry ag'in?"  
"I won't."  
"..Promise?"  
Nines soothingly caressed his back. "I promise."

That broke the dam that had been holding back the rest of the tears. Gavin was sure he was an ugly crier, but he didn't care if Nines saw him like that. The alcohol numbed the shame well. More tears started flowing, and he sniffed in a miserable attempt to keep the snot at bay. The man in front of him wiped it off for him with a handkerchief, dried the tears that were just replaced by the next his tear ducts must have been saving for years now.

He wanted to try. He wanted to give it a shot. Maybe he could finally find happiness after all?

Nines wrapped his arms back around his chest, and lifted him off the asphalt, guiding his legs to come around the taller guy's hips, and he complied. Gavin leaned against Nines' chest, arms resting over his shoulders, and they were on their way back home again.

"Say.. are you gay?"  
"I can't say that I'm not. I fear I haven't had any experiences like that yet."  
"Did you feel something when you looked at my shlong?"  
Nines chuckled quietly. "Maybe."


	9. Well, doesn't this suck balls?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin finally can go back to do his job, wohoo! Things are looking up, too.  
> Especially with this odd case at their hands.
> 
> And then Nines has to open his dumb mouth, and ruin it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be less frequent updates. I started a bet with a friend to see who will have better grades this year.  
> The five bottles of Spezi are gonna be mine.

The next day had been rather... uncomfortable. Gavin had a bad hangover and rushed to the toilet two times before his stomach settled a little.  
But the discomfort wasn't only physical. He had felt mentally drained from yesterday as well. Because of Hank reminding him of his mother, and then later on when Nines told him that he was going to be okay. It was hard to believe, really. After all, there wasn't much of anything to prove his partner's theory. No life-changing event, no sort of enlightenment.

And still.. he wanted to believe Nines. Something in him _hoped_ that he was right. In the end, the android had a point; he couldn't continue doing this. Constantly edging between the choice of life and death wasn't helpful, and complicated things in his private and business life too greatly.

In the morning he had woken up to Nines standing in the charging station, and despite the pounding behind his eyes the guy had chosen to sit him down at the couch to just talk to him about what happened yesterday once he got back online. Gavin chose to not elaborate on anything too much; he left out the messages from his coworkers completely, while telling him that the apology to Tina hadn't gone too well.  
When he refused to continue their short conversation as it slowly worked towards his daily thoughts and struggles, Nines didn't pry and instead... complemented him for what he had been willing to tell. It was odd to receive praise, and difficult to accept. Gavin always felt uncomfortable for being congratulated about things that were just so easy for everyone else. It was like someone getting a participation certificate at some event that they haven't come close to winning; "Thank you for trying, and really just failing miserably."  
Gavin chose to just ignore the compliment and move on. It had really not been anything to get worked up about.

When the detective urged Nines to go back to work on Sunday, swearing that he would piss in his bottles of blue blood kept in the fridge if he took another sick day because of him, his partner complied. That had left Gavin to do things on his own again. Not that he was going to do housework, haha. Nines took care of that before he could even think about it. But he did choose to keep his mind busy by going to the gym again.  
Gavin wasn't out of shape, far from that with his type of work, but it couldn't be bad to keep up some sort of schedule during his days he would have to spend off, A.K.A. not doing overtime as before. His official days he was allowed to stay home to regain his energy had been used to do deskwork and whatnot. Nines was insistent on the importance of taking a break once in a while. "Just try it out for a while once you're back at the DPD. Having some time for yourself might do you good. And if you don't like it, then I won't bother you with it again," the android had assured him. He just had to give it a shot. That still rose doubts in him. About laziness. What if once he started working less, he would want to take breaks more often? That couldn't fly. He feared that he wouldn't be able to get back on track.

"Nines, we gotta get to the crime scene yesterday," Gavin nagged as his partner tried to shove a little box with his lunch in his face.  
He had finally gone back to the precinct for a week now. He felt better and more energetic due to his few workouts already, and the meals Nines prepared for him. He was thankful he didn't have to bother figuring out what to eat every day anymore.

When the android gave him a doubtful look, Gavin huffed: "I'll eat it once we're back, okay? Promise."  
He didn't look completely contempt, but at least he put the little plastic container with salad back down on the table. "Alright."  
The detective ignored the venomous looks his peers gave him as he walked down the hallway towards the exit of the building.

Once the two sat in the car and he steered off the parking lot, Nines spoke up about it. It must have been bothering him for a while, if the worry in his words weren't an indication: "How are things with Tina going? Have you tried calling her again?"  
"Nope," Gavin huffed, tensing a little. He hoped the other wouldn't notice.  
"It would be good to make up properly, and not over the phone. It seems our colleagues have gotten a wrong impression on what really had happened."  
"What gives? I don't care what they think of me. People are quick to assume things that aren't true. And I've been an asshole to them since I started."  
"Past events don't have to shape their opinion of you forever, though. Everyone can change." Yeah, everyone except him.  
"Nines, I don't want to talk about this now. We got a case to work on. Juicy one, too; most likely a victim to red ice dealers."  
His partner sighed. "It sounds very inappropriate the way you word it. I conclude you mean that the case will be less easy as it had been last time." Suuuure.  
"By the way, once you got a day off, could you finally buy some other things to wear? At least while you're at the apartment. I can't relax with you always wearing button-ups and dress pants."  
Nines was quiet for a few seconds, and Gavin looked over to make sure he hadn't somehow broken the machine with this question. His LED spun a calm yellow, but he looked fine otherwise.  
"I looked through the different dress styles available in stores near us. I cannot say I am fond of any of them." He frowned slightly, and the frown grew deeper with Gavin's response: "Hey, everyone can change, right?"

The crime scene was at an empty warehouse away from the busy parts of the city. Graffiti had been smeared over the metal walls, and the fog that laid over Detroit today wasn't making the place seem more inviting either.  
Gavin stepped inside, taking a look around.  
There were no signs of blood, at least not the red kind, but as the detective looked over at his partner, it seemed that there was the blue one. Much of it.  
"Your scanners locating anything I should know about?" He asked, not caring much about Nines' yellow LED that was spinning quickly.  
"There is thirium.. everywhere. Mainly in the middle," he walked further into the room, and Gavin followed, "Around here."  
Kind of odd. Because as Gavin looked to the right, there was an android laying against the wall. It was empty of thirium as the short report had told him, but it laid over there away from the leftover massacre that Nines was able to see.  
"Any tracks to suggest dragging?"  
"No. It must have been placed there. But..," they walked over to the dead GJ500, "there is not enough thirium, nor any trauma to suggest the loss of it."  
Gavin shrugged his shoulders: "Maybe the dealers were dumb enough to drop the bag of their loot and spread it over the floor."  
His partner shook his head. "It would have needed to be dropped from a significant height. And there are some empty spots in between, meaning that the blue blood had come from different sources and angles." Pretty handy to have this explained. Except it couldn't explain what exactly happened here.  
"Can you do that.. 'going back in time'-thing to see what had happened to it?"  
"Gavin," Nines started, but he interrupted him: "Detective. We're at work." "Detective Reed, could you please refrain from calling androids 'it'? We're not mere objects. And it's called reconstruction."  
Ah, this again. It was just a different word, so why bother?  
"Well, I don't know i- his name."  
"The victim's name is Gabriel. A surname hadn't been registered. He had been reported missing about two months ago."  
"Welp, we found him... a little worse for wear." Gavin really was on a roll today. His insensitivity was spiking; and it was fun to screw around with his partner a little, admittedly.

But instead of speaking up about it again, Nines inspected the room closer, eyes darting over the floor and walls at a high speed. Did it look like that when Connor did this "reconstruction" as well? It was a both weird, and impressive to look at.

Gavin walked over to an officer stationed here to make sure no one would enter and mess with any of the evidence, while his partner was busy.  
"So, who exactly called the police station?"  
"It was an anonymous call, and we couldn't trace the phone. They were quick to inform us about the location where they were hearing strange noises from."  
"Elaborate on strange. More like a sexual strange, or violent strange?"  
The guy stammered out, keeping his composure quite well for a rookie: "N-no! Not sexual. Violent, and... screaming. It must have been a larger crowd of people."  
"What about what they were screaming?"  
"Nothing one could make out, apparently. It was loud enough to be heard somewhat heard over the line."  
Gavin nodded, more to himself, as he took in the information.

He turned around again, and jumped when the freaky giant of an android stood right behind him. He needed to hang a bell around his neck. Haha, that would be hilarious!

"And, what did your scanners tell you?"  
"Nothing, they cannot speak." Oh, he was getting saucy on him now. Gavin couldn't say he didn't liked it. "But I did manage to find out that his thirium had been drained from him via some sort of equipment normally used by red ice dealers. As well as whoever had been here had to have left in a hurry. There were smudges and scratches on the floors that would hint to some tables that had stood there, and quickly been brought away outside."  
"Any fingerprints left behind?"  
"Unfortunately not. The suspects were very careful. Most likely used gloves. Maybe even hats or some other form of headgear, because I couldn't detect a single hair. And there was many suspects."  
"The more people, the more they are bound to make mistakes."

Gavin didn't feel satisfied leaving without any evidence, except for the shut-down android. Whatever they have stumbled upon was something **big** , and his inner detective couldn't wait to figure out what it was. His fingertips tingled with excitement. This group of people just started to make mistakes, but once one had been done, there would be more and more pieces left behind... until they caught them.

* * *

"Nines, could you finally stop bugging me? I am not going clothes shopping with you," Gavin growled annoyedly, sitting on the sofa while flipping faster through channels than he could actually get a good look at what was on. He knew that there wasn't anything that he enjoyed anyway, but messing with the remote calmed him.  
It was another day with different opportunities. Opportunities he wasn't interested in _in the slightest_. He was too busy keeping his mind empty with cable TV as he wasn't allowed to go to work on his day off.

"But I don't know what you would like me to wear. And you asked me to dress specifically in something casual." The android stalked in front of the television, able to get Gavin's attention. He crossed his arms in response to that. He was not going outside. If he already had to be lazy, then he would go all the way.  
"Then go on and buy some lingerie, and be done with it!"  
"I am certainly not going to do that!" Was that a blue taint building on his partner's face?  
Ava suddenly jumped on his lap, and the guy couldn't help but smile as she curled up. "Aww, look who's here! See, Nines, even Ava doesn't want me to go." He pet her head gently, not wanting to scare her off and leave him with zero arguments as to why he should stay home.

Nines shook his head and walked to the kitchen.  
"Well then. I will stay here, too."  
Gavin groaned. All he wanted was some alone time. Drink his coffee in peace, maybe have a couple cigarettes while just staring out the window.  
"And why that?" He called out.  
He watched as Nines placed some vegetables on the counter to cut them. His voice was disturbingly calm as he responded: "Because I cannot trust you enough yet, Gavin. Who knows what you'll do while I'm gone?"  
Gavin's heart stopped for a second, only to pick up its pace after that. Who did this guy think he was? Watching over him like he was some sort of toddler?! He needed a friend who trusted him, not a babysitter!  
"Woah, hold on _right there_! **I am okay** , I've been doing okay for the last week and a half. Why the phck- why do I even care?" He didn't want to argue about this.  
Gavin got up, holding his little princess in his arms, and was on his way to his bedroom, when the android spoke up again: "You are very talented at hiding your emotions, Gavin, even if it sounds like that doesn't make much sense to you. But you do that really well with yourself, and partly others. I'd rather hear you nagging because of my clothes, than come home to find you drunk, missing.. or worse." The noise of a knife against a board stopped, and the man looked up into Gavin's green eyes.

It made Gavin incredibly angry. What was 'it'? He didn't know. He just knew that whatever Nines was talking about so openly wasn't making him feel good. Ava must have noticed the growing tension between her two humans, and she jumped back onto the couch.  
Gavin tightened his fists as he walked over, the android meeting him halfway. He just stared down at him, probably enjoying the view he had on him. Fucking prick! He wasn't short by any means, but Nines was freakishly tall, and he really didn't like that in this situation.  
"Stop insulting me already! I'm not a small child that needs constant surveillance! I can look after myself!" Gavin argued, but Nines quickly shut that down: "You have repeatedly shown that you are incapable of exactly that. You tried to kill yourself before my eyes," Gavin didn't want to hear this, "you drank yourself into a rage that left you lying in shards of glass-"  
Gavin's eyes widened a little. He hadn't told Nines about this. And Tina surely hadn't either..It hadn't been Tina who had found him in the bathroom weeks ago. She didn't care that he had been forced to stay at home, making him feel more useless than he probably already was. It had been this machine's protocol that told it to not leave him alone!  
He felt like an idiot that he hadn't realised sooner. Who else was willing to help him, except if they had been forced?

Fuck.

"It was you! **You** broke into my apartment!" He had been played for a fool once again. Hot burning anger built in his chest, and he knew he would need to get rid of it.  
So he raised his fist, aiming a hard punch at the android before him; the one he blamed for his problems. Nines stepped aside.  
"Please, calm down, Gavin," he asked of him calmly. Oh so calmly. Something he wasn't feeling at all.   
" **Shut up!** " he yelled, trying to hit it again and again, before his wrist was grabbed in a firm hold. He struggled fiercely, trying to get his arm free again. "Don't tell me to calm down! I have a right to be angry, as much as I have a right to be alone! Who cares if I kill myself?! No one cares!" Nines was saying something, LED red, but the noise of blood rushing through his ears got louder the more he talked himself into a frenzy. "If it wasn't for you I could be happy now! I had tried to end my life before, and I'll _gladly do it agai-_ "

His head was pushed to the side suddenly, and whatever thoughts he had had in his head were gone; and replaced by a stinging pain in his cheek. His free hand came up to carefully touch the hurting spot. He was shaking. He didn't want to look away from the floor, didn't want to look at the man before him.  
Tears were already forming in the corners of his eyes, but refused to let them go. He wasn't going to cry like a little bitch only because he received one slap to the face. He would have done worse to his partner if he had let him. So he shouldn't be so weak to go down after one hit.

But the will to fight left him anyways, leaving him awfully empty. He felt betrayed, hurt. How could these emotions fill his entire body, and make him feel devoid of them all the same? His chest hurt, eyes burned, and head began to pound in a steady rhythm along with a heartbeat he despised to have.  
The tenseness in his arms got less, and Nines let go of him when he saw that Gavin planned to sit down on the floor. And that was what the detective did. He laid down on his side, arms coming up to hide his face, and curled up.  
A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder, and he thrashed around like he was having a fucking temper tantrum until the limb was gone again. He didn't care if he looked like a petulant child. Let everyone think what they want! He couldn't get up, and face reality yet. Nines had slapped him. And he was being a little bitch about it... he was upset. Defeated.

His refusal to being touched got done the job though, and he was left alone. Finally. It seemed that it took him feeling completely drained when everybody around him realised that he just wanted to be alone. Wasn't it obvious on its own? In the way he talked, and presented himself?  
He wanted to fade away, drown his thoughts in liquor as they got louder again after this week of them having been quiet.  
Was he not better yet? Why did it take so long?

The sound of cutting returned. Gavin focused his attention on the noise, ignoring the doubts that plagued his mind.  
 _He wasn't getting better._ _  
_ _It was all a sham.  
_ _Everything he did would_ _ultimately lead him back to the same damn conclusion: He was damned to a life of anger and sadness.  
He wanted __to..._

Hot tears ran down his face, but no sob escaped his constricted throat. It was getting hard to breathe.  
 _Why did Nines stay? There was no reward for him if he "helped" him._  
He felt as if the walls were coming closer, and he curled up tighter in his fetal position. Everything was coming down around him once more. He had felt like this before, but he could never get used to it. It just.. hurt too much. It hurt his entire body.  
Shame began to nag at his thoughts. He shouldn't have told Nines anything. He had failed to play pretend, make it seem like he got his shit together. But the words he had said had left him despite not wanting to let them be heard. It was like he was calling for something. A call for help, hidden behind an exterior of anger.

_"I noticed you make these weird jokes whenever you feel sad, Gavin."_   
_Tina was so observant. And she knew him well._   
_"It sounds like you don't actually want to die.. it sounds like you just want someone to help you, because you can't help yourself."_   
_He hadn't wanted to listen. Who actually wanted to listen to their fears? Being spoken out loud by someone else no less.  
"I don't want help, I just wanna..."_

"Gavin, lunch is ready." Nines' quiet tone brought him out of his daydream. He refused to move. Let himself starve to death for all he cared. He just wanted to lay here.  
But his partner had a different plan. When he felt firm hands on him this time, Gavin didn't struggle, but let himself get picked up, knees weak as he stood up shakily. His head hung low on the way to the couch. The soft cushions under him didn't feel comfortable. He preferred the hard, cold floor. It was what he deserved.   
He didn't deserve to have arms put around him, nor the gentle caresses on his back. This treatment was too humane for someone like him.

Why couldn't his heart just stop already? Please, make it stop.

"Come on, lay down," Nines instructed, and Gavin did as told with a little assistance. "Good, just like that."  
His head was placed on Nines' lap, but he didn't care much. The warmth from his legs was comforting. And even though androids couldn't have their own body odour, Gavin was able to smell something. It was probably just laundry detergent, but it calmed him.

It felt like hours passed when the broken man could speak up again.  
"You stayed."  
"I did. I promised you I would."  
"...thank you."  
Fingers ran through his hair. He should cut it soon, it was getting a little long.

But at the moment he didn't want to move. He wanted to lay here.

Take the care he was given, whether he was undeserving of it or not.

"Am I really going to get better?"  
"If you want to. You just have to let yourself be happy, Gavin. You have to _talk_ to me. I promise I won't tell anyone what you tell me."  
It sounded like a nice offer. Wasn't it? But everything in him screamed that it was a bad idea.  
Everything in him was also dumb enough to say that alcohol was a good idea, so.. who should he listen to?

While he contemplated on which side to trust on this, his own or Nines', sleepiness slowly overtook him. His slack arms moved on their own as they wrapped around the other's torso. He didn't want to be alone right now, regardless if he was awake or not.

He wanted to do better already. He wanted to stop the bitter beast in him that lashed out at anyone willing to be around him. The beast that wore his father's face, and sounded just like him.  
It was all his father's fault. Not his.

So why did he have to suffer so much?


	10. I'm not drunk! Can you tell the time? I'm not fuckin' drunk!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha, yeah. Just having SO much fun with his coworkers!  
> Too bad that what they're doing is out of ill will.
> 
> Then Anderson has to talk to him about something Gavin thought he had kept a secret pretty well.
> 
> All this shit followed up with a heavy talk. Of course he's tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't drink, children. It's bad for your health.
> 
> Unless it's water. Then do drink.  
> Keep hydrated.

This case was really a though nut to crack.  
Turned out that it wasn't as easy as Gavin initially thought to differentiate between the missing-android-files that could have something to do with this red-ice gang, and those who vanished due to other circumstances. Missing androids were both representing females and males, their models had all kinds of purposes - or rather used to - and there was no link between them. Rarely any android knew the other. And after nine days, the group of gangsters still haven't made a mistake, unlike he had hoped they would.  
So maybe they would have to go find someone who knew the victim, Gabriel. Maybe some shady business with other people?

"I found someone who might have seen Gabriel last before he was reported missing," Nines managed to pull Gavin's eyes away from the terminal's screen.  
"And? Where are they?" He asked moodily, but Nines didn't mind. The detective wasn't having a good day, but what else was new? Had a fucking nightmare tonight. Followed by a nightmare in a nightmare. Nightmare-ception, so to speak. Nines had woken him up, and he nearly had had a heart attack when seeing the red circle blinking rapidly before him. His partner had urged him to talk about it, but he refused. But of course the other would just not give up, and he just wanted to have his morning coffee, so he compromised and told him he would tell him "all-fucking-about it" once they were home after work. Nines disagreed, saying that it would only cause him to forget the important details of his dream, but Gavin didn't care enough at 5 AM.  
Neither did he care to leave for a break to "grab some lunch" for four days in a row, when in actuality he went to the supermarket and bought himself vodka when the secret stash in his car was all used up, filling it into an empty bottle he had in his vehicle. He kept it mostly hidden from the RK900's view, not wanting him to analyse the contents and make a scene that just wasn't necessary. He just needed to relax from time to time with all the shit going on; and it wasn't just the case, and not even only his private life with Nines' careful prying into his subconscious. His coworkers talked louder and louder behind his back with the complete intention to let him hear it.  
 _Asshole._  
 _Abusive._  
 _How can Richard even stand working with him?_  
And Hank and his plastic pet were also getting on his nerves with their occasional worried glances directed at him. It was just too much attention, both "positive" and negative. Why wasn't Fowler doing anything? But why should he care? He could tell everyone to fuck off if he wanted to. But he **didn't care**. So he kept quiet.  
When asked why he hadn't gotten any lunch today, either, when returning to the station, he claimed to have eaten it in his car. You know, like a liar.

"They're in a wealthier part in Detroit. Apparently some sort of flat share with three other androids." Gavin was beginning to feel gratitude for Nines being able to work so fast - maybe it was just the alcohol speaking though. It felt like slowly, but surely they were becoming a team. And if that pleasant feeling of teamwork was only there while he drank, then he certainly wasn't going to stop.  
"Then we'll go there," Gavin decided, downing the rest of the lukewarm coffee, the plastic bottle still safe in the inner pocket of his favourite jacket when he felt for it casually. He looked for his car keys, finding them laying on top of an envelope. The detective took it hesitantly. There was no name on it.  
"Did you put this here, Nines?"  
The android looked up, and shook his head. "No. And I also didn't see who put it there."  
Whoever had placed it here must have done so while he was using the restroom, and while his partner was chatting with the Lieutenant, and his brother. It couldn't be dangerous, as mail was checked before getting here.

So, as curious as he was, he opened it. A heap of pink glitter flew out, and he closed his eyes quickly to avoid getting any in his eyes as this shit showered his hair, face and shoulders.  
Laughter could be heard from across the precinct, and Gavin looked up with a furios expression on his face. Oh, this was just fucking perfect. His angel-like peers had played a damn prank on him, and he was so fucking dumb to fall for it, too! He should have seen this coming.  
He shot up from his chair, hand grasping the envelope tightly and screamed: " **Okay, who the phck was that?!** " The culprit didn't answer, but at this point it didn't matter. He blamed all of them.  
Gavin ripped the paper in two, throwing it on the floor that was now caked with the glitter as well. He would now probably have to show up at these androids' door with all this shit on him! God- _fucking_ -damnit!

"Are you oka-" Nines placed a comforting hand on his arm, but he pushed him away. He did not need comfort! That's what these assholes wanted to see, didn't they? Wanted to see him cry like a fucking bitch, and call for help from his personal toaster.  
"Leave me alone!" he growled, and tramped towards the restrooms. This was so embarrassing. Heat flushed his face, and made him even angrier.

He washed his hands, wiped his jacket off vigorously, and attempted to shake off the glitter from his hair, but not everything came off. He wanted to kick the fucking wall, but knew that he would probably manage to sprain or break something, so he decided against it. For now. At least he had shaved this morning, so barely any glitter was stuck directly on his face.  
The frustration was pulling on his tear ducts. He wasn't even sad. But this was just too much after a morning like this. He couldn't even feel safe here at his workplace.  
Fowler surely didn't give a shit about a _simple_ _prank_. If Gavin had been the one to prank someone though, then he would get a note in his file. It wasn't fair!

The door to the men's restroom opened, and when looking up into the mirror he saw who it was.  
"What do you want?"  
"Nothing. Just making sure you're not plotting against the others. It was just a joke after all," Hank replied casually, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.  
"Hahaha, I'm laughing so hard I think I might finally die!" Gavin grunted, continuing to rub over his neck. The spot was beginning to get irritated, but he didn't care. This shit needed to come off before he visited their possible lead. And the slight burning on his skin was actually helping him calm down a little.  
Hank sighed: "Didn't say it was a good one."  
"Did you know of this?"  
"Nope. And neither did Connor, so don't even think about blaming us."  
"Too bad. Already did. Now leave me alone, would you?"

Why wasn't this shit coming off?! He looked like some unicorn farted on him, and he felt just as pissed about it.  
"No, I won't. Not until you heard what I have to say."  
Gavin really wasn't up for these games, and listening was pretty complicated when all you wanted to do was continuously bang your head against the tiles. But if that would make the man next to him go away, then why the fuck not?  
"Shoot."  
"I noticed Nines and you were working pretty well together for the past days." Okay, just a comment. Gavin could handle that. "I also noticed the bottle of water you carry everywhere with you in your jacket."

His body halted his movements for a moment, before he forced himself to carry on with his shower in the sink. The detective knew how observant the other was, but there was hope that he hadn't seen the non-verbal confirmation.  
"Yeah, I drink water, so what?"  
Hank shook his head: "Don't pretend to not know what I'm talking about. I'm an alcoholic, you dumbass. Of course I'll see what's going on. It's a fucking miracle Nines hasn't found out yet, actually, with the way you stink up the place!"  
"Shut your mouth, asshole! Don't phcking test me!"  
"You probably still drive in that condition, endangering both yourself and your partner!"  
Gavin put his hand over his heart. He was so fucking furious it hurt. His other hand rested on the edge of the sink, keeping him upright.

With the truth about his lack of care for himself, and the only person that seemed to still give a shit about him, he couldn't even bring himself to look into the mirror before him. He could already see in his mind's eye that his eyes were red, the corners of his mouth turned into a scowl that was directed at him, and him alone.  
He was an idiot. He knew that already. But he wasn't only a self-harming idiot, but also one that could potentially harm someone he couldn't admit he enjoyed the company of. Nines didn't deserve to get into a car crash only because he wanted to forget his problems for just _one minute_.

"Don't tell him," he mumbled, shoulders slowly sagging, and both hands coming to grip the porcelain. "Please."  
He heard Anderson let out a sigh. The shuffling of clothes. Then a heavy hand came to rest on his shoulder. He didn't push it away.  
"Just make sure that whatever you're fighting with doesn't get the upper hand. You can't lose yourself at such a young age already, Gavin." He nodded weakly, head hanging low in shame.  
"And at least let Nines drive if you have to indulge in alcohol at work."  
With that the lieutenant walked away, leaving him to stand alone in the room.

Gavin pushed himself away from the sink, tired legs stumbling to one of the stalls, and locked himself in.  
Nines could wait a little longer. He needed a break.  
He sat down on the closed toilet lid and opened his jacket, hand resting on the bottle inside. He hesitated, unsure of his next action. He didn't want to get drunk - and he wouldn't, really. He was just going to get tipsy at most. But it would still slow his reflexes and thoughts down. Whatever. He didn't need either with where they were going anyways. Especially not if he let Nines drive.  
With shaking fingers, he pulled out his clear vice. The cap was off a second later, and he took a couple sips. He disliked the taste of vodka, and after days of drinking it sporadically, it just wouldn't taste better. But the main concern was hiding it, and for that vodka was his best option. It didn't smell too strong if closed quickly, and a cigarette could chase away the smell from his mouth.

He put in his earphones, and turned the volume up loud enough so he wouldn't hear anything or anyone.  
It didn't prevent him from seeing though. A shadow loomed before the stall. He just put the bottle away again, and waited. When the song that was playing ended, he heard the knocking clearer. He was sure that whoever was there had knocked already, but Gavin had decided to ignore it. When the bangs on the door got heavier though, he had enough and got up, and swung the door open.  
"What?!"  
Nines, of fucking course Nines, stood before him, looking down at him with a worried expression. Had he always looked so..emotive? Not that Gavin would pay much mind to that, because he was an egoistic bastard who didn't care what others around him did.  
"I just wanted to check up on you, and make sure you're feeling alright." He felt peachy.  
"I'm just fine and dandy. I come to realise that the pink glitter really brings out my eyes," he pushed past him to the sink in one last desperate attempt to get some of it off his hands.  
Nines smiled at him. "It does." Gavin looked away again. How could he be angry with someone that sounded so genuine when complementing him, whether it be a joke or not?

"Alright, I think that's the best I'll get this shit off," the anger gradually dissipated the more he concentrated on the floaty sensation overtaking his thoughts. "Let's get going."

Nines was glad that Gavin had managed to calm down on his own, and maybe with the help of Lieutenant Anderson. He looked more relaxed. Of course he could scan the man and his heart rate to get a more accurate reading, but Gavin had shown his distaste for that more than enough. And he didn't want to lie to his partner in case he did require the amount of total scans over the span of the past days. So he had decided to just analyse external clues.

For four days, Gavin and him had been a team. Not just officially, but.. it was still odd for Nines to explain it to himself or Connor whenever his brother asked. It was as if they had some sort of bond between them, that at times let them know what the other was thinking and going to ask or say.  
Gavin was a smart man, of course he could at times predict his thoughts. But this was less about intelligence, and more about acceptance. The detective was slowly warming up to his presence, and Nines couldn't be happier about that.

What was unfortunate, was that his coworkers had decided to prank him, along with their silent bullying. Gavin often pretended to not care how people saw him. But so much evidence spoke against that. The android would have loved to tell them all how wrong they were about this man, but even if he was a respected member of the DPD, he was still "biased" in their eyes. He lived with Gavin, and talked with him, that was true. Just as it was true that he was the first person to feel a connection to. Ever since having been activated, Gavin was the person he had spent most of his time with.

As a light before them turned red, Nines halted the car smoothly. His eyes wandered over to Gavin, who was looking out the window with little interest. It looked like he was still sulking a little after all. But it was still a betterment from his depressive state.  
The android gently put his hand around the other's wrist, holding it in a reassuring grip. There first was a slight jerking motion, but in the end Gavin let his hand rest there until the street light turned green again.

It was progress.

Nines pressed the bell for exact two seconds, waiting with a straight back for someone to answer the door. Gavin stood behind him, hands in his jacket's pockets. He appeared rather disinterested, and that was odd for a workaholic like him. Maybe the occurrence back at the station had lowered his mood drastically enough to just want to go home; instead of doing work with the same vigour as usual.  
Footsteps could be heard from inside, and an AC700 opened the door shortly after.  
"Good day to you, Mr. Daniel Anthony. My name is Richard, and this is my partner Gavin Reed. We're from the Detroit Police Department."  
The man looked worried now. "Did something happen? Is.. is everything okay? Vanessa didn't get in any trouble, did she?"  
A female voice yelled from inside the house: "Why is it that I am the first to be suspected?" An ST300 stepped next to Daniel.  
"Oh, hello. Can we help you?"  
Nines nodded. He would have smiled as a nice gesture, but what he was about to tell them wouldn't spark any joy, and he couldn't bring himself to look in the slightest happy either. "Yes, you can. We have some questions about Gabriel. He was the android that lived here with you, wasn't he?"  
"You know where he is?" Vanessa asked, eyes wide.  
"I think it would be best for you to sit down," he suggested. Vanessa looked down, most likely fearing the worst; and she wouldn't be wrong.  
"Alright. Please, come in," the man offered, and stepped aside to let the two of them in.

It looked homey inside. Personal items laid strewn about; books, workout equipment and even a couple of shirts. It didn't look like it was disorderly though. These things had their place here, and their purpose. When he had stepped into Gavin's apartment, with all the chaos and remains of unwashed clothes and few dirty dishes, nothing really felt personal. His partner treated his home like a short stop to rest, but never settling to enjoy it. While overhearing their peers at the precinct, he had found out a few things about Gavin that he presumed were true. Like the man spending a night there to quickly get back to a case.

They were led to the living room, and offered to sit on the couch, while the other two sat across on the armchair together. They had the same surname. Most likely a couple, if not more if the laws were finally passed.  
"I'm very sorry to tell you that Gabriel was already dead when we found him," Nines began, and paused for a moment to let the news sink in. "We suspect he fell victim to a new red ice group."  
They were quiet for a while, so Nines looked over to Gavin to see why his partner was still so..inactive. He looked calm, but he saw something in his eyes while the man watched the two grieving androids before him, holding hands and hugging each other.  
Vanessa was the first to speak up: "And what would you like to ask us?"  
"Did anything out of the ordinary happen before Gabriel had gone missing? Where had he gone?"  
Daniel answered: "We were out at a club near Bagley St. I didn't notice much, as there were many people inside." He looked down as if it would enhance his ability to recall the evening better. "But.. there were some men and women dressed similarly that just looked out of place. They didn't do anything though."  
"Could you elaborate on 'out of place'? What did they look like? What clothes did they wear?"  
Daniel was silent for a few moments, then held out his arm, retracting the synthetic skin. "It would be best to show you."  
Nines nodded hesitantly. He had heard that interfacing became more of something private, so he was surprised to see Mr. Anthony willingly offer to do so. But he accepted, motivated with the thought to find out who had kidnapped and killed these two androids' friend - and who else possibly. He was also nervous, because it was his first time interfacing with anyone. Even Connor and him hadn't done this before.  
He removed the skin on his arm as well, and held onto the other's arm.

_Daniel was at a club both accessible for androids and humans. Vanessa and Gabriel were next to him, laughing and talking. The AC700 looked over to a corner a few times, giving Nines a good look at the people there. They were dressed similarly, indeed. All wore sweatshirts, different colours for men and women. Jeans were all long, most likely due to the cold temperatures at that time. They sat on sofas. What was odd, was that they barely talked whenever Daniel had looked over. They sat there quietly, watching the other patrons dance or drink._

The interface was ended slowly, and Nines had enough time to compose himself as he pulled away fully, hands coming together to let the fingers intertwine.  
"And how did Gabriel disappear?"  
Vanessa wrapped her arms around her boyfriend as he began to cry. "It is my fault. I shouldn't have let him go outside alone."  
"Danny, it's not your fault, I told you that! How should you have known?" So Gabriel had exited the club for a while and hadn't come back.  
For the first time Gavin spoke up next to him: "It's not your fault, Mr. Anthony. If someone's to blame, then those people who took him away. And I promise you, we'll find them."  
The android didn't look less sad, but at least the guilt in his eyes vanished a little.  
"Okay.. thank you for investigating on this. May his spirit rest with rA9 once the culprit's have been caught."

"Are you feeling alright, Gavin?" Nines knew the man didn't appreciate this particular question very much, but it had to be asked. "I know what happened at the station shook you up a little, but you had been very quiet."  
Gavin looked out the car window with the same disinterest as before. One hand came up to rub at his eyes and he mumbled: "I'm just tired."  
Nines felt like his partner was going to speak up again, so he waited patiently, eyes focused on the road before them.  
"It is nice to see that androids can find love in a place like this." 'In a place like this' could equal many things. Like that part of town they were driving away from. Detroit itself with all the violence. Nines was sure it just meant the world as a whole.  
"It is nice indeed. Love appears to lighten the worries one has."  
Gavin chuckled, and that turned to suppressed laughter. It didn't sound the least happy. "Love can just as much destroy you. Be it platonic or romantic."  
Nines wondered what happened to Gavin that he thought like that. Sure, love towards the wrong kind of people could destroy someone. He had read many articles about the emotion, as he found that he showed symptoms of it. He displayed extreme worry for Gavin whenever he was crying or just feeling down. His thirium pump would stutter when he saw his partner stumble out of his bedroom sleep-drunken and in search for a caffeine fix. He wanted to help him no matter how much he was pushed away or insulted with derogatory words.

Nines parked the car on a lot next to the road.  
"Would you like to talk about the nightmare you had, Gavin?"  
The other sighed and leaned over to turn on the radio.

"It wasn't too bad. Just a nightmare-ception." Nines rose an eyebrow, unsure of the meaning of this word. "I basically had a dream, in a dream."  
"Sounds... confusing. What happened that caused you such distress?"  
Gavin scratched his arm nervously, the other hand placed over a bump in his jacket.  
"I was just.. standing in the first dream. And you and Tina were there. And Hank, Connor and Fowler. You all didn't see me when I called out. I was getting scared, because I couldn't move and you just walked away." The man stared ahead at the grey clouds in the sky.  
"When I was all alone I tried to think reasonable and realised that I was most likely dreaming. So I woke up.. I thought. When I 'woke up', I was laying in my bed in my bedroom. Everything just-" his hands gripped the object in his breast pocket tighter, "looked so safe, but then my father came into the room slowly. He just stood there when he suddenly creeped over and I tried to scream, but I couldn't!" Tears formed in his eyes and he wiped them away quickly, leaning forward to prevent his partner from seeing the emotional display. "It's dumb to cry about it. My father isn't here, and it was just a dumb nightmare."

Nines placed his hand on Gavin's back. So, many of his emotional problems could stem from something that had happened with his father.  
"It's okay to cry, Gavin. You know I won't tell anyone about this. Just let it out." Nines removed the seatbelt for the other, and adjusted the seat to lean back more to make Gavin feel more comfortable. He kept leaning forward, hiding his face as he sobbed.  
"What did your father do that you're so.. scared of him?" He asked carefully. He was treading on thin ice, but luckily the other responded and didn't mind his prying. Progress.  
"He was just a narcissistic asshole. He never hit me, but whatever he said to me hurt just as much. Once my mother was gone, and I lived alone with my father, he started becoming more verbally abusive. He made sure to let me know that my opinions weren't validated, that I was keeping in line with all his requirements of being a 'good son'. One time I spoke up and said that I suspected I suffered from depression, and.. he just brought someone over who 'really' had it..." A heavy sob wracked his body, and hands came up to grip at his hair, pulling. " _J-just to show me that I couldn't have it!_ "

For Gavin it felt like it had just happened a few days ago. He remembered the scene vividly. How he entered the living room, a skinny man - a friend of his father - sitting on the couch and conversing with him about something he couldn't pay attention to even if he wanted.

 _"Gavin, come over here for a second," his father urged him, and he stepped closer hesitantly. "This is Fred. He has depression." It was an odd way of introducing anyone, and the man looked highly uncomfortable. That's why Gavin, just at 13 years old, was convinced that his father was trying to tell him something. The boy took a look at him, and held out his hand as a polite gesture. It was taken in a shaky and light grip. There were dark rings under his eyes, and he was pale. His hair was thin, and he smelled like he hadn't showered in a little while. Maybe it was Gavin's own odour.  
_ _He felt sickened by this situation, and he just wanted to hide in his room. His father was acting like a fool, desperately trying to prove a point to a **teenager** ; his own son no less._

"Gavin," Nines mumbled, "your struggles and opinions are valid. They are to Tina, and me. And surely others as well. And it doesn't matter if your father still thinks the way he used to, because he is not here."  
As arms were about to come around him, Gavin shied away, pressing his body against the door.  
"It's not that simple, Nines. It's never that simple." He felt drained, but there was more to say. So much more. "I was raised this way. This thinking pattern lives within me." He pulled at his hair. The man looked down at his lap, seeing a few spots of pink from the glitter on his pants. "I feel like part of my father lives within me. I'm scared that I am _becoming_ him!" How much he wanted to take a drink from his bottle right now, but that would be a dumb move with Nines right next to him.  
"Unable to feel compassion for anyone, being just a mean, old **fucking bastard**!"

Fingers ran through his hair, prompting him to lessen the firm grip of his hands. It took a few seconds, but the longer he focused on the pleasant touches the more his fingers uncurled, until he eventually relaxed completely.  
Gavin closed his eyes and leaned back.  
"You are nothing like him, Gavin. I know you want to get better, even if it's hard. You proved to me a few times already that you're capable of betterment." Oh, if he only knew what he was carrying around with him at all times. One problem may disappear, only for the next to take its spot. "I appreciate the trust you put in me until now, and talked to me as I asked of you. I understand it isn't comfortable, but it's needed."

"..Nines?"  
"Yes?"  
"Could you... lay down as well?" The fingers in his hair vanished, and he missed their warmth.  
He heard the seat next to him make a few cracking sounds, and he opened his eyes to see his partner laying next to him. Just as he had asked.

He looked up at the car's roof, wiping the drying tears away. They just laid next to each other for minutes, listening to the raindrops that had started falling, hit the windows and roof. A hand came into his view, open-palmed and inviting.  
Gavin placed his own in Nines', intertwining their fingers in a gentle grip.

* * *

More days passed, more bottles were emptied.  
Gavin felt better. He could even bring himself to smile at the latest prank of all his office utensils having been put into jello. Even the whoopee cushion before had sparked laughter within him. He felt oddly amused by all of it.  
Why was he always the only one laughing though? Hank and Connor just looked over with worried expressions on their faces, and his coworkers, who were responsible for all his happiness at his workplace, didn't laugh at him anymore.  
Whatever. He was having the time of his life!

Wilson walked over to his desk, a gentle smile on his face.  
He placed the coffee down, and Gavin looked up from his terminal.  
"I thought I'd bring you a coffee."  
Gavin smiled back. "Thank you, Wilson. You were always a nice talking partner during breaks, y'know? Don't think I've told you yet, but I appreciate it."  
The man looked at him with suspicion. Gavin knew of the precinct's latest idea to prank him. But he didn't care.  
"Did you put sugar in it, too? I hope it's the newest brand the department has bought recently. The salty kind."  
Wilson realised that the detective had already figured out what was in the cup, and his eyes widened. He waited rigidly for Gavin to become angry, but to everyone's - yeah, many were watching, waiting - surprise, Gavin grabbed the cup and drank a few gulps. "Thank you."  
"I.. uh, sure." With that he walked off again.

Nines chimed in: "You know there is salt in it. It can't taste great, so why are you drinking it?"  
"Honestly, it doesn't taste as bad as I thought. And if it'll make the others happy to see me disgusted, annoyed or whatnot, then why not grant their wish?" Gavin placed his feet on the tabletop, leaning back in his chair while continuing to drink the ruined caffeinated drink.

His phone buzzed in his jeans' pocket, and he pulled it out to see a message from an unknown number. Still, the content let him guess who had just sent him a text.

"I'm worried, Gavin.  
I know you look calm and happy on the outside,  
but I feel like you're hiding something from  
me again."  
sent, 4:56 PM

"Don't worry. I'm okay.  
Isn't it funny what they're trying to do   
to get me down?"  
sent, 4:56 PM

"I don't believe that you're as apathetic about  
this as you give yourself.  
This cannot really make you happy.  
You should tell them to stop, or at   
least report to Fowler."  
sent, 4:57 PM

Gavin looked over his desk at Nines, who was peacefully resting his hand on the computer screen as if they weren't currently texting each other.

"Nah  
It'll go away soon."  
sent, 4:59 PM

"Wake me up in 10, okay?" Gavin ordered, closing his eyes to take a little nap.  
He had been feeling sluggish lately, so what else could help better than some light slumber?

Gavin had fallen asleep pretty fast, and found himself standing at a beach. The sand underneath him was dry.  
Everything, even the air around him felt just dry and uncomfortable.  
He stepped towards the water, towards the person standing there knees-deep in the purple ocean.  
The sun's rays on him felt icy, and he put his arms around himself to warm up.  
Gavin called out to Nines, but the burning and scratching in his throat stopped him. He coughed, almost violently. The wind was cold. The temperature around him didn't help. The hacking just wouldn't stop.  
"Ni-" he tried again and again to call out to the man, but he just stared at him from the distance. It felt like hours passed, and the muscles in his throat were beginning to cramp. Fuck, was he going to puke?

"Gavin."  
He looked up, and Nines was suddenly in front of him.  
"Nin-" For fuck's sake! Could he stop coughing already? It was hard to breathe like this.

"Gavin, wake up!" Nines shook his partner awake, kneeling before him to not scare him like last time he was having a bad dream. He knew getting pulled out of sleep like this wasn't comfortable, nor recommended when the person sleeping was having a nightmare. But Gavin just wouldn't stop hacking and trying to call his name, and he desperately wanted to help him.  
His LED spun from red to little pulses of yellow, watching as the man finally opened his eyes.  
Hank and Connor were standing behind the anxious android, the lieutenant holding a bottle with water in his hand.  
Disoriented eyes scanned their surroundings, an arm coming up to cover his mouth as he continued to cough.  
Nines took the bottle and held it out to his friend, who took it and chugged some of its contents down.

"What's goin' on?" he wheezed.  
Hank grunted: "That's what we'd like to know."  
Gavin was taking shaky, deep breaths. His heart rate was high, but his blood pressure dangerously low.  
"Need to take a piss," was what he answered, but before the detective could stand up, Nines held him in place. "I wouldn't recommend you standing up already. You might pass out."  
To his surprise, Gavin complied.  
"Alright, I'll stay here. But not if those two keep gawking at me. If you want answers to me hacking my own lungs out, then I can't help you." His voice was raspy.  
"You might be getting sick. It is recommended you stay at home so others in the precinct aren't at risk to fall ill as well," Connor advised, and Nines agreed with his brother. Gavin looked sickly. Near white, cold and dry skin. Chapped lips and irritated retinas. The latter could have been caused by the coughing, but there had been no tears. His eyes were dry.

Their concerned coworkers returned to their desks though and left Gavin to calm down a little.

"How are you feeling?"  
"Lil' nauseous. And I think I'm gettin' a headache. But we'll take care of that later when we're home. I can still push through until 6 PM." Nines couldn't disagree more.  
"If you're feeling sick, you should go home now and rest."  
"No, it's fine. Just boring desk work, okay? I can handle that," he argued. Nines knew that Gavin was stubborn, even when it came to his health.. okay, especially when it came to his health. But he couldn't just sit by idly and wait until his friend really was going to pass out in the middle of the precinct. Gavin would not enjoy waking up with more faces surrounding him than just now.  
Nines scanned the faces around the room. Some people were still watching, with a guilty expression on their face. Good. That would hopefully stop the bullying. He was getting sick and tired of their coworkers' behaviour. He would report it to Captain Fowler with the next so-called "prank".  
"I do not doubt your ability to complete your work, Gavin. I am merely pointing out that the sooner we leave, the less attention you might receive. My scanners indicate a rising probability of you passing out inside the building for all to see the longer you sit here pretending you're okay."

Damn this android. Gavin knew he was right, but he really didn't want to see it. He wanted to work, and not go home because he was so fucking weak he couldn't even handle some light coughs.  
Laying down on his bed did sound pretty good though, and it sounded better when he remembered the boon stored in his jacket, and under his bed.  
"Al-phcking-right then. I'll go home," Gavin finally groaned and grabbed his car keys, holding them out to Nines. "You stay here though. Get some more work done. I'll take a taxi."  
His partner looked unsure, but ultimately took the offered keys. "I better find you at home when I get there. I'll also report to Captain Fowler that you're sick."  
"Whatever," Gavin mumbled and carefully got up. Black spots formed in his vision, but he shook out his arms and legs to get some feeling back in the numb limbs. It helped somewhat.

"I'll see you later then," Gavin squeezed the other's arm, smiling up at him to show 'hey, look. I'm happy and okay'. "Get some rest, Gavin."  
The frown on Nines' face didn't disappear, and he felt guilty to have put it there in the first place.  
He couldn't look at his concerned face for much longer, so he turned around and left, the searing gazes of people around him burning holes into his back.


	11. NOT A CHAPTER! PERSONAL RANT.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am really angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fucking shaking, lmao.

So, I will start of with thanking those who actually are reading this right now.

Thank you. How are you doing? I hope you're having a good day.

As the title suggests, this is not a chapter in this book, but as I lack the friends or ears, I will let my anger out here, since Gavin and I are slowly developing the same anger issues. Just peachy.

I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW!

I don't care about math. I don't fucking hate it, nor do I love it - unless I actually understand it like everyone else around me appears to.

I am supposed to do homework of which I know is just the fucking beginning of the new topic. Which means it's supposed to be FUCKING EASY. But no.

I failed miserably, even AFTER LOOKING THE SHITTY SOLUTION UP ON THE INTERNET.

How can one fuck it up so badly? I don't know how, but who managed to anyways?  
Of course I know the person. He's me.

I know my life will be spent working at McDonald's, and I accepted that, but at least wanted to be able to show my boss: I know how to fucking count change, dude, what's up?

Welp, I won't be able to do that now, will I?

I just wanna fucking eat junk food and have a food coma afterwards.

Guess who ate like a rhino and is still awake and raging?

  1. me
  2. me
  3. me



Even fucking rage eating didn't fucking help! (Don't do that. It's not healthy.)

So what did I do next?

Change into some sweatpants.

-3 rage

Good. Now only 97 more to go. Oh, did I count that in my head? Yes, I did. Guess I am not as bad in counting as I thought.

Still terrible enough to limp behind everyone else though.

I am so fucked. These were the BEGINNER exercises. FUCKING BEGINNER. What's next? Advanced? Well, yes. But actually, yes. O kurwa. Just.. no.

GOD HATES ME.  
Not that it matters too much when you're an atheist, but hey! Let's blame my inability to use my brain on someone. That bastard sure as hell ain't me.

So, this was it. I am done for now.  
I might do another rant in this book to get my anger out somehow, because there really isn't anyone else I can tell.

Thanks again for reading!  
You get my best wishes to succeed in your problem-subjects, so you won't rage-quit like me. I don't wish that on anyone.  
Anger does not feel good. It eats you up on the inside.

Put on a face mask, eat a banana. Have some water.

Stay healthy, guys.

\- shurb, out!


	12. I'm going to Kermit suicide.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "God, I am an atheist. But so much shit happens in my life, it can only be the fault of some higher being. If I already have to go so soon, then please let Nines be happy once I'm gone."  
> \- Gavin, 2039

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you so much for the kudos and comments. I love them all so much. We also reached 1000 views!!!  
> Good job, guys! Thank you!
> 
> Also:  
> Sad harmonica noises for Gavin.

Gavin stood before the open living room window, staring down at the street while resting his elbows on the sill. Loud music blasted through the speakers, but he didn't give a shit if his neighbours had any complaints. In this complex no one gave a shit what the other did, and he needed to listen to some childhood favourites right now. Why? He had no fucking clue.  
People under colourful umbrellas, and cars were passing, all of them probably happy to get off work and home to their families, and loved ones.  
Both androids and humans were able to fall in love, to build lasting relationships. That's what he had seen with Daniel and Vanessa. How confidently she just sat on his lap when sharing the small armchair.  
Could he have something like this one day?  
He wouldn't admit that the sight had been a little painful, when he himself craved for something he also denied his body in the same breath.

He emptied the few sips left in the plastic bottle. Odd, how the numbing buzz was getting weaker and weaker, despite him drinking more in response. God really just wanted to see him suffer. But that was okay. It wasn't anything new.

Thoughts drifted to Nines.  
How he had hugged him that night after the bar.  
Their hands intertwined in the car.  
His blue eyes just watching him do the simplest things, and looking away when he caught him doing so.

A smile crept onto Gavin's face, imagining a life that would be spent with someone to come home to. Someone to have around when he felt down... and it hit him that Nines was doing that already. Had he just refused to see this while completely sober? Was he just pushing him away as he was doing with everyone else, and only able to let anyone close while drinking?  
Nines had promised him to be there, even when he was having another tantrum, and he had kept his word. He had kept his word and showed him that his father was wrong: Not everyone was going to leave. Not everyone hated him.  
It was so much easier to trust when the daze settled around his mind.

Another violent cough ripped through his throat, and he wiped the drops of saliva off his chin. Something caught his eye and he looked at his hand.  
Should he be concerned? He couldn't get himself to mind the streaks of red against his stark white skin. Not on the outside. But Gavin was scared deep down. He thought he finally had a chance to get better, even if it was with bad life choices, and now God decided this was it.

Gavin looked up at the cloudy sky, and smirked.  
"Go fuck yourself, God. I'm done with your shit." If that man really existed, he wouldn't listen anyway, but it let Gavin feel better to blame someone else for his problems.  
Might as well have fun before he went out with a grandiose boom.

The man walked to his bedroom and sat at his desk, pulling out a pen and paper.  
He just had scribbled the title when his little princess paid him a visit, jumping on his lap and curling up to tell him: "Give me attention, dad. I require pets. Lots of them."  
"Aww, look at you! Knowing daddy is busy, and still demanding his attention." He wouldn't say no to her. Couldn't, even if he wanted to make the list and hide it before Nines came home.  
Home.. maybe he should get some more things for not only himself, but his partner as well. Some more entertaining books? Maybe a computer for video games? Oh man, when had been the last time he had played one of these addicting things?  
He pet Ava while also getting to work.

**Bucket List**

\- buy gaming station

\- go clothes shopping with Nines

\- go to hair dresser

\- meet up with Tina

\- call Eli

\- finish the last case

Maybe he would add more. But for now that were things he needed to do before he kicked the bucket.  
As luck would have it, his phone began to ring. And he picked up.

"Hey, Eli. What can I do for you," Gavin greeted happily.  
"Good evening, Gavin. You sound rather excited. Did something happen?" His brother was always so concerned about him. Even while he had lived with his father, and his half-brother had gone to live with his mother. They used to text often over the phone. One day it had gotten less and less, until Gavin had decided to cut most contact with him.  
"Oh, nothing much. It's.. it's just nice to have someone live with me. Thanks for basically having built Richard just for that."  
The other side was silent for a moment. Then: "He was allowed to stay or go on his own will, little brother. You will have to thank him, too." He would.  
"Is there a reason you called?"  
"I wanted to know how you're doing. I'm a little surprised you even picked up. So I guess you must be doing better."  
"I am."  
Silence followed. Gavin honestly had nothing to talk about, and due to the two of them not having done anything together in a long time, Elijah was struggling as well.  
"You didn't fall back into.. you know, uh-"  
"No," Gavin answered, "I've been getting my life back under control, just like all my friends hoped I would. And I really appreciate it. Y'know what? We should meet up again when I got some time off. Maybe go swimming, or to the cinema. Just like we used to."  
He heard his brother chuckle: "I almost can't recognise you. Richard strikes me as the best influence in your life yet." _Or my impending death._

A knock on the door interrupted his response, and he quickly said: "We'll text each other, Eli. Gotta go for now."  
He ended the call and stumbled to the door, calling out for the person to state who they were.  
"It's Tina."  
Gavin wasn't sure if God was trying to fuck with him on purpose or not. He made his list, and all of a sudden the opportunities showed up all around him. And he would take each one.  
He checked his appearance in the phone's camera, wiping the little red off the corner of his mouth, and opened the door.

His friend opened her mouth to say something, a saddened expression on her face, but it turned into one of shock when Gavin stepped forward to hug her.  
"G-Gavin! Watch out, you'll make me drop our dinner," she laughed, wrapping one arm around him.  
"Sorry. I'm just happy that you're not gone after what I did at the bar.. and the following week at the phone," he looked down, hands stuffed in his pants' pockets. "I'm really sorry for having been a giant asshole. Can you forgive me?"  
Tina shook her head, a smug smile tugging on her lips. "Of course, dummy. We've had our share of fights. That's what best friends do at times. The important thing is that we forgive each other." She lifted the plastic bag that smelled suspiciously of Chinese fast food. "So I brought an appeasement gift."

Nines came home to the sound of laughter and gunshots. Rather contradicting. But considering that the gunshots were accompanied with music, he supposed it was only the TV.  
He had gone grocery shopping to pick up some cough syrup and other medication in case Gavin's cold got worse.  
"Oh, good evening, Offi- Tina," he greeted his colleague and stepped into the kitchen to put the things he bought away.  
"Hey, Nines." her attention was back with Gavin as the man continued his story.

"Do you remember when we told our parents we stayed at each other's house to go to Benjamin's party?"  
"Yes! Yes, that was the best night ever. I saw this one girl with pink dyed hair and tried to talk with her."  
"And you were too shy to actually walk over until you had at least three beers in."  
"But I did talk to her!" Tina pointed her finger at Gavin accusingly as he stuffed his face with more noodles. Nines had planned to cook something a little healthier tonight, but his friend looked so happy, he couldn't bring himself to interrupt the fun.  
He smiled at the scene before him.  
He would talk with Tina about the current workplace conditions once she left. Nines knew that Tina hadn't participated in any of the bullying, but she needed to clear things up as Gavin wasn't going to, and neither would they listen.  
Nines sat down on the couch next to Gavin.

"It was the first party after you came out to me," she reminisced.   
"And I spent the night telling the girls coming over to go away."  
"Ah yes, you only had eyes for the host. Wouldn't be polite to not 'spend some time with him as he organised this'." Tina snorted. Gavin laughed with her about their shared memories.  
Nines felt a little left out, but that was understandable. He hadn't existed at that point.  
Gavin put the rest of the takeout on the table and leaned back, his head resting on the android's shoulder.  
Tina eyed them with a smug grin, but his friend didn't care as he continued to watch the movie that was playing.

It was one more hour before their coworker got up to leave, and Nines brought her to the door. He stepped into the stairwell, closing the door enough to be out of the detective's earshot.  
"It was nice of you to come over, Tina. I would have something to ask of you though."  
She looked up, waiting patiently.  
"I'm sure you're aware of what is happening at the precinct concerning Gavin. I know he had been laughing it off, but I can't help feeling worried that he isn't taking it as lightly as he pretends to. Could you please tell them what really had happened at the bar; he didn't mean to hit you."  
"I know, Richard. And I already told them. I think this has become less about me, and more about Gavin himself. They needed an excuse to pick on him, and that was it. We should talk to Fowler if this happens again."  
Tina had already told them. They just didn't care about it. They didn't care about Gavin, and it made Nines incredibly angry.  
She took her leave, and Nines walked back to Gavin after locking the door behind himself.

The man had passed out on the sofa in the little time he was outside, and the android scanned his body temperature and heart rate to make sure he was just asleep.  
Reduced temperature, and higher heart rate than usual. Blood pressure still lowered.  
Nines carefully picked Gavin up and brought him to bed.

His throat hurt before he even woke up fully. And his head was beginning to show the early signs of a headache, making Gavin less compliant with Nines' gentle attempts to wake him up. The shaking of his shoulders stopped momentarily, and Gavin was almost convinced he had managed to outdo his partner with patience, but the fingers tickling his sides made it obvious that wasn't the case. He just switched tactics, and it worked, because Gavin was very ticklish.

He repressed the smile on his face for a few seconds, before he had to let out quiet giggles that got louder the more he woke up.  
"Nines, stop!" he groaned tiredly. Pushing the hands away from his sides wasn't working.  
His stomach began to churn, and his tone became more panicked. "Stop!"  
Fuck, he felt nauseous. Gavin stumbled off the bed, running to the bathroom and locking it before he felt the bile rise and burn his already sore throat.  
God, his head was beginning to throb, making leaning over the toilet to expel whatever he had eaten last night a task of 50/50. Either he would pass out over the toilet from all the black spots in his vision, or continue to puke because of his headache. The joke here was the happy ending of the 50% probability to be okay. Both options were shit, and both would end with Nines getting concerned. He was sick of making his partner worry. He just wanted to have fun.

"Gavin, are you alright?!" A useless question. He knew Nines knew that as well.  
"Jus' great." Followed by dry-heaving.  
Fucking hell, there was nothing left in his stomach. Why make him irritate his throat more?  
"Don't come in! I-I'm okay," Gavin said panicked when hearing the doorknob moving, even if the door was locked. He was convinced Nines would break down the door if he wouldn't give confirmation of his consciousness ever thirty seconds.  
A quick glance into the toilet showed him a part of yesterday's dinner, with additional blood.

He flushed it, seeing that it was all washed away so Nines wouldn't get the disgusting idea to check on his throw-up, and rinsed his mouth at the sink to get rid of the awful taste.  
"Gavin, you should stay home for a couple of days," were the first words that greeted him when he exited the small room. "You're sick."  
"Real shit?" he croaked, trying to clear his throat from whatever lump was there. It didn't help.  
Nines watched him on his way back to bed, just laying down and pulling the blanket over his head miserably.  
He heard light footsteps on the floorboards, and soon after the blanket over his head was removed.  
Nines held a small cup with cough syrup out to him, and his stomach turned just looking at this disgusting shit.  
"Ugh, no. It won't help anyway." He was about to roll over, but a firm hand on his arm stopped him.  
"Please, Gavin. If you won't drink it willingly, you can be assured that I will force you." Aww, he had never had anyone so concerned about him that they would _threaten_ him. Too romantic.  
"Fine, but if I puke it back up, I blame you." "I can live with that."  
Gavin groaned and swallowed the disgusting substance. It burned his throat, so this was rather useless.

"Nines," he quickly spoke up before his partner would walk away again, "I'm cold... and I don't wanna be alone. Could you lay with me?"  
"Sure, let me just give Ava her breakfast and I'll be right with you."

Gavin waited patiently, even though the cold was clinging to his bones. Curling up did little to nothing.  
The scratching in his throat picked up again. Great, another coughing fit.

At least he wouldn't have to suffer for long. Not with the bottles of "water" under his bed. He picked one up, and drank a few gulps to be able to handle the physical closeness that was about to happen, and let it roll underneath the bed again.  
Nines reentered the room just shortly after and laid down. Gavin watched his every move almost in awe. He knew androids were pretty good at everything, but he hadn't seen the full potential yet. Not that from Nines. But he could imagine how lithe and agile he was with how quiet he could move around. The strength he proved he had while carrying his drunk ass.  
A shiver ran through his body, and goosebumps appeared on his skin. His partner was quick to lift the blanket over the two of them properly, but he kept his arms on his side. That wouldn't fly. If Gavin had already invited him to lay down to help him warm up, then he would get the full package.  
So he - surprisingly hesitant - slid closer, arms wrapping around the other's torso.  
"Fuck.. you're so warm...," Gavin mumbled dreamily. He pretended to not notice how nervous he was being so close to Nines. His partner could just push him away, and he had all right to do so after having treated him the way he had. But Nines didn't elbow him away. Quite the opposite actually.

"Say, how fast can you run?"  
"Definitely faster than you."  
"Haha, very funny." Gavin rolled his eyes. But he supposed asking the question out of nowhere would receive an answer like this. "I guess it's true though."  
"Well, I can't really catch up with a car, but I certainly can outdo any human or android suspects on foot."  
"Sounds handy."  
"Footy, actually."

Gavin looked up at Nines with disbelieve, before he let out a chuckle. "Whoever taught you puns, they need to stop. That was awful."  
"It made you laugh, didn't it?" Yeah, it did.

* * *

Gavin knew he wouldn't get better with whatever meds Nines was forcing down his throat, but really, it didn't matter.  
He kept doing what he was good at: Have fun with the constant fuzz in his head. His bucket list had been altered; two bullet points had been crossed out, and one more added.

**Bucket List**

\- buy gaming station

\- go clothes shopping with Nines

\- go to hair dresser

~~\- meet up with Tina~~

~~\- call Eli~~

\- finish the last case

\- kiss Nines

The last point may or may not have only been thrown in due to the courage boost the alcohol gave him. But he really wanted to try it out and see what would happen.  
But he wanted to wait until the right moment.  
The coughing got worse, and it was getting more bloody each time it was a particularly bad fit. Thus it was getting harder to hide as well. But he managed somehow.

Despite whatever he had getting worse, he convinced Nines to go out to the town with him on a day off. He already had a few ideas of what clothes the other could wear.

And so the two found themselves in a store with simple, but still fashionable enough clothes.  
Gavin was waiting on a seat before the changing stalls for Nines to finally come out with what he had chosen for him.  
"Are you done yet?"  
"Just one more second, please."  
A thought crossed his mind out of nowhere, and he couldn't stop the words from tumbling out his mouth: "Why is a second called a 'second' anyway? When it's one second, then wouldn't one'd be better?"  
Nines stepped out of the stall, a confused expression on his face. Ha, he probably thought he was high. Nah, just tipsy.  
But Gavin wasn't paying much attention to the doubtful look in his partner's eyes. His outfit was much more interesting.

He had chosen a simple black shirt and some beige chino pants - and Nines looked breathtaking in it. He could be a model honestly.  
"Wow, this looks great on you!" The tight material of the top was a big plus, hugging his chest enough to not look too small, but giving Gavin enough to fuel his sexually-deprived brain to work with. Who knew being constantly drunk would heighten his sex-drive? Not that he would go so far with Nines. Leaving out the fact that this might not even be possible, there also is the big, capital IF in the room: What if Nines doesn't like him like that? No matter how drunk he would get, he would never step over someone else's boundaries.

"You think so? It's not really.. uncomfortable. But still strange."  
"Don't be so uptight, Nines! You'll get used to this. Clothes always feel a little strange when they're new."  
Nines nodded and pulled the curtain shut again to put on other things they had picked out.  
It may have been deep into April already, nevertheless Detroit and its citizens were still haunted by sudden bouts of cold and rainy weather. What better way to dress his partner than in a turtleneck? Black, too.

Gavin got lost in thought again, when he lurched forward in the chair, handkerchief pressed against his mouth to hold back the horrible hacking and blood he knew would be there once he pulled it away.  
He had to be quick. He couldn't let Nines see. And knowing him, he would look outside if he didn't stop in the next three seconds.  
So the detective darted outside the store, still not able to stop the coughing. People were beginning to stare, and it made him all the more uncomfortable.

They didn't need to see him literally dying, and still they watched, they gawked. That's what humans did. They love watching others who are more miserable than them.  
Gavin pulled the soft tissue paper away, inspecting the big red splotches that have almost soaked through the several times folded tissue. He tasted something metallic.

"Mommy, that man is hurt!" a little girl told her mother as they passed, and the woman quickly grabbed her daughters hand to urge her to keep going, giving Gavin an odd glare. Why the fuck was that bitch angry at him? Was it his fault he was sick? What did her kid do commenting on it, too? As if he didn't know what he was doing to himself.  
Gavin just looked down at the floor, hands stuffed into his pockets. Fuck this. He was okay. He will have a good time with Nines.

Ah, Nines was probably searching for him. He should go back inside before that android managed to get security called on them by marching out the doors with the still-to-be-bought clothes on.

"Gavin, I heard you coughing again. The AC in here is on, and it might cause your throat to get more irritated. We should leave-"  
"Nah, I can handle it. I got some water with me." He suppressed the wince that threatened to spill when he heard how hoarse his voice was. Hopefully Nines didn't mind him sounding like a broken rubber ducky. "And I feel fine, even if it doesn't sound like it."  
Nines was clearly upset. But he wasn't a self-titled liar for nothing.  
"Alright. But I'll only try on the clothes we already chose, then we'll go."

And that's what they did. Gavin still had to go to the hairdresser though, and he thanked whatever being had been fucking with him for almost 37 years that he didn't have a fit with the sharp scissors near his head. That would have ended bloodier than just his insides.

More points off his list. Everything was going smoothly.

Until it eventually didn't.  
Like everything.  
Gavin just didn't understand what he was doing wrong. He was feeling good, in some twisted sense, sure. But he was nicer to people around him. He even had brought a rose to the precinct from his break for Nines, not giving a shit that anyone saw.  
It actually seemed like his coworkers were slowly warming up to him.  
It all was so perfect. Friends, a career, a partner - whom he haven't told that he may like yet as he was unsure if it was true. It was all there. What else could he want?

A working body, apparently.

"What happened to you, Gavin? I can barely recognise you!" someone commented. He was in the break room with some others, enjoying a short break with a cup of coffee. Nines was at his desk right now engulfed in a few files.  
He shrugged, taking a sip from his second favourite drink. His voice was still sounding rough, but he could keep it under control when he tensed his neck muscles a little. "I don't know." The coffee burned his throat. "I guess I just finally took care of some things that held me back."  
Tina patted him on the back: "Yeah. Including your romantic relationship with Richard."   
Gavin felt his cheeks flush with warmth, and he chuckled in embarrassment. No one laughed at him though, as he had expected them to. No, they looked as if they were happy for him. It felt nice.

Woah, he was feeling tired.. Gavin set the cup on the table and stepped back to lean on a counter.  
He was shivering. Had someone turned the AC on?  
He didn't realise the world around him had gone blurry until he heard his name being called. "Gavin, are you okay? Maybe you should sit down."  
"No...no, it's Oka-" Oh no. Not now. He started coughing, and he leaned down as if that would hide what was about to happen. He would have hidden in the restroom if he didn't fear to keel over and pass out right then and there. He just had to wait until it was over. The hacking turned nearly violent, and it just wouldn't stop even though his oesophagus felt as if it was tearing into shreds.  
He heard a faint voice say something about Richard. They wouldn't get him, would they? He was just fine. Gavin didn't want the other to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him like this.  
The hand covering his mouth instinctively went to his stomach as it constricted in a painful way. As if the organ itself was trying to push itself out of his body.  
Everything around him was shaking.. or was he trembling?  
 _"Oh god, he's bleeding."_  
No, he wasn't. He was okay. But he couldn't tell them.  
Another wave of nausea rolled through him like a hurricane, and he heaved.  
Hands were on him, but he didn't know whose they were. He didn't want them to touch him.

_Get off me.. don't touch me... don't look at me._

_"Gavin, it's just me. Don't worry."_  
The man looked up, eyes unable to focus, ears unable to hear. He was dying, wasn't he?  
He had wished for that for so long, but now.. he wasn't ready! He still had to tell Nines- He had to-

No, it couldn't get dark now! He had to stay alive for just another moment! He needed to tell Nines that he **loved him**!

"N-Nines.. I," he could barely hear himself talk, but he knew he had the man's attention. The familiar strong hands on his shoulders tightened their grip ever so slightly. "I.. love.."

 _"I love you."_ He may not have solved the case before his end. But he was happy to have spent the time like he did.

He was happy thanks to Nines.

_"Gavin! Please.. don't leave me."_


	13. I've got crippling depression.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard isn't sure how to deal with Gavin anymore. He has failed once more.
> 
> Gavin notices Nines acting weird, and it's making him feel rather uncomfortable. Let alone him having to go to the other loonies into the ward...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was hard to write this chapter. I got sick. Not with corona.  
> It may just be a cold, because it's suddenly gotten real cool where I live, and I was out in the wind all day. Not really a good mix with my buzzcut and without my usual hat.

Nines had been feeling many things for a while.

Happiness, anger, worry. Even sadness and guilt.  
Now seeing Gavin laying in the white hospital bed sheets increased the horrible sensations of the last two pulsing through his processors and artificial veins, and he couldn't calm himself down, no matter what the doctors had told him.

He would be fine while staying hooked up to the IV.  
Gavin was okay. He did not have cancer as most in the office had first thought - including himself. He had been severely dehydrated with the addition of an infected wound in his throat which caused him to cough up blood from the reopening wound.  
It had been a conundrum for him as to how the other could be dehydrated. Until Hank called and told him what he had found out one hour after Gavin had been brought to the hospital.  
This idiot.. _his_ idiot of a partner had been drinking alcohol for a while now. Had hid it right under his nose!  
It was good to know it wasn't the worst case scenario though, but it still wasn't a good one.

It hurt to know that the intimate moments they had shared may not even be true.  
It couldn't have been a lie... It couldn't all have been _fake_.  
Nines didn't know what to do or think right now. He was sitting next to Gavin's bed in the clean, white room. It's what he felt was right to do. But he couldn't help feeling angry both at himself and his "friend", and Hank.  
Why hadn't he been able to help? It was one of his two purposes, and he had failed that one over and over again.  
Why was Gavin so obsessed with destroying himself?

And was he really ready to die?  
_"I love you."_  
His words were still echoing in his audio processors.  
If Gavin was willing to die - at such a young age -, then why even bother telling him that? He would only hurt Nines more. It's what he had done already.

Nines was reaching his hand out to Gavin's, but he hesitated. He wasn't sure.. he wasn't sure if he could invest himself like that for much longer. Even if it was Gavin who mainly suffered, he was affected, too. He wouldn't ever leave him to his own devices; not when he cared on such a deep level that it prevented his stress levels to lower. But maybe someone else had to care for the man and try to help him, because Nines was unable to.  
He had proved his incompetence too many times, and if he wouldn't take proper action, it was going to cost Gavin's life. He needed therapy, antidepressants. Someone he could actually count on to see how badly he was feeling.

Now there was something else bugging him: Love. Was he able to feel love? For Gavin?  
He felt the need to be close to him physically, and whenever his friend had broken down in front of him he had wanted to hug him and tell him that he was safe. That he wasn't going to let anyone hurt him - only that the enemy was Gavin himself.  
That day in the car, when they had held hands, he had to focus on not letting his synthetic skin retract. His body had reacted in a quite curious way at that moment. Why show his chassis when he couldn't even interface with the detective?  
But the more articles he read of android-human relationships, where such instances occurred as well, the more he understood that there was a strong emotion involved that allowed him to show his vulnerability to him.

Nines looked up at the door when it opened, watching as Hank and Connor stepped in. How nice of them to visit.  
"Good evening, Lieutenant Anderson. Connor," he nodded lightly in greeting.   
"Nines, you know you can call me by my first name." The man appeared tense, and guilty. He didn't stand as straight as usual, and his brows furrowed further as his eyes met the still form on the mattress.  
Nines refused to correct himself.  
"Is there anything you need?" He felt drained off his energy, even if his battery levels were still at 45%. They had been at 95% this morning. This stress was putting a strain on his systems.  
Connor spoke up, a reassuring smile on his face: "We wanted to drop by and see if Gavin was alright."  
"Oh, as you can see he is just fine. He'll be up and running in no time."  
The older android looked taken aback by his sarcastic comment. Nines couldn't care less. He was on edge, understandably after the lieutenant had withheld such important information as Gavin's drinking problem from him. Hank had surely told Connor, but not him! He was supposed to take care of Gavin, damnit!

"I can't do this any longer. Gavin needs professional help that I can't give - even though I have been _designed_ just for that!" He bent forward, hiding his face behind his hands. He was ashamed.  
"Nines, you can't expect yourself to be good at everything," Connor knelt down next to him, a gentle hand settling on his back, "You already became friends with him. One can't expect you to work factually when there's an emotional bond involved."  
"Then what am I supposed to do?! Next thing I know is that he had thrown himself off a roof while I wasn't looking!" Tears ran down his face. "I don't want that to happen."  
"It won't, Nines. Gavin needs, as you said yourself, professional help. He might not agree with it, but he will have to stay at a psychiatric ward. You can't always satisfy his wishes if you want him to get better. You'll need to step up and tell him what to do. And he trusts you enough to listen; even though he might get angry at first."  
Hank chimed in, arms crossed in front of his chest: "Connor's right. The best thing you can do is tell that stubborn as- man what he's doing wrong, and stay at his side."

The two's optimism was appreciated. It was just a little hard to believe. Gavin had shown repeatedly that he wanted to end his life in the worst of ways.  
"The nurses found this in his pocket," Nines pulled out a small piece of paper from his jacket. "It's a bucket list, which contents I will not show to you, as this invasion of privacy is already going too far. But it shows that he had been prepared to.. accept his 'fate'. He would have kept his deteriorating health from me, and you," he looked up at Hank, "you would have not told me until it was **too late**!"  
He stood up, LED red.  
The man looked down at the floor.  
"Gavin is severely dehydrated and has an infection in his oesophagus because of **what**? **Because you didn't tell me the moment you found out!** "

Connor tried to calm him down, saying that his stress levels were rising too quickly, but he just wanted to be left alone for a bit. He needed to order all the information and events from today into some sort of timeline, because all his memories and thoughts were chaotic; a desperate attempt to differentiate between sober- and tipsy-Gavin.

"I know I should have told you bu-"  
"Shut up! I don't want to hear your excuses! This is unforgivable! Just leave me alone. And for the love of rA9, leave Gavin alone, too!" With all things said, he stormed out of the room.  
He could imagine his two friends looking at each other in shock at his outburst.

* * *

Gavin was suspicious of his surroundings. It was bright, even behind his heavy eyelids, but he was sure heaven wouldn't smell like shit, strong alcohol and tragedy.  
"Phck," he huffed as he was met with a hospital room upon opening his eyes. This meant trouble. Serious trouble.

He let himself get back to full consciousness before looking around the room. Against his expectations, it was empty. There were flowers and some cards on his bedside table, and he slowly leaned up on an elbow to investigate who had left them here. The shaking his body was doing was not particularly helping him much, but he had no other choice.  
Gavin halted his movements at the light sting in the arm he was reaching out with. A needle, connected to an IV bag. He hadn't slipped into a catatonic state again, had he? What had happened before he woke up here?

It took way too many braincells to think about that right now, so the detective pursued what he had been occupied with: the get-well presents.  
There was a small pastel blue card hidden between the yellow flowers. Gerbera daisies as far as he could tell. He loved this type. They were from Tina.  
And there were two cards. Upon further inspection, one was signed by the precinct - just like that time when.. when... He was sent on vacation. Fun times. The other was from Connor and Hank. It felt like one signature was missing. 

Before he could dwell on it, someone entered the room, and he looked up with hope. It was just a female, human nurse... maybe they were an android? Who could tell nowadays?  
"Good day, Mr. Reed. How are you feeling today?" she smiled happily.  
Gavin had to think for a while, and it almost took him longer to piece the short row of words together: "I'm okay. What happened?"  
"When you came here you were suffering from severe dehydration, and you had an infection in your throat, as well as a concerning amount of alcohol in your system. But don't worry, the doctor took good care of you." She tilted the window open a little to let some fresh air in. "Now that you're awake, I will go and get him for you so you can listen to his diagnosis yourself. Is there anyone you would like us to contact-"  
"No! N-no. It's fine." He didn't need anyone to come here. And surely Nines was already here. He had most likely just gone out for a walk, or gone to get some water for him when he woke up. Right?

She nodded and left the room again. Gavin let his head drop back down onto the uncomfortably soft pillow.  
Where was Nines? Where was anyone for that matter?  
He was a dumbass. They were probably working. Why should they check up on him, if there were lives to safe, while he was busy destroying his own... ah, he remembered properly what had happened.

Vodka. The precinct. Blood on tissues. His bucket list. He was so _fucked_.

Gavin decided to push these thoughts away once the doctor walked in.

The talk had been boring, as expected. What he wanted to know was when he could finally leave. Especially after the nurse had offered to bring him his lunch. Hospital meals would give him food poisoning, and after just having woken up from passing out he didn't really feel like dying again so soon.  
They had told him that he could leave in a couple hours, so that they could see if he was as fine as he claimed; surprisingly enough, he felt pretty good. Like a weight had been lifted off his chest that made it easer to breathe. Another condition for him to leave so soon though, was that someone came and picked him up and brought him home. And they insisted he had someone take care of him for a few days.

Gavin had told them he would call someone and see if they're available, and they left him alone to give him some privacy.  
The phone beeped against his ear, and he waited with growing anticipation for the person to pick up.  
"Hello, Detective. Reed."  
"Nines? What's up with you calling me by my surname? Never mind, um.. could you come pick me up at the hospital in a couple hours? Please?"  
"..."  
"Nine-"  
"I will be there."  
The call ended abruptly.

This was probably the oddest conversation he had had with him for a while.  
But Gavin couldn't care right now. He was still tired, and just wanted to sleep.  
So that's what he did.

Next time he woke up there still wasn't anyone in his room. But he knew the confident footsteps walking down the hall, which have probably woken him up due to their familiarity. He would know them from anywhere.  
And shortly after, as he expected, Nines entered the room.  
He moved near to emotionless while opening the door and closing it again, and Gavin could see as much in his scanning eyes as they focused on him.  
"Good day, Detective Reed." He stood stiff before his bed.  
Gavin didn't like this. At all. "Nines, are you feeling okay?" Was it something he had done? Or even said? He could barely remember it, but he knew he had confessed to Nines in his panic of - what he thought - was his imminent death. Oh fuck, had he been rejected?! But how? Nines and him... they had gotten along well. Turned out he had been wrong, ha... Ouch.  
"I am feeling fine, Detective. I heard that you can be discharged from the hospital already, with the conditions of being brought home and having someone there to watch over you for at least two days to make sure your infection will heal properly."

It didn't sound like Nines was offering to do that last part.  
"I'll be okay," he shrugged and slowly got off the bed. Shit, where were his clothes? Did they really have to dress him in this shitty gown?  
"Unlikely. You have shown complete incompetence to take care of yourself." WOW. How polite.  
"Shut up," he growled, glaring up at his partner.  
"I am merely stating the truth. If it weren't true, you wouldn't feel offended as you do."  
"Whatever, I just wanna go home. I hate hospitals." He removed the blanket, in search of his pants. He managed to locate them and was putting them on when Richard kept talking. And he was talking shit: "That is unfortunate, as you will be visiting a psychiatrical ward, until your suicidal tendencies subside."

Gavin halted his movements, and looked into Nines' blue, disinterested eyes. He looked serious when saying this joke. Way too serious.  
"I.. you're not being serious, are you? I won't go to a mental ward."  
"You will. It's not up for discussion. I won't mind dragging you there if I have to."  
Gavin shook his head, eyes wide. He was so shocked at hearing this he couldn't even get angry at the attitude Nines was showing. "No, I won't go to the damn crazy house. I'm.. I'm okay, Nines-"  
"You are going to go there, and get professional help!" Gavin suppressed the wince that threatened to show as the other raised his voice. "I will not stand by idly while you kill yourself." His LED spun yellow, a few specks of red showing occasionally, while his expression remained cold.

Gavin finally buttoned his pants and sat down on the bed. He was speechless. What happened to Nines while he was out? He didn't sound or act like the man he fell in love with.

"Nines..," he mumbled. The other didn't respond, but he knew he had his attention. "I.. when I told you I loved you at the precinct, what were you thinking? Do you like me back?"  
The LED showed more red, and he was beginning to worry he would cause Nines to self-destruct. Then: "I don't know. We'll have this talk once you're properly back home. For now, please get dressed so we can admit you to a psychiatry as soon as possible."  
Gavin felt the temperature in the room drop by how unfeeling the other said all these horrible things.  
He felt like he had to comply.. He would lose someone if he continued down this path he had been going for way too long.

So Gavin got dressed, even if every fibre in his body protested against the prospect of spending days in a strange place, with people more destroyed than him.

That's how he got here. Into this dingy room, shared with another person.  
He wasn't locked in here. Not in the room itself. But the ward he had been brought to was.  
Gavin had never felt more embarrassed. What would Fowler say if he knew? And he would find out, because Richard was going to tell him where he was and that he couldn't work at the moment. Would he deem him useless and fire him? Maybe comment something smart like: "I see that you couldn't handle all the action out on the field, Reed." As if Gavin couldn't fucking handle seeing some dead people and androids. It was his smallest problem - if a problem at all.  
God, what were the others at the station going to think of him? He had tried and failed to end his life on multiple occasions. They must have thought he was crazy. And the more time he spent in this damn, shitty ward, the more he came to terms that he actually was. So what? Let him be crazy! **Yes, he was going fucking nuts! Who cared?**

His room was further in the back of the station. Two beds stood in the corner of the rooms near the door, and there was a little bathroom directly to the right of the exit. There was a desk across the door with one lonesome chair, and at each side stood a closet for the patients' belongings.  
The ward had a couple perks: A smoker area (The lighter was inside the wall of the room. A weird construction to prevent anyone from burning themselves alive), and the conversations in it.

Gavin had spent a few days here, and his daily routine had been fairly easy: wake up, smoke, lay back down in bed and sleep, wait for breakfast etc. Just one day into the clinic, and he had suffered a seizure from the sudden lack of alcohol. Nines had been there to witness it, and Gavin had wished he didn't. He hated the red colour of this weird mood ring on his temple. He hated how Nines had just stared once he came back around and let the nurses help him. He would have appreciated it more if Nines had assisted him. The hands of the strangers on him had been grating on his nerves. But Gavin didn't tell. He deserved the distance after all the stunts he had pulled.

It doesn't matter anymore, Gavin thought, nothing ever has.  
The variety of pills he was offered each day really helped him cope with the fact that he was around another person 24/7, and watched intently by the nurses and doctors.

They wanted him to talk. Talk about why he was here, and where the suicidal tendencies might have stemmed from.  
The meds made it fairly easy to talk, so easy that he often started rambling.

"Mr. Reed, how are you doing today?" Two weeks here, and no visitors. They told him it would be best for him to be alone for a while, maybe make friends with the other patients.  
He thought about the question, slumping further into his seat, hands buried in the hoodie his partner had brought him. What did they mean with this question?  
"I guess... good. But my guesses haven't really been well for a while. I don't know. Think that it'll be a good day. Today I can play table tennis with Derek." Where was Derek right now? The two of them had the active program today. Table tennis. He liked the sport.  
"It's nice that you have something to look forward to, Mr. Reed. Is there anything you would like to talk about today?" The female psychiatrist was waiting patiently for his answer. He didn't know what to tell her.  
"Is there any use in telling you my sob story?"  
"I do believe there is a great advantage for you if you talked about your past." Might as well try it then. "Last time we talked about your parents' divorce, as well as the conflict that caused between your half-brother and you. Maybe you would like to continue from there?"  
Good thing she still remembered, because he didn't. Every two days they would talk, and with his sleeping schedule he couldn't keep up with what happened when, nor if it was real or just a dream; he dreamed of this place, too. Always tried to break out, but when Nines found him, and urged him to go home, he would always say he wasn't ready yet.

"To drop the big bomb on the go, my mother committed suicide a short while after moving out of my father's house. I found her."  
"How old were you?"  
"14.. I think. It doesn't matter though. It's long ago."  
"I am sure you were scared to find her. And this event may still traumatise you today. What do you feel when thinking back to it?"  
"I don't feel much of anything right now. But when I found her I just.. stared. As if she would suddenly move again and be alive, and I could have a proper family again. But that's a lie; I never had a good family. My father - that asshole - cheated on another woman with my mom. While the woman was still pregnant with Eli, he knocked up my mom, and then left her to rot as he got bored with both of them." He knew he should feel angrier while talking about this. He used to get angry. But right now he just sat on the soft chair in the psychiatrist's room, staring blankly at the wall.

The emptiness in his body was overwhelming, and before he could stop himself he mumbled: "I wanna go home."   
How was Nines doing right now? Was he okay? The last times they had seen each other, there was a thick tension between them, and Gavin didn't want that. He wondered if his partner would give him his answer soon. He had said "I don't know". But he needed to know. He so desperately needed to know...

Tears formed in his eyes, and shortly after felt the first hot drop roll down his cheeks.  
"I don't want to be left behind again by the only person I care about."  
A lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed hard to get rid of it. It didn't budge.  
"I don't want to become like my father." His voice was strained. He didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted to take a nap and sleep the rest of the morning, afternoon and evening away.

"I am very sorry about what happened to you and your mother. I am sure that you felt abandoned when she moved away, but isn't there any person around that has stayed for a long time? Or a person that will be there no matter what happens?" She thought he had trust issues. And she would be right.  
So Gavin thought about it. "Yes, there are two that come to mind. But I'm not sure they will be there for me for much longer."  
"Why do you think that?"  
"Because I.. I constantly have some sort of problem. They will get tired of taking care of me eventually," he admitted.  
"If they are your friends, then I am sure they won't do that. You should work on trusting the people you hold dear."  
He nodded.

The rest of the conversation turned more to his experiences here, and if he still had suicidal thoughts. He told her the truth about not having any suicidal thoughts. Was it only a half-truth though? Because there were no thoughts in his mind most of the time. The pills they gave him were doing a good job of suppressing his negative emotions; but they were doing the same with the positive ones - Gavin wouldn't complain, as the positive feelings were seldom anyway.  
It was a dry talk, and yearned to just have some fun time with Nines. Maybe watch a movie and sit together. He was lonely here.

He was sent back to his room after the session, and he resumed his usual schedule of laying in bed.

Gavin was in the bathroom, drying himself off with his towel and put on a fresh pair of comfy sweatpants, and tank top. The bucket list he had made laid on the edge of the sink, and he stared at it, uncertain of what to do with the item. His mind told him to destroy it, and start living, instead of watching the imaginary countdown over his head tick down. It was a step in the right direction. One to get out of here already and see Ava again, and hear Nines scold him for not eating enough, or that he should take a shower already. He missed his soft guidance.

He walked out of the bathroom and to his bed, sitting on it cross-legged, the piece of paper gripped tightly.  
"One step forward," he mumbled (Luckily he was alone in his room. But why should he care if his roommate heard him talk to himself?). And he ripped it into half, then quarters, until there were just small shreds of it left.

The door to his room opened, but Gavin didn't look up. He had given up hoping for Nines to show up. They didn't let anyone in for his sake. And with the progress he felt he was making he didn't see himself out of here for another two weeks. He wanted to leave. He felt trapped and observed all day. It didn't bother him as strongly anymore, but there was the constant tension within him anyway.

"Detective Reed," Gavin looked up.  
"Geez, Nines. Call him by his first name already. Stop being so fuckin' salty," Hank huffed behind him. Four people stood there. In his room. After all the isolation, he couldn't have been happier to see them - even Hank and Connor. And Tina was here, too. Just like the woman had told him she would be.  
Maybe it was the fact that Nines looked a little more like his emotional self again, or that he was wearing the outfit Gavin had picked out for his friend, but something in his chest stirred through all the fog that had been collecting since his stay. Thus he jumped off the bed, practically tackling the android with a hug. The force would have left any human struggling to keep their balance, but Nines wasn't a human. He was not only an android either. He was so much more, and Gavin wanted to get to know it all. He just wanted to not be here anymore.

Nines looked over at Connor when Gavin came running at him, unsure of what to do. He wasn't angry at him anymore, but still disturbed of his actions.  
He recently had been distancing himself from his working partner to give him and himself space. His coworkers had expressed their concern and told him he was acting more like a machine ever since Gavin had been in here. Of course he had noticed, but he pushed the worries away, as they haven't been helpful; without distancing himself emotionally from what was going on, his stress levels were high, and his processors were near constantly replaying memories of times spent together with the man currently hugging him.  
He had visited Connor and Hank often during the time he had been alone at Gavin's apartment. They usually had talked about work, or possible future meet-ups at a beach, or a cabin in the woods - a vacation together. The more he retreated within himself, in order to protect himself, the more the talks turned to an equivalent of therapy. Connor had mentioned the possibility of a sentimental attraction Nines might or might not have felt towards his friend. And he had accepted to talk about it, because it felt good and he trusted the other android. He had more experiences with emotions than him, and he needed assistance to deal with them.  
His answer was a yes. He felt an interest towards Gavin. A romantic one. But so did he feel worry for him. It strained his systems.

But now all the emotions he had carefully pushed away resurfaced at the loving gesture. He felt how they flooded his biocomponents, and it was near painful to see Gavin's face so expressionless while his eyes screamed for endearment.  
Connor nodded encouragingly, so Nines wrapped his arms around Gavin.

No one spoke for a while, but words weren't needed. He just held him tightly. Oh, how much he wanted to bring him back home! But he couldn't. Gavin needed help until the doctors knew he was better.

"I missed you," Gavin whispered against his chest, "why didn't you call?" Nines lifted his hand to the other's head, just holding it in place. He heard the other two in the room leave to wait outside. The conversation now wasn't for their ears.  
"I wanted to give you space. To let you focus on getting better. How is it going?"  
"I feel better. No suicidal thoughts." Nines spotted the familiar paper ripped into small pieces on his bed.  
"That's very nice to hear."  
Gavin pulled away from the embrace and sat on the bed, and Nines next to him. Something was on the other's mind. His hands were gripped the mattress tightly, but he stared at the wall ahead, as if he was still standing there.  
"I am terrified here."  
Nines tilted his head to the side slightly.  
"I have nightmares of this place constantly. I.. I feel like I'll never get out of here."

Gavin tried to keep his voice even, but he struggled. He needed to cry, and smile, and scream all at once.  
"Even though I am trying my best to make progress! Every day feels endless. It's so boring it hurts. Everything feels _dead_ in here. I want to go back home. To Ava and you." He sobbed, but didn't bother to hide his ugly crying face.  
He saw Nines' yellow LED from his peripheral vision. "Would you like to talk about it?"  
".. Do you really wanna hear it?" He got a nod in response. "The hallways and rooms are always so quiet, even when they're filled with other people. We're all so filled with meds that I can't even keep up a proper conversation with them; they look like walking corpses and sound as much. And you're always being watched. There's always someone around to make sure you don't do anything out of order."

Nines appreciated Gavin telling him this with much less reluctance than before. It wasn't nice to hear him struggling like that though.

"I heard they wanted you in the open ward for another two weeks. Then you're out of here. And during that time you're even allowed to leave - under supervision."  
That was comforting to know. Gavin leaned against the man. He was so warm.

"Have you thought about your answer yet?"  
Gavin was scared to know, but he needed to ask. He needed to know if his feelings were requited.  
He let the android's hand hold his, and watched the skin retract which was usually done for interfacing. The detective looked up to question why Nines was doing so - as he clearly wasn't an android - but the kiss to his forehead shut him up before he even started to speak.

"Is that enough of an answer?" He was offered a smile, and Gavin felt something spark in his chest. It wasn't strong enough to show on the surface, but it was acceptable for him.  
"No," the smile faded, "I need another answer. To my lips, preferably." The smile turned to a grin, before the android started laughing.  
"I'll give you as many answers as you want, as long as you don't pull that just now again."  
"Okay."

He had a boyfriend now. He gripped the hand in his own tighter. Nines' LED was a peaceful blue once more, and it calmed Gavin to watch it spin slowly, and evenly.

He wasn't alone anymore. That thought alone comforted him enough to let him feel more energetic again, despite whatever antidepressants they were shoving down his throat. He would push through the last two weeks.

For Nines and himself.


	14. I like to believe I take one step at a time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are a little uneventful. But it is just good with Gavin. He needs a proper break from all the shit he has done to himself.  
> Good thing Nines is there with him. He is thankful.
> 
> Until he is taken from him.

People were friendly towards him.  
Gavin didn't bother contemplating whether it was due to him having collapsed in front of them, or if he was just less hostile. He just accepted the get-well-messages sent to him via phone while he was reading through them on his couch, occasional apologies for their bullying as they probably heard Tina out on what really had happened. Maybe Fowler was the final push of motivation. Who knew? He didn't care.

Fowler had ordered for him to get settled in back home for a couple days, and, with difficulty, also had sent the RK900 to keep him company. The decision may have been troublesome, because that meant less workers once more or there had been another crime scene that would cause them to finally get a lead on those gangsters killing innocent androids. And it was Gavin's fault that the case wasn't going as fast as it could.

But that honestly didn't concern him. It had been Fowler's decision alone to let Nines go home to take care of him, not his. He knew he wasn't going to try anything again - he didn't want to go back to the ward.

Unbelievable. He had thought he was dying, which probably would have happened eventually. But it wasn't cancer, it was less morbid; only a wound in his throat that had gotten infected.

"Gavin, would you like to eat something specific for lunch?" Nines looked over from the kitchen. Nice offer, but he didn't have a clue of what to eat, nor was he particularly hungry. But he should eat.  
He shrugged, and added when seeing the concerned look on his boyfriend's face: "Doesn't matter. Jus' something easy on the stomach would be nice."  
The other nodded and got to work on whatever he was going to make now.

Gavin grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. He hadn't watched the children channel in a while. Maybe there were some cartoons on, anything that would make him laugh. He had been feeling better with the antidepressants, almost content. But no matter how many jokes he read or vines he watched on his phone, no laughter came out, despite him feeling amused by what he saw.  
Nines surely had noticed as well. He knew him after all. Ah, wonders of having someone live with you; it was almost inexplicable to Gavin how they would get used to one's presence and habits.

There indeed was something on. A new version of what he used to watch as a kid. Most would say that the new would destroy the old, and just distort what the true show had been like before. But that's how life worked: It changes. Always did. It had forever, and humans still struggled to grasp that concept. Dumbasses. He used to be one, too; unaccepting of androids, but he got to appreciate them slowly. He accepted change more, even if it was hard.

Nines knew Gavin's medication was necessary, and prescribed by professionals. Still, it didn't sit right with him to see the man with a constant blank stare on his face, always observing. He looked peaceful in an uncommon fashion, as if he finally let himself feel the emotions he had been suppressing for so long - he had proved doing so when hugging him in the psychiatry. But now there was the problem of Gavin unable to show it. It was better than what had been going on before though.  
The doctors told Nines that Gavin needed to take them for a while so his body could get accustomed to the effects.  
Over all he was glad Gavin was back, and better. He felt it, this was it. This time Gavin would manage to get healthy, and he would be there for him.

"I heard you've made friends in the hospital."  
Gavin nodded, eyes fixed on the TV screen. Nines continued to cut the scallion for the soup he chose to make. He wanted to make Gavin feel comfortable, so he wouldn't show his unease about the apathetic look he gave his surroundings.  
"That's nice. What did you do together?"  
"We played ping-pong. And talked. Much. His name's Derek."  
"Do you like playing table tennis? We could go to the park sometime and play together if you'd like."  
"Okay."

Gavin was happy about the offer. It was a nice hobby to have, and he wouldn't say no to spending time with Nines and get some fresh air once in a while that wasn't exuding the stench of blood from crime scenes.  
He got up from the couch when he spotted Ava lazily trotting out of her little house in the cat tree, and grabbed the cat wand off the top shelf on the bookcase. He rested his knees on the cushions of the sofa, elbows leaning on the back of it while Ava was passing by unaware. He let the pendant dangle in front of her, and her predatory eyes immediately fixed on the familiar toy. Her little paws tried to catch the blue and green feathers, but he pulled it away. She chased after it.  
Adorable.

Truly adorable, seeing Gavin lean over the couch like that to play with his pet. He looked so focused on the task that he didn't notice Nines walking up behind him. The android set his hand on his shoulder, feeling the muscles tense in surprise, but Gavin didn't turn around to look.  
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"  
Gavin grabbed his wrist and gently pulled him onto the couch into the same kneeling position.  
Still busy with waving the wand around, Gavin intertwined their fingers and leaned his weight against Nines'.  
He complied, resting his head against his partner's.

The day passed smoothly. Gavin managed to finish a bowl of soup, took a shower, shaved and dressed himself in something other than sweatpants and a loose shirt.  
"I'd like to take a walk."  
Nines looked up from the thriller novel he had been given by Connor. "It's raining outside."  
"Then we'll take an umbrella."  
"Please, do put on something warmer then, Gavin. I wouldn't want you to get sick."  
The other obliged and returned to the living room with a sweatshirt over his top.

They shared the umbrella. Gavin didn't mind having Nines' arm around him and being so physically close while outside on the streets. Let everyone see, what did he care? Strangers. That's what they were. Why had he always been so bothered by everyone's stares?  
"Where would you like to go?"  
"Book store."  
So that's where they went.

It wasn't far, so they walked, Gavin enjoying the warm feeling of having Nines' arm around his waist. It was an older shop, and it smelled like that, too. It was a miracle that it still stood, as most people wanted the new electrical newspapers that updated their articles if you were subscribed to the news agency. And Gavin feared that this place was going to go bankrupt soon. He didn't want to order books over the Internet, he wanted to be around the smell of new and old paper while choosing what to buy.  
There were multiple rows of bookshelves throughout the room, all filled with whatever genre one fancied. It wasn't particularly dark, but not all lamps were working, thus enveloping a few corners in shadows. It was comfy.

He let go of Nines' hand and passed a few shelves on his way to the furthest corner to the left.  
There were two more customers as far as he could detect, but they minded their business, so he did the same in return.

Thriller and Action novels. He hadn't read them in such a long time.  
Jo Nesbø was a great author, and the books he wrote used to be his favourite; always exciting to see if the main character (usually a police man or detective) was able to catch the murderer on the loose. It was his luck that the store had them in stock, if used only due to how outdated they were. But that didn't matter much - as long as one could still read them with no problem.  
Nines stood next to him, the handle of the umbrella neatly hanging on his forearm.  
Gavin let himself get lost as he searched for a title he hadn't read yet. Even though the old ones caught his eyes more often. He didn't have the books in his possession anymore, and it would be nice to reread them after.. fifteen years? So much time had passed since his teenage years. It felt like it had just been yesterday when he had been laying in bed late at night with the book in his hand, constant terror coursing through him at the fear of his father seeing he was still up.

Good times.

"You also enjoy thrillers?" Gavin looked up at Nines, who had posed the question.  
He nodded.  
"Is there something specific you're searching for?"  
"Author is Jo Nesbø." Gavin took the unspoken offer from Nines to search the shelf for him. It would be faster, and he was suddenly getting tired. After having taken that shower, he had felt more attentive of his environment again, but now - out of nowhere - there laid a heavy blanket over him. And everything around him had this blurry curtain over it. He needed to focus on the objects directly to make them clear again.  
The detective let out a yawn, and leaned against the wall next to him. Standing was such a task.

"Gavin?" He groaned in response. His eyes were so dry. Was there some sort of AC in here? It wasn't cold.  
"Nines.. could you come here for a second?" He held out his arms, and laid them around the other's neck when he had stepped over.  
"What is it? Are you feeling sick?"  
He was so worried about him. It was cute. But "No, I am okay. I jus' feel exhausted all of a sudden." He rested his body against Nines'. The warmth radiating off of him wouldn't help his sleepiness, but he might as well fall asleep here for all he cared. He knew he'd get home safely with the android around.  
"It may be a side effect from your medication. You didn't take too many, did you?"  
Gavin felt insulted. As if he would try something already. "Don't think so. Think they're jus' strong. Jus' shut up for a minute." The order was given with no bite. He just wanted all to be quiet around him.

Arms wrapped around him tightened when his legs gave out for a second, and he shot up out of reflex due to the fear of falling. "I think the meds are workin' too well, Nines."  
Gavin looked up into the icy-blues. He could stare at them all day. He had never noticed just how beautiful they were, or at least not appreciated them enough. He would need to tell Nines sometime.  
"It's okay, you can relax. I'm here," the whisper calmed his slowly increasing heart rate, but he still didn't feel comfortable with falling asleep in the store after all.  
"We'll buy the books another time. Let's go home."

Gentle hands urged him towards the door, and he followed with no resistance. Walking would wake him up. Damn meds. Couldn't even enjoy one day out with Nines before something had to go wrong.

It was raining less when they got outside, enough to not have to utilise the umbrella anymore.  
Nines' arm was around his shoulders, and he felt protected. Safe from the potential gawkers on the streets.   
Suddenly a wave of cold water washed over him, and he gasped in shock as his clothes got drenched. A quick glance to their left showed that a passing car had sprayed water from a puddle on the street onto them.

Nines was in front of him in seconds, crouched down a little to accommodate his height (he wasn't that much shorter than him... Nines was merely freakishly tall). His hands cupped his cheeks, and he tilted his head into one in response.  
"Are you alright?" His head turned to the car that had already disappeared around the corner. "Unbelievable. They could at least drive carefully through town!"  
A warm feeling took up the empty space in his chest, and Gavin grinned at his boyfriend's reaction - he smiled! Nines looked so aghast over this just now. It was hilarious.  
"It's just water, Nines. And it actually helped me wake up a little. C'mon, let's go home so we can get into some dry clothes."  
The other seemed surprised by his reply and even more shocked at his expression, but followed anyway as he was pulled along so they could get back to their apartment.

* * *

"Hey, look who's here!" someone called out as soon as he stepped into the precinct. Gavin looked up from his phone where he had been looking at memes for the drive to work. Nines had been so nice as to drive them here. Gavin hadn't felt like doing so himself. And he didn't want to get into some accident, because his meds decided to make him take a nap behind the wheel.  
Hank had greeted him loud enough so the whole office could hear. That might have been his intention, too, as everyone stopped what they were doing. It was a calm day, apparently, for them to stop working - and quite brave with Fowler around. But hey, why the hell not?  
"Hello, Hank," he greeted back, and made his way to his desk when that was done.  
His coworkers had different plans instead of simply letting him do his work now that he was back. Tina and Chris walked over, the man carrying a cup of coffee in his hand that he placed on the tabletop. They were smiling. They were happy to see him. Gavin felt joyous about that fact, but he couldn't will himself to express that. So he blankly stared up at them.  
Hank and Connor were at his side soon after, and somehow all the people around him didn't make him nervous as it used to.

"Eyy, Gav, glad to have you back here. It was getting boring without you around," Chris patted him on the shoulder.  
"Didn't have the guts to play your pranks on Hank, did you?" he answered. The detective raised his hand open-palmed behind his head, and as he expected, Nines took it, setting his fingertips gently on his palm before holding it. Touch was still new ground for him, as intimate as it was between them, but simply holding his partner's hand was enough. He needed the warmth the appendage provided.  
Connor chuckled, someone was actually amused by his comment! "No, they didn't."  
Tina crossed her arms, eyes switching between him and the android behind Gavin. "Sooo, you two are a thing now?" A grin spread over her face.  
Gavin searched for some sort of feeling of embarrassment within his body, raked his brain for anything familiar, but there was nothing except a sense of pride. He was proud to have a romantic partner after so many years. One that he trusted this certain way he struggled to before.  
He was still struggling, but who cared? To make progress, one just had to stop thinking, and start doing. So that's what he did. The pills helped with that. One step at a time.

"Yes. Jealous?"  
"Totally! Because I like dick so much."  
Chris looked over at their friend with shock painted over his face. Tina rolled her eyes: "That was sarcasm."  
Gavin shrugged: "Sounded pretty serious to me."  
"Oh, shut up!" She laughed.  
Hank and Connor exchanged dubious glances, seeing as the topic that was being discussed wasn't really in their interest, and tried to steer the conversation topic back to something less.. provocative.

"You're feeling better again?" Anderson asked, arms coming up to hug his chest. Connor stared at Gavin, waiting for his answer.  
"Yes. Taking some sort of antidepressant now."  
Nines looked at Connor unspeaking, and both their LEDs turned yellow. Gavin was pretty sure they were communicating right now about something that shouldn't be said out loud. But considering that the subject matter was most likely about him, he was curious. He'd ask when they were alone again.

Gavin let go of Nines' hand and rolled his chair closer to the edge of his desk. "I gotta get to work now. We all can catch up some other time." He didn't want to talk anymore. The words were too complicated to put together.  
"Alright, later," Tina pointed at him accusingly, "But I expect to hear every detail of your love-story."  
"I will gladly explain all the specifics of Nines fucking me in the ass last night," he didn't look up from his terminal to see his boyfriend's reaction, nor that of his friends.  
He could hear it though. Nines' sputtering as he quickly tried to clear that lie up: "I-I can assure we haven't done anything like that!" And Tina's and Chris' roaring laughter throughout the room. The golden team was silent in second-hand embarrassment, and walked off. Chris raised his hands in defeat, exclaiming: "Alright, I'll get back to work now." His reaction was amusing.  
"Okay, okay. You win, Gav. I won't ask," Tina gave up. "But it would be really nice to meet up soon. Maybe my upcoming birthday is the perfect occasion for that."  
Gavin took the mug with coffee and sipped at the hot beverage. "Hm.. I'm invited? You sure?"  
"Of course you are. And so is our favourite android."  
Hank yelled: "Second favourite!" Shortly after followed by a "Sorry, Nines."

Gavin just wanted to get to work already. He let his environment fade out to become background noise, and began searching the terminal for all the new cases he needed to catch up with.  
He didn't see the worried glances from his coworkers.

* * *

"Reed."  
_Hm.. what now?_  
He was busy working. The clicks of the keyboard sounded oddly distant for him sitting right in front of it, but he didn't dwell on it as his name was being called again. He looked up to see the precinct dark around him, and there was no one around. Who the hell just called him?  
" **Reed**!"

Gavin shot up from his desk, eyes blinded by the sudden burst of light. He blinked the sleepiness away as quickly as possible when realising who had yelled his name. Fowler. The precinct was bright and lit again, and there were people bustling around busily. He had fucking fallen asleep on the job. Just great. Even better, Fowler had caught him.

The detective looked up. "Sorry, sorry. Didn't realise I fell asleep."  
Fowler shook his head. "I know you must still be a little shaken up about all that has happened recently, but I am your boss. I have to make sure my employees do their work. Just see that you don't laze around during working hours again."  
"Yes, captain." He watched the man walk back to his office, running a hand through his hair. It was greasy again. Did he smell? He had taken a shower yesterday, hadn't he? Or was it two days ago?

"Sorry for not waking you up. You looked so adorably peaceful. Were you dreaming about something nice?" His favourite person, Nines, was still here, sitting across from him. Gavin forgot what he had been thinking about when he heard the calm voice.  
Gavin felt his cheeks flush at the comment. "I.. uh, I wouldn't say it was 'nice'. I dreamed of sitting at this desk. And I was working."  
Nines chuckled: "That indeed sounds rather.. boring, as you would put it. Don't worry about Fowler by the way. You've only slept 30 minutes during. I'm sure he just wanted to check on you, but didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."  
Maybe that was it. Didn't matter much though, as the stern talking-to consisted of only a few sentences this time, and not a damn novel as before. And Gavin really wasn't up for a lecture.

"What time is it?" he asked, rubbing the rest of his drowsiness off his face.  
"It's almost 6 PM. We can go home soon, but we have to go get some groceries before. And you will actively partake so you can tell me what you'd like to eat!"  
Ugh, he didn't want to go outside. He just wanted to laze around on the sofa, watch a movie and go to sleep.  
"Do we really have to?" he whined.  
"Yes, we do."  
"Phckin' fine then. But don't complain when I fall asleep in the store!" With that he turned his focus back to the task at hand.

They had finished their shift without further interruptions or emergency-naps, and were currently standing in front of the pet-necessity isles. They had already grabbed a few things; salad, tomatoes, thirium for Nines, etc. The basics.  
Gavin's partner carried the heavy basket as if it was nothing. It probably wasn't much of a weight for him.  
The detective couldn't really focus on buying food right now. His thoughts constantly drifted off to something else - and he didn't even know what he was thinking about.  
So instead, he let Nines choose the stuff.

Gavin jumped slightly when a hand settled firmly on his shoulder. He looked up at Nines, waiting for him to say something.  
But he just stared through the rows of packages of cat food, while his LED turned in yellow circles.  
He was about to say something, when the icy blues fixated on him. "We have to go. I just got a call from someone unknown. But they said they know where the red-ice circle currently is." The basket was set down on the floor carefully, but hurriedly, and he followed the android that was running out of the store.

What a great time to make a call. He was about to get home and sleep, and now - NOW - they chose to tell them so conveniently where the next meet-up of those gangsters would be. Of course he was thankful, if what had been told Nines was even true. Maybe it was just a trick. But as there hadn't been any other leads, they needed to risk it.

Androids disappear nearly every day, and they needed to find them, and put a stop to these fucking kidnappings.

Gavin wasn't sure where exactly they were driving, but he saw that their destination was somewhere near the woods - away from the hustle of the city, away from any sort of prying eyes.  
He didn't like this.

The car was parked on the side of a road leading right through the woods. Thick trees and bushes surrounded them. It was getting dark.  
"Nines, I don't say that often, but I _really_ don't have a good feeling about this," he mumbled as the motor was turned off.  
He played with the hem of his shirt nervously.  
"You're going to be okay. I'm here, after all. We'll just check the place out; there's supposed to be a barn somewhere around here. And if the information I received was right, we'll call reinforcements immediately." That sounded like a plan, but Nines' confident words didn't make him feel safer. He wasn't scared because of his own safety, but also concerned for that of his boyfriend's.  
"I.. alright. But make sure you hide your LED while we're out there. I don't want you getting us caught because of it."  
Gavin exited the car and grabbed his phone. He decided it would be best to inform one of their coworkers of their whereabouts. In case something went wrong. So a quick text to Tina with their location was his solution.

Nines waited patiently for him at the edge of the road, and he joined him as he trotted into the forest. The android had grabbed a hat from somewhere within his car and pulled it over his head. It hid the light on his temple.

They have been walking for ten minutes, when Gavin finally managed to spot lights in the distance. And he could make out yelling.  
He crouched lower to not be seen by the few people lingering outside of the wooden building. They looked like they were armed. And considering the noise that was getting louder the closer they crept forward, there probably were many more inside. Fuck.

"I've called for reinforcements. They should arrive here shortly," Nines whispered. He was a couple feet in front of him, hidden behind some shrubs.  
Gavin was happy to hear that.

They now were approximately 23 feet away. The armed guards haven't noticed their presence yet, their heads constantly moving like that of a security camera from left to right.  
Gavin really would have liked it to stay that way, but..

He took one step closer to sit next to Nines, when a piercing, cold shock went through his leg. He yelped out in pain as the fangs of the bear trap buried themselves into his shin. His hand had moved up out of reflex to stifle the scream, but he knew they must have heard. He was sure even God himself had heard that. He quickly fumbled with the trap's mechanism, but he was too weak to pry it open on his own. Big strong hands did it for him, and he looked up into Nines' eyes to thank him, when Gavin's gaze landed on the man behind him.  
He opened his mouth to warn him of the bat the man carried, but he didn't have a chance as the wood was swung down on his partner's head, knocking him out with surprising strength.

Gavin was terrified.

He pulled his injured leg closer to his body and went to grab his gun, but the heavy sensation of a barrel against the back of his head let him freeze.  
No, this couldn't be happening... This wasn't real. Please, God, don't let this be real! _Don't let them take him from me._

"Who do we have here? Cops?" The woman behind him spoke up.  
The gangster with the baseball bat kneeled next to Nines and pulled his hat off. "And an android, too! I've never seen this model before."  
"He looks capable enough. I'm sure the boss will be excited."

More people came over. He had to do something! But what could he possibly do against so many.. and without Nines?  
Gavin reached for his gun slowly. His shaking fingers already touched the cool metal of the grip, when he was pulled to the ground to lay on his back. The barrel of the loaded gun was now right up in his face.  
He had never felt so scared that he was unable to speak. He could come up with around 100 insults and 90% of those were quite creative in his opinion. But nothing would come out of his mouth. He couldn't risk them hurting his friend.

His leg hurt, his chest hurt. His eyes were burning.  
When would the others arrive? Couldn't they hurry up?!

"Mika, I think we should pack up. Scenario 3," the bat-swinging brat said.  
"Oh, good idea, R. Call me by my name in front of this asshole! Not like he's going to-" Sirens sounded in the distance. "Okay, let's go, boys. Business here's done! **Go go go**!"  
Her attention focused back on him. He watched her every move, suppressed the urge to call out for Nines in hope he would wake up as he was being carried away. He wanted to run after them, but he knew that would only shorten his lifespan significantly.

Her finger on the trigger twitched, when a walkie talkie fastened on her belt sounded up: "Boss don't want ya to shoot him, M."  
"What?! Wh- whatever. Fine," she groaned. What a psycho bitch. As if taking a life was this easy that she could be angry for not being "allowed" to do so.

"Goodnight, asshole," she grinned, before she swung the handle of the weapon down against his temple.


	15. I don't need sleep. I need answers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is Nines?  
> He has been with him, but.. he isn't there anymore!
> 
> He promised to be there for him, always. But now he's gone.
> 
> So Gavin does what anyone with the same amount of braincells would do: He goes and tries to find Nines himself, and he won't let anything stop him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.. My computer made a forced update without telling me, so all my tabs closed.  
> Let alone the fact that I now have to open every single one of my 27 needed tabs once more, my laptop made the decision by itself. I think it's deviant.
> 
> And I couldn't be more proud.

Gavin felt something soft beneath him. Leaves? Dirt?  
No, it felt smoother. A bed?

Had he only dreamt last night? God, please, let him be in his own bed with Nines next to him when he opened his eyes!

But as he forced his body awake, there was no Nines, and he was not in his bedroom, either. It was near pitch black in here, but the physical forms of furniture showed that he was somewhere unknown to him.  
He immediately felt a rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins. Had he been kidnapped as well?! Where was he? Where was Richard?  
Gavin looked down at his leg after pulling the soft blanket off of his tired body. It was bandaged, and every little motion hurt as if the bear trap was still clamping down around it with its cold metal jaw.  
But he didn't care. He had to leave and find his partner.

The detective forced himself to get up, the room spinning near violently while his leg didn't help him much to keep his body upright. He felt nauseous.  
He placed his hands against the wall closest to him and limped towards the outline of the closed door.  
His shaking hand was already reaching for the knob, when someone on the other side did before him, and Gavin recoiled, landing on his ass on the hard floorboards.  
He could only make out an LED, pure and calm blue. It turned yellow when the android set his sights on him, and he desperately crawled back towards the corner of the room next to the bed. Whoever it was stepped closer, LED turned a dangerous red.  
"N-no! D-don't come any closer!" he croaked in vain. If that android wanted to hurt him, then his pleas would fall on deaf ears anyway. He couldn't run either, with his fucking useless leg.

He was _frightened_. 

_Scared_. _Irrational_.

"Gavin, it's okay. You're safe." He knew that calm voice. He thought so anyways.  
The light was switched on and he blinked involuntarily. He didn't want to let the man out of his sight.  
When he got used to the onslaught of sudden luminescence - which took much longer than usual - he saw Connor standing in front of him, a worried expression on his face. He wore a simple hoodie and jeans.  
Gavin scanned his surroundings, seeing that it wasn't some fucked up, cold cell. No room for kidnapped people; a bed, desk and a charging pod. Simple. Was he in Connor's room?

"Where am I? Where's Nines?" There were so many questions going through his mind, but these two were the loudest.  
Connor stepped closer once more, and this time the injured man did not shy away. He knelt down and helped Gavin to sit back down on the bed. "You're at Hank's house. My room to be more specific." Ah, and what about his second question? He knew the android had fucking heard it.  
Gavin held his head and leaned forward when vertigo overtook him once more as he stood up way too fast for his brain to catch up.  
He heard Connor call out for him and firm hands grabbed him by his shoulders. Something in him got very angry at that gesture.

**Only Nines was allowed to touch him. He didn't want the fucking RK800 to help him!**

Gavin growled with rage bubbling up within him. He pushed the other away, and consequently fell back down to the floor.  
His head pulsated, the piercing sensation focusing on his temple and forehead. It forced his eyes to close and open his mouth in a silent scream. It was as if someone was repeatedly stabbing the side of his brain with a pair of scissors.

When the android once more tried to reach for him, Gavin spit with as much venom as he could muster up: " **Don't phcking touch me, asshole!** "  
"Gavin, please cal-"  
"SHUT UP! Unless you're gonna tell me where in the flying phck Nines is!" He pulled himself onto the bed. He felt miserable, already suspecting the answer by the way the other looked at him. But fury kept him energetic enough to stay awake, when all he wanted to do was to pass out again and wake up with his boyfriend at his side.  
Whatever noise he had made attracted the next asshole; Anderson entered the room. He hated his pitying look. He wanted to punch him in the face.

"Shut the hell up, Reed, and calm down. You won't make the conversation go any faster if you keep behaving like a bitch," the lieutenant informed him oh-so politely.  
"Where. Is. He?" he asked once more, eyes boring into blue, tired eyes.  
"That's what we'd like to know of you, actually." The old man was at least smart enough to not talk to him in a condescending way like his partner had. He was injured, not a fucking baby.  
Nines was apparently gone. And it was his fault.

The anger amplified at the memories of his partner getting knocked out and him just... just fucking sitting there.  
He was glad to feel anger once again after such a long time of mere numbness, but the feeling was directed at himself.  
Gavin gripped his hair tightly and pulled as he leaned forward in pain and guilt.  
"They took him! That fucking bitch said that he was 'capable enough' or some bullshit like that. And I just phcking sat there watching!" He let go of his hair and looked up. "We have to find him quickly before they decide to kill him!" He wouldn't be able to live with himself anymore if Nines died. It was his fault he was gone, and he would damn well find and bring him back!

But Anderson had different plans, that arrogant prick: "You're not doing anything except heal and make your statement on what you saw, Reed. You got a few hits to your head, and can barely stand straight." Ah, yes. The old "people telling him what he shall and shan't do"-game. How he missed it.  
"Oh, shut your mouth, grandpa! I am feeling just peachy. I will **not** sit by idly while my partner is out there probably getting drained off his blood at this very **phckin' moment**!" Anderson looked like he wanted to hit him; Gavin wouldn't stop him. He deserved it. Not for what he was saying, but for what he had done... he had killed his partner. His lover.

But something in Hank's expression changed, a softer look in his weary eyes. The detective was curious for the reason of that. He wiped his cheeks out of reflex when sensing the hot tears rolling down.  
Connor sat down on the bed next to him, and reached out a hand to comfort him - or to do anything equally useless. He pushed himself away, pulling the blanket up over his head.  
"Just leave me alone!" he couldn't hold back the heartbreak his voice exuded. Quiet gasps, shaky breaths. He didn't want to cry.  
He wanted to find Nines. He wanted to hug and kiss him, and know that he was safe.  
Gavin wanted to feel safe.

But he was scared. What if he would never see him again? How could he possibly go on with his life with his partner gone? He, who had helped him through so much after proving he couldn't do it alone?

He saw the lights getting turned off, and heard the door being closed. He assumed he was alone now.  
More alone than ever before.

Gavin wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, nor how long, but he was damn positive about the fact that it had been a restless nap and a fucking huge waste of time.  
Instead of slumbering, he could have sat at his terminal and built a mindmap of what he had seen and heard. Analysed evidence they had gathered and draw possible connections.

But here he was: In the house of his rivals with a bandage around his leg, and a giant bruise on the right side of his forehead, and a laceration on his temple from the gun. He didn't know where the bruise had come from, but it was most likely from the bat-swinging dick called "R".  
Gavin suspected that he had some sort of concussion - whether it was severe or not would show itself if he passed out in the middle of the precinct again or not. Because hell would break loose if he wouldn't show up there soon. Or worse: If he were sent home.

He sat up on the bed slowly. It was just getting bright outside. Perfect. He hadn't slept the day away.  
Before going to the precinct he would need to go home and feed Ava, then take a shower and maybe put on some non-bloody clothes.

Someone knocked on the door and opened it shortly after. Connor entered with a tray. Breakfast, probably. Gavin was not hungry.  
"Good morning, Gavin. I heard you're already awake. Would you like to eat som-"  
"No, thanks. I'll go now. And don't call me that." Maybe he should also show his thanks for them letting him stay here, but he didn't feel like it.  
"G- Detective Reed, I really would advise you to stay in bed and rest a little while longer."  
Gavin got up regardless, pushing the feeling of his twisting stomach down. "And I'd advise you to let me leave, before things get ugly."

Connor's LED circled yellow for a few seconds. "Please, Detective Reed. I understand you want to find Richard, but so do we. You-" He really wasn't in the mood to let people speak their mind today, was he?  
"Don't phcking pretend to know me, asshole!" he interrupted once more. He stepped closer, jamming his finger into Connor's chest. "I will not stay here, nor will I listen to your damn mothering, got it?"  
With that he walked out of the room, ignoring Hank's disappointed stare following him out of the house.

He had had enough time to mentally prepare himself for the onslaught of comments from his coworkers that were undoubtedly going to be around him being a giant asshole who had let down his partner. Killed him by his inaction.  
So he was near disappointed that his peers weren't going to fuel his building rage, and instead looked at him with apologetic expressions. He just snarled back.

Gavin still was unbelievably angry, the pain of his injured leg and head nagging on his nerves further. He was trying his best to hide his limp, but it was obvious they saw. They knew. They knew he had just _watched_ while his boyfriend was taken from him!

The detective let himself plop down on his chair and turned on the terminal. Why was the damn machine taking so fucking long to turn on?!  
He had just opened up the notes application to write down what he had heard and seen, when someone called for him.

"REED!" Fowler. Just what he needed.  
He refused to look up. He was busy.

He begrudgingly pushed himself away from his desk when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
"What the hell are you doing here, Reed?" Fowler looked angry. Good, he was, too!  
"Working, obviously," he hissed back, arms in front of his chest.  
"Don't get sassy with me. You are injured. You should be resting, and not sitting at your desk trying to solve the case you're not even on!"  
Gavin's eyes widened. "Excuse me? What do you mean I'm not on the case? My phcking boyfriend got kidnapped; I **am** on the case!"  
"Because your partner is involved being the very reason you won't snoop around. You'll give your statement so Anderson and Connor know who they're searching for and-"  
Gavin shot up from his chair. "NO! You can't do this! I won't sit here with my thumb up my ass while Nines is out there!" He was furious. He knew that being so emotionally involved in a case like this could lead to problems, but he just couldn't stand by nonchalantly while waiting for his boyfriend to just.. suddenly turn up one day. Dead.  
Fowler slammed his hand on his desk, the loud sound actually making him flinch a little. "I can and I will, Reed. And if I don't see you complying in the next half hour, I might as well suspend you without pay. Would you like that more?"

Why were they all trying to stop him? He just wanted to know that Richard was okay.  
But all he got were pitying looks from his colleagues, and getting told to rest. Always fucking rest! He had rested enough for the lifetime. And without Nines there wouldn't be a lifetime worth living, either!  
"I don't care! Do what you want. I will find him, and if that's the last thing I'm going to do!" he yelled back, fists clenching so tight that his palms hurt where his nails dug into the skin. The temporary pain helped to clear his head and calm him enough to not punch the man in front of him. "I would also work with your golden team, I don't give a shit! All I want is to find him as quickly as possible."

Fowler didn't say anything for what seemed like eternity. Then he sighed and rubbed his hand over his tired face. "Fine. You can work with them occasionally. You will **not** go with them to any crime scenes, and I want you home and resting until you're feeling better, understood? This is the only deal you're gonna get, Reed. Take it or leave it."  
It wasn't the best outcome, but it was far better than getting suspended and not having any way to work with his files and notes on his terminal.

And really, he had some ideas on how to spend his free time.

"Fine, it's a deal."

As if on cue, Hank and his puppy in android form arrived.  
Fowler leaned closer: "Now you'll give your statement, and then you're out of here." With that he walked off.

Gavin stared after him. His head was still throbbing from how high his heart rate had been just now. He needed to sit down.

He turned to the two approaching him.  
They looked rather.. troubled to see him here. Why though? He had told them he would be here - being productive.  
"You shouldn't strain yourself, Detective," Connor started. But Gavin really didn't want to hear this crap.  
"Yeah, whatever. Let's just get this done with so I can go home and 'rest' as you want me to."  
Hank looked pleasantly surprised about his willingness to comply finally. But Gavin wouldn't underestimate the lieutenant. He hadn't become a detective for no reason. He saw the light flicker of suspicion glimmer in his wise eyes.

* * *

"Elijah, there's someone at the door for you," the blonde woman informed him with her calm voice. But there was a small smile on her face.  
He looked up from the newspaper he was reading near the pool and got up.  
"Who is it?" He wasn't expecting anyone.  
"It's your brother."  
"Let him in."

Elijah watched Gavin walk in, paler than ever before and a limp to his stride. What had he gotten himself into this time?  
He loved his brother with all his heart, and despite his collected exterior, he was extremely worried.

"Sit down," he offered the armchair next to his own, and the other gladly dropped down on it. "What happened to your head?"  
"Oh, the usual," he shrugged, "nasty bar fight." He didn't believe him. But getting his brother to spill the tea had never been easy before, and it wouldn't be now.  
"Sad to hear you still give into the urge to drink. But everyone has their vices, I suppose," Elijah said instead, playing along with the farce. He signed for Chloe to bring them something to drink.

"Is there anything you need? I doubt you came here to catch up for old times' sake."  
His little brother chucked: "Yeah, there is. Could you spare me a camera? And maybe help me to find a computer that's encrypted enough to let me go unnoticed on... extraordinary websites?"  
Oh, what had he gotten himself into?  
"I may be able to help you with that, but only if you'll tell me what's going on. I want to know you're safe. Where is Richard, by the way?"  
Gavin kept quiet and his face darkened at the question.

"Did you two have a fight?"  
"Oh no, you're a few chapters behind," Gavin leaned forward, hiding his face behind his hands. He looked miserable. "We got a call yesterday, telling us where to find a group of criminals we've been searching for a while now. Nines and I went there alone, and.. well-" he stopped talking for a moment to collect his thoughts, "I got us caught. They took him, and left me there to get found by my colleagues with these two beauty marks on my head." It was clear as day to Elijah that Gavin was blaming himself. And now he wanted to find the RK900 gone missing.

"Gavin, I'm not sure you working on this alone is a goo-" "Don't try to stop me, Eli. If you won't help, I'll just find another way. You know that."  
His little brother was right.  
The inventor let out an exasperated sigh and took the cup of tea offered to him by his assistant.  
"Very well then. I will get you what you're asking for. But before you leave: I'd like to ask you some questions. Involving the RK900 model."  
"Call him by his name!"  
"As you wish," he sipped the hot beverage before continuing to speak.

"How are you two getting along? It seems you have grown quite close."  
"What kind of question is that?!" Gavin asked bewildered. Embarrassed, even.  
"An interesting one. Just like your reaction is. I will take it you like him very much."  
Gavin blushed and looked away, rubbing his cheeks to hide the shame of having been caught being infatuated by Richard.  
"Don't worry, little brother. I didn't ask to make you feel bad. I am just curious. I'm actually happy to know that Richard has managed to fulfil his mission."  
"Don't say it like that! He's not just a machine, Elijah!" his brother stood up from the seat quickly, but he swayed slightly, and the inventor got up to help him back down.  
"From what I knew of you mere months ago, it didn't seem like you stood for that maxim. I do apologise for being so tactless, but this is the scientist talking from within me."  
"Well, then tell your little scientist to shut the hell up! As you already said yourself: I have feelings for him, okay? I l.. I love him, and I am phcking worried about him now that he's gone!"  
He saw that. Gavin had never before looked so distressed, except for when his mother had died. Did he already believe that the RK900 was dead? If that was indeed the case, the consequences for his brother's mental health could be disastrous. Let alone it couldn't be fixed by simply giving him a perfect copy of the same model. He wouldn't accept it.

"Alright.. how are you doing over all? I found out that you've been at a psychiatrical ward. You've even been prescribed antidepressants. I hope you won't stop taking them now that Richard is gone."  
Gavin glared at him. "You've been snooping around in my private life? What the phck is wrong with you?"  
"Nothing else other than my great concern for you. The reason I made the android for you in the first place."  
The other just looked down at the floor, massaging his hands in an attempt to calm his nerves. "I'm doing fine, Eli. I'm just a bit shaken up about what had happened. I won't.. do anything."  
Elijah offered a comforting smile. "That's good to hear."

He placed the cup back down on the tray and called Chloe over.  
"Please bring my brother a camera, one easy to carry, while I am gone."  
With that he disappeared into one of the adjacent rooms.

* * *

Gavin sat at his desk in his bedroom, blinds drawn and only the display of the gifted computer lighting up the space.

Two days had passed now, with him occasionally puking his guts out and taking the seldom one-hour-naps thanks to the minor concussion. His leg still cramped sometimes and he needed to sit down.  
But his health wasn't worrying. He was able to move, and think; and that was all that mattered.  
He may or may not have forgotten to take his meds. His daily schedule wasn't bound to morning or evening anymore, but to how many sites he was looking through on the web and when he passed out in his chair.

Until now he had gathered a good chunk of hypothesises. He had shot photos of all the evidence he could gather while hiding from Anderson and Connor as he basically trespassing into the crime scenes. The few officers that barely knew him hadn't caught on to his lies as he said he was there to pick up on some more evidence.

One thing that had struck him as odd was what Mika had said. Nines was apparently "capable". Automatically posing the question: Capable of/for what?

  * carrying out crimes for the group? kidnapping other victims? (if so, how would they get the androids to do what they wanted?)
  * fighting?



That point was a little far-fetched. But Gavin remembered the sounds from days ago clearer now: It had sounded like fighting - heavy objects or people being lifted and thrown -, next to the occasional screams and cheers. And that also fit the statement of their anonymous caller.  
There had been tables, as seen on the imprints left by the legs in the barn, as well as the warehouse. Both places had something in common, too. Both locations were wide-spaced. Big enough to hold a big crowd, with thirium in the middle of the space. Gavin suspected that there also were enough stains left in the dirt of the barn, but he hadn't asked Connor yet, and he would refrain from doing so until he had enough leads and ideas.

That was where the computer he had asked for helped. It wasn't easy to get into the deep web, especially when you're someone like Gavin, who only knows the workings of terminals at work. A place where one does not simply log into the deep web to casually surf around and look for things.

The sick shit Gavin saw as he looked around the websites was ignored with the help of coffee and occasional toilet breaks once he had actually managed to find the URL. If he were to spend all day looking through this shithole, he wouldn't come out with his sanity intact.  
The first site he entered alone had made him want to puke; a forum where people acquired information about anyone. Addresses, phone numbers, even photos. It was disgusting to imagine that he would scroll down enough to see his own name displayed next to the strangers' faces.

Gavin had to keep his focus though. He was searching for something specific. Something related to androids, and maybe some sort of boxing. He was convinced his theory of a secret android boxing competition was right.  
It fit with Mika's comment. The last android they had found was a burly one, strong, and able to fight. Nines was a powerful model as well. He was "capable". Once he had the opportunity again, he would look through the case files at the precinct, collect all the information they had on missing androids that looked like they could carry out a fight.

A quiet meow pulled him out of his daze just after he clicked on a link with the name "Blue Room - Checkin"  
Gavin looked down at Ava, who was beginning to loudly complain about something.  
"What is it, princess? Are you hungry again?" He got up and walked to the kitchen. Her food and water bowl were still full enough. What did she want?  
The kitty jumped up on the kitchen counter and stretched her clawed paw out to him.  
"Does my little princess want attention?" He reached his hand towards her to give her a pat on the head, but she suddenly hissed and jumped off the counter space.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, as if expecting an answer that was actually in his language. The cat only trotted towards the fridge, sat down and tapped against the surface of the appliance.  
"You can't have human food, you know that." He knelt down to pick her up, but she hissed at him once again. What had gotten into her? Did she hate him, too? Just like he hated himself for being responsible for his boyfriend's death? "What do you want, damnit?!"  
He opened the fridge door slowly, waiting for some sort of reaction that would show him he wasn't supposed to do that, but she sat still, watching him as he looked through the contents.

When was the last time he had eaten something anyways? He couldn't recall.  
Gavin knew he had to be strong if he wanted to find Nines, but he couldn't will himself to eat anything. Too heavy were the memories of him getting taken away, laying in his stomach like boulders.  
"Sorry, Ava, but I fear I can't comply with your wish this time." He shut the door again and went back to his computer.

The website was designed simple, but elegant. Blue and silver lining on black background, displaying the options of whether he wanted to log in, or enter the chat as a guest. He clicked the second option and was immediately greeted with further links and articles to click on.

"About us"  
"Photos"  
"High ranking members"  
"Current fighters"  
"Chat"

Gavin chose to go through the pictures first.  
They showed exactly what he had imagined to find: Androids. As opponents in some sort of DIY boxing ring. The same things were shown on most photos. People, humans, were surrounding two competitors. Both androids did not look content with what was happening.  
Other photos showed Red Ice, yet another was taken of a drained android, lying limply on a steely table.

Wait...  
Gavin scrolled a few pictures up again.  
The dead android was shown in one match. Why had it been completely drained if it was used to fight?  
Fuck, it was getting hard to think. He needed a break, but...  
He had to find him.

So Gavin pushed on, taking photos of the screen before him with his phone, and taking further notes.

* * *

"Okay, so why do you think that it is some sort of fucked up boxing match?" Hank asked, looking up at Gavin expectantly.  
"Because that's the most plausible explanation!" he answered near indignantly. What, only because he was younger his opinions and ideas didn't count?!

He had been back at the precinct for five days now. One week his boyfriend had been missing now, and whenever he checked the website at home, there were no new photos or articles about an RK900 having gotten beaten in a match. He hoped it would stay that way, even if other androids still had to suffer.  
Gavin had yet to be discovered snooping around the deep web, and no one in the chat had voiced his guest-entry either.

"You sound like I'm supposed to know what the fuck you're talking about! Do you know things we don't?"  
Connor sat at the terminal, currently going through the missing android cases to draw a connection between the more robust models that had been taken. Just as Gavin had advised him to do; at least someone was listening to him.

"I just.. think that I am right, okay? Call it instinct." He wasn't going to drop the big bomb of him illegally surfing the deep web yet. Maybe never if he could prevent that.  
"Lieutenant Anderson," the old man looked over to his partner, "even if the stronger models have gone missing on a regular basis for a year, there had been an increase of missing cases in the last six months."  
Gavin flipped Hank off. "Told ya so!"  
"Yeah, yeah, shut your trap! Just keep us updated on other things you find out."  
"Only if you do the same," he replied and walked back to his desk.

His stomach was growling painfully, and he walked to the break room to get a coffee first before sitting back down at his desk.

Only to find another unsigned letter directed at him next to the terminal.  
It only said his name, read the address of the precinct, and that was it.  
Smelled like another prank from his coworkers. And how strong the smell was!

Gavin took it carefully, shaking it lightly to maybe hear some of the glitter jangling around, but he couldn't hear anything. So he opened it.

There was a note inside, written by hand in elegantly curved letters.

_This is the first warning._

What the fuck?  
Gavin was too tired for this bullshit. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. Had he just found out he had been caught snooping around? If so, then he was in grave danger - and Nines was in more trouble. He wouldn't be able to infiltrate them anymore, won't find out about possible meeting spaces. Fuck!

As he slammed the empty envelope back onto the table, he discovered that what the inside wasn't as empty as he had suspected.  
Gavin's heart rate picked up rapidly, and he feared the consequences of his careless actions would take him to the grave in the next few minutes; as well as put his colleagues in danger.

His hands began to shake, and he looked up to see if Connor was around. Someone that wouldn't be affected by whatever white powder that had been in the letter.  
Gavin's muscles hurt all over, and it took him a while to find the right words. Ultimately they hadn't been chosen well anyway as he screamed: " **Everyone leave the** **precinct! Do not come close to this area!** "  
People stared at him, and Gavin yelled at them: " **Get the phck out of here, you idiots!** "

Hank and Connor were walking over to see what was wrong, but he lifted his arms to stop them: "Don't come any closer! I think I've been sent some sort of pois-"  
The detective's muscles screamed at him to move, his body giving his brain orders it couldn't process. Control was taken from him by force, and he dropped to the floor, back arching and limbs cramping painfully. He gasped in shock, his head hitting the cold tiles beneath with a loud thump.

He tried to take deep breaths, but it was as if something heavy had been placed on his chest and hindered every inhale he attempted.  
Someone ordered to call an ambulance, shortly followed by many footsteps that lead to the exit of the building.  
Gavin blinked his eyes again and again, trying to make sense of up and down, but whenever he felt like he got a grip on his sense of balance, it was taken with another wave of painful trembles throughout his back and neck.  
Connor was hovering above him suddenly, and the man couldn't help but feel _scared_. He was so _horrifically afraid_. What was happening to him? What.. what-

Gavin groaned loudly in pain, legs kicking out involuntarily, and he heard the legs of the desk next to him screech against the ground.  
"Gavin? Gavin, listen to me!" It was hard to pay attention when his whole body was on fucking fire! But he looked up into the android's brown eyes either way; the best he could.  
"There is an ambulance on the way. You've inhaled a small amount of strychnine, but do not worry - even though the symptoms are quite potent-" More spasming. He breathed faster. He was panicking. Why was he panicking?! If he did, whatever was in him would only spread faster! He needed to calm down. He needed Nines to calm him! He needed- he needed-

A sharp slap to his face brought him back to reality.  
"Gavin, listen! The symptoms might be potent, but there is a high chance of survival - especially with the paramedics arriving in about one minute."  
High chance of survival? Didn't fucking feel like it. He was dying, in one of the most painful ways he could have ever imagined. His nerves were all sending impulses to his brain that it couldn't fucking deal with, and it left him immobile, unthinking, unwilling.  
He wanted to say something, tell Connor to find Nines for him if he was going to die, but his throat seized painfully. He cried out.

He didn't want to die like this.

_He didn't want to die at all!_

Couldn't unconsciousness finally claim him?  
Just.. let him sleep.

But it wasn't easy. It was never that easy.  
The paramedics arrived, all wearing some sort of mask to protect them from the poisonous substance he had so idiotically exposed everyone and himself to.  
He was lifted onto a stretcher, and belts fastened around his body. He continued to jerk around on it, as if he was trying to flee. But it wasn't his conscious doing.  
Connor was walking with him, and he somehow felt comforted about that in this moment. Even if he didn't see the strong resemblance between Richard and Connor anymore, it was nice to just pretend it was his lover.

"B.. brea-," he choked out, hoping they would get the memo of his lungs slowly failing him.  
By the time he was in the vehicle he couldn't feel his arms or legs anymore, he didn't know what they were doing, but they had definitely checked out already.

The last thing he saw before everything got too dark to make out was Connor's silhouette and a breathing mask being lowered towards his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually did some research on poisons.  
> Found something, did research, and today in biology class we were told to do research for a specific drug called strychnine... guess who already did it out of sheer curiosity?
> 
> Yay, me.


	16. What did it cost?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First warning.  
> Gavin refuses to listen.  
> Second warning.
> 
> He will find him, and he will bring him back in one piece. 
> 
> Forced before a horrible dilemma later on, to make a decision so sacrificial.  
> All he wants is to be with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING BUT ALSO SPOILER  
> Death of an animal  
> (Light) gore

"Ah, look who's waking up already! Once again defying the doctor's diagnosis and exceeding all expectations."  
Who. The. Fuck. Was talking to him? Gavin didn't want to wake up yet, not when his whole body felt so numb.  
The room he woke up in just had to be that in a hospital. Fucking great. He might as well start to decorate it and put a name on his bed just so the nurses knew where to put him next time he got carried here.

"Tina?" It was difficult to speak with the oxygen mask over his lower face, but he was still loud enough for his friend to hear him. She looked at him with those dark, warm eyes. A comfort he needed right now - a feeling of safety with the knowledge and fear of someone being close at the very moment, someone who could be watching him. Someone other than Tina.

_This is the first warning._

"What happened? Am I.. am I gonna be okay?" he croaked past his dry lips.  
The woman smiled at him reassuringly and nodded. "Yes. You reacted quick enough for the poison to be counteracted, so it didn't do much."  
She got off the chair she had been sitting in and walked to the door. "I'll just quickly notify the nurses that you've woken up, okay?"  
That was exactly something Gavin did not want right now. Or ever again until this group of criminals had been caught. "N-no! Don't go." He reached out to her, but instead of lifting his arm, only his wrist managed to move, leaving his fingers to dangle in an odd position. "Please, don't... don't leave me alone!" Maybe it was a mix of fatigue and leftover shock from what had happened, but he really, _really_ didn't want to be left alone and unwatched in his current condition. Not under any circumstances.  
Tina's expression turned to concern, and she sat back down, instead pressing the button to call for a nurse. His trembling hand was soon in his friend's and he closed his eyes, able to relax for a couple more seconds when someone entered the room - Gavin forced his eyes open to see who it was. They looked like a nurse, but were they really?

"Good evening, Mr. Reed. How are you feeling?" The male nurse asked, taking the clipboard hanging from the end of the bed and pulling out a pen from his break pocket.  
Gavin wanted him to leave. He didn't need to be asked how he was when still hooked up to this damn machine! He needed to find his partner. He needed to be up and walking, and not bound to this fucking hospital bed!  
"When can I..," he inhaled, "leave?"  
Tina gently squeezed his hand. "Gavin, that should be the least of your concerns right now. You have to recover properly if you want to find Richard."  
He felt anger grow inside of him like a parasite feeding off of its host, and he was too weak to hold the next words back, as breathless as they sounded: "Don't you phckin'.. mention his name! ..You don't know.. what the hell you're.. you're talking about! So just shut up!" He pulled his hand away from hers. And to top it all off: "GO! LEAVE ME THE PHCK ALONE! EVERYONE! I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOU!"

Why did the worry in her eyes only strengthen, when it should be one of disgust at his behaviour? Gavin couldn't stand it - he literally couldn't fucking stand!  
The nurse lifted his hands in a calming manner, but it only made the detective madder. "It is rather late, I will come back in the morning. Ms. Chen, it would be best to let Mr. Reed rest for now."

The woman looked between the two of them, before letting out a quiet sigh and getting off the chair.  
"I brought you some clothes," was the only thing she said before leaving together with that stranger. Darkness filled the room with a flick of the light switch, and it pressed in on him sinisterly.

Gavin stared up at the ceiling for an eternity and a half, listening to his surroundings, categorising them into normal and usual sounds. He didn't care for the occasional bustling of nurses passing by, nor did it worry him to hear the toilet of his neighbouring room flush, but every time there were quiet and calculated footsteps coming towards his door he watched the door with wide eyes; as if that would make the room any less dim.  
But no one entered his room. No one even stopped before his room, always walking past.

The rest of the night was spent gawking at the door with terror settling in his every nerve, and only the pink discolouration of the morning sky was able to bring him out of his hyper focused trance.  
Why was he even so terrified? Of what?  
Having philosophised the whole night about yesterday's events had taken the meaning of his thought words. Like when one repeated the same word over and over for some time, the importance and understanding for his thoughts had washed away to only be a mild concern in the back of his mind.

He had to go home.

He had to find Nines.

With a pain-filled groan and shaking limbs he managed to lift his upper body off the bed, eyes fixed on the door.

* * *

The light of the screen before his face stung his eyes, but he didn't care.

He had to find him, needed to see him safe before him. Alive.

Connor had messaged him, told him - _him_ \- that he was acting irrational.  
 _"He had needed to stay at the hospital longer."_  
 _"He needed to take care of himself."_  
 _"He needed to pick up the phone."_

_"He needed to stop his **obsession**."_

Gavin wasn't fucking obsessed, he was okay. It was the fact that Nines was currently not okay that made him work through night and day. That made him power through his sleepiness, his hunger, his anxiety; the latter nibbling more and more on his brain the more seconds and minutes and hours, even days, passed by, sometimes seeing _something_ hush by in the corner of his eye. Nothing was there whenever he checked. Sometimes he swore he could hear footsteps at his door, but there was never a knock. And whenever he stood in the hallway silently and still, waiting for an intruder to show up, no one entered.

His investigation had been going slow, as he wanted to wait a little before entering the chatroom again, but when he finally dared to do so once more, his heart nearly stopped: There was an address in the chat!  
He couldn't believe it! He finally had a lead.

Gavin was about to exit the website after having written down the place and time they would meet again, when something odd caught his attention. There on the screen... his cursor moved.  
He grabbed the mouse, shaking it lightly to see if there was some sort of issue with the damn thing, but the small arrow kept moving on its own.  
Until it came to a halt above an icon with a blue dot in the middle. He tilted his head, wondering if his computer was broken, but then the button was clicked, and it opened a smaller window, showing Gavin's exhausted face in the camera.  
His expression turned to shock when seeing glowing eyes behind him, and he yelped, falling of the chair as he scrambled towards the wall.

There was no one behind him. What the hell? Was he..  
Fuck, the camera!

He jumped up and violently closed the computer to prevent any of those sickos to see more of him or his home.

Fuck.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

They knew. They fucking knew!

 _First Warning._ That with the poison had been the first. And now they knew he had continued to snoop around.

Dread filled his empty chest, making all his muscles tense. There was a quiet ringing in his ears.  
Gavin scrambled for his phone, already opening the chat with Connor when all his movements froze. He.. he couldn't tell him. He couldn't tell anyone. What if they killed Nines?  
But what if the second warning was going to be the last?! Then no one would find him!  
He had to tell someone.

So the detective decided to write the place, date and time with trembling fingers, hitting the send-button after a little more time of contemplation.  
Then he grabbed the gun from his desk's drawer, making sure it was loaded, before slowly making his way towards his living room. He hated how scared he was, hated how the horror he felt in his body only increased the longer he stood before the closed door.   
It was nighttime. It was quiet in the building, so he should be able to hear anyone breaking in. Maybe he should hide in the bathroom with Ava?  
No, that would be a dead end if one were to come in.

He had never felt so watched before. And it was terrifying. If only Nines was here to make him feel safe.  
But he wasn't. He was alone.

No.. he wished he was completely alone. The great concern was more so of someone he couldn't see within the darkest corners of his home. And currently every light was off. So he flicked the one in the bedroom on, eyes moving left to right hastily as if already expecting someone to stand there. But the room was empty besides of him.  
Now to check all other rooms...  
His hand really didn't want to press down the door handle. What if someone was already standing there?

He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Not now.  
With a few motivational words along the lines of "pussy" and "coward", he finally brought himself to step through and turn on the lights quickly.  
Empty of any lifeforms, except for his little princess, who was grooming herself on top of the sofa.  
Gavin walked to the door and locked it twice, then made sure all the windows were closed as well and the curtains drawn.

Then he sat down on the couch, gun in hand, waiting.

Never before had he felt so scared of someone breaking and entering, of murdering him in his own home.  
That scene with his computer getting hacked and just.. exposing him to _everyone_ behind the screens in the chat... He wanted Nines. Damn hell, he was ready to call Connor at this point, but too great was the shame of having been caught doing all this illegal shit.  
He hoped that if he were still alive the next day, that this next meeting of the group would still be accurate. So that all of this hadn't been for nothing.

Ava comforted him greatly by settling down to nap on his lap, just curling up like the cute kitty she was.  
He stroked her soft fur.

Gavin flailed awake, terror settling in every fibre of his body when realisation hit him that he must have fallen asleep. It couldn't have been long - he still felt dead tired.  
But he was less concerned about his sleeping schedule, as the most worrisome fact was the lights. They were out.

He immediately went to grab his gun, but it wasn't there.  
His eyes searched the room for anything maybe standing there, looming in front, next, behind him. But he didn't see anyone in the darkness.  
That was when he noticed one of his windows opened. He froze, just staring at it, as if he could will it to close with some sort of godly power, but it didn't budge.  
The detective went to get up slowly, when he heard something light hit the ground. It sounded like paper.  
His phone's screen was bright enough to light up a small proximity of the area around him, but Gavin wouldn't be so dumb as to search for anything on the ground while in the obscurity of his own home. He turned on the light.  
There was a note underneath his coffee table, the same cursive writing, black on white.

 _Second Warning.  
_ _You've been bad, detective._

Was he going to get poisoned again?  
He turned around quickly, turning his head in all directions as if expecting someone to suddenly jump him, but there was still a lack of threats around his apartment.

Once his nerves calmed a little, he smelled it.  
Blood. He was used to the smell, but it sickened him nonetheless.

"Ava?" he called out weakly, voice shaking slightly. He got off the floor and looked around for his cat.  
"Princess? Where are you?" Gavin's body was unharmed. He wasn't the one bleeding.

He kneeled down before his pet's little house in the cat tree, the scarf he used to hang over the entry to give his cat the privacy hindering him to see inside.  
Why he didn't pull the fabric away, he wasn't sure. Maybe he was expecting the worst, as the metallic smell seemed to come from there. He reached inside, feeling the soft fur of Ava's paw on his fingertips.  
He gently held onto it as he pulled just as carefully. Her arm was limp, and so was her head.

Oh no... please.

Gavin wanted to hold her, already grieving the loss of his pet. **They had killed her, these goddamn, fucking monsters!**  
Tears formed in the corners of his eyes.  
"No... no, no, no..."

The man screamed at what he saw when he had pulled her lifeless body out of the tree halfway. And he couldn't stop screaming, scrambling back out of fright at what he saw in front of him: Ava was _cut in half_ , her organs hitting the ground making a disgusting squelching sound as she was dropped by him out of reflex.  
Red liquid flowed out her tiny body, colouring his floorboard near black. It was all black to him. The whole world had gone dark, slowed down as he watched the blood pool around her torso.  
He felt sick, and he leaned to the side, dry-heaving until his stomach cramped painfully. Crying until all tears had been spilled, and his breaths came in uncontrollable gasps.

Oh god, he had indirectly killed his cat. If he would have just been more careful, or just stopped snooping around! Now she was..  
Gavin couldn't bring himself to look at her without beginning to scream his lungs raw again. He hated how her intestines were exhibited and on display outside of her body, when they should have never seen he light of his living room lamp.

He sniffed up the snot, wiped it on his shirtsleeve.

He was truly alone now.  
His partner was gone. His cat was gone.

WHO ELSE WERE THEY GOING TO TAKE?  
TINA, CHRIS, CONNOR, HANK?

He didn't want to think about it.  
Gavin felt something within him wither away, dry out and die, when he looked at his dead pet once more; and he chose to ignore the negative emotions threatening to push through, didn't care about the tears rolling down his cheeks.

He had a mess to clean up, a companion to bury.

He pushed his numb body off the floor and went to grab an old box, and some towels.

* * *

Gavin had had to go somewhere else, somewhere where they wouldn't find him. It meant leaving the computer behind, but.. really? Then all his chances at finding Nines would drop to 0%.  
He had first thought of renting a room at a motel in another part of Detroit, but that wouldn't solve the problem of his stalkers catching him. He had to keep moving. He couldn't crash at a friend's home - it would only put everyone else in danger, and his fault if anything were to happen to them.

The next meeting was only a couple days away, and Gavin had been on the move for about a couple weeks now.  
Equipped with his backpack containing the computer, money, and chargers for both the laptop and his phone, he sat in trains, coffee shops, parks and anywhere really as long as other people were present.  
Showers and changes of clothes had been neglected in favour of sleeping outside, somewhere hidden with the laptop shut off so they couldn't track him. But he still never felt safe.  
Food and water were always bought packaged, as he feared that someone might poison him.

He told himself he was just being careful.  
He denied the constant feeling of dread running through his veins, jumping at every noise and movement from the people around him.

Every call from anyone was ignored, and he pretended to not give a shit about the growing pile of concerned messages he received.  
He had been declared missing. But he couldn't let himself get caught.

Finding Nines had become his only purpose.  
An obsession.  
And it had a great price.

Gavin was sitting in a train, computer on his lap. The hood of his sweater had been pulled down over his face. It was almost dark outside, the sun setting far too quickly for his liking.  
He felt unbelievably tired and exhausted, but resting was a death sentence. And he wasn't ready to die yet. So he had refused sleeping much at all.  
He rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly, a few other passengers who had been giving him odd glances the whole time moving away even further. He must have been smelling like shit. But fuck them. If they only knew what he was going through, they wouldn't stare with disgust. Smartasses. Pretending to know him.

His fingers shakily typed in the URL he had memorised by now, quickly checking the event schedule to see if there had been any changes.  
But it was still the same appointment.  
A few photos had been added though - some of Nines.  
Gavin's grip on the device he was balancing on his legs tightened in anger. How _dare_ they shoot photos and _publish_ them? Nines looked wrecked; blue blood running from his nose, and hair messy. He was wearing a white onesie, also stained with thirium. He looked "fine", as far as the definition went. He hadn't been shut down yet. It was the only comfort for the detective.

The train came to a halt, and he quickly stuffed his things into the bag, when he spotted someone strange enter the train. She wasn't peculiarly dressed or anything, but her eyes... they distressed Gavin, and he quickly considered running away, before having an even better idea: He would follow her.  
He was convinced he had seen her before. Wasn't her name.. Mika?  
Gavin casted his eyes down, looking at his own feet in fear of being recognised as well. He was playing with fire here, and he was a rooted tree, ready to catch the licking flames. He felt exposed, but his determination to find Nines weighed heavier than any fear of getting caught.

They passed a couple more stops before she got out, and Gavin got out after her, followed her. He wasn't stalking per se, he told himself. She was a criminal he was planning on getting behind bars - it was his job as a detective after all.  
They were in a rather run down area, and as it was a quiet block, it was harder to not be seen or make her suspicious in any way, but he managed by staying on the other side of the road, occasionally letting her walk a distance before him until he had to catch up with that woman again.

She finally came to a stop before a warehouse. As her eyes scanned the area for any nosy passer-by's - such as himself -, he quickly ducked behind a large wooden box standing around near the river. Huh, they were close to the river.

He heard multiple knocks on the metallic door, before someone slid it open and let her in.  
Gavin grabbed his shut-off phone, turned it on with shaking fingers and sent Connor his current location before turning the device off once more.  
He really didn't want to wait for anyone else to arrive, but if the whole group was there, then he couldn't possibly do anything except die and let them get away.

What was weird though, was that the current date was too early. Had he found their headquarters?

He leaned back against the box wearily, body protesting to move any longer than it already had.  
He had managed to run his body to the bone, the only thing that had kept him going having been Nines. And now that he was so close to his goal, he was finally letting himself relax slightly - if involuntarily.  
Apparently humans needed enough sleep, or they would pass out at random occasions or locations. His brain really hadn't picked the best spot for that.

"Lookie here!"

Gavin's eyes widened, but he didn't look up.

"Hey, you look kinda scared, man! Don' worry. You're a special guest, Gav!" A hand slapped him on the shoulder, and he jumped violently, trying to scramble back further as if he could just phase through the wood behind him. His hand reflexively went to his gun, but the voice stopped him: "Na-ah! Don' be a bad boy now. Boss don' appreciate feisty viewers. Now get up, an' follow me."

He dared to look up, staring right down the barrel of a gun. The man behind it was dressed in a formal, black suit, blond hair long and bound together in a ponytail. His eyes looked as cold as Gavin felt.

But he got up as instructed. Slowly; he had to stall until the others would arrive. If they even were going to.

The detective was led inside. There were tables placed in a circle in the middle. Just as he had suspected. And there were people there. Many. The sick watchers paying the group much money to take part in the competitions or place bets.  
A few boxes stood at the sides, but he didn't know what could possibly be inside them - except thirium, maybe.

His backpack was stripped from him by two androids wearing the same white onesie as he had seen on Nines. As their hands were gripping the hem of his sweater, he tried to push them off, but they were stronger than him.  
"Haha, don' try. Their whole purpose is ta be strong after all. An' we only got the best!" the creepy asshole stated with way too much enthusiasm.

The sweater was removed, and left Gavin in his dirty shirt.  
"Oof, someone forgot to take a shower, didn' they?" he laughed. Gavin wanted to punch him. He didn't.

He yelped as he was picked up easily by one of the tall androids and thrown into the makeshift ring, landing ass first in the dust. The people who had been standing strewn about now stepped closer, surrounding him. Why did they have to be so close? Couldn't they stop talking?  
Gavin wanted to leave, but any attempt to flee would get him in more trouble than whatever was awaiting him.

Or so he thought.  
The crowd began to cheer, and a rather old man with groomed hair and a moustache stepped on top of a table with assistance. He looked just as elegantly dressed as that other jerk who had caught him.  
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! I welcome you to our tonight's show! You'll be delighted to hear that we do not only have androids fighting each other in a bloody and raw battle today, but also a human - the one a few of you might have seen before in our _secret_ chat. Unbelievable that this man wanted to make our little organisation go public. The **audacity**!" The last word was said loudly, the sound echoing off the wide and tall walls of the building. Gavin flinched.  
Terror. It build up again. The exhaustion he had felt before washing away to be replaced with naked horror at the thought of what was about to happen. Where the fuck were Connor and Hank? Reinforcements?  
...anyone?

"RK900, get into the ring," he said to someone standing near the back, then the old fart turned to face the viewers once more: "Now let's begin. We don't want to waste much time - we are all incredibly busy, aren't we?" He was aided off the table and brought to a small stage that overlooked the ring.

And that was when Gavin finally got a good look at the android who easily jumped over the demarcation, landing as quietly and swiftly as a cat.  
Nines' body was so still, straight. It looked like he was a machine all over again, if it wasn't for the eyes; the orbs were filled with sadness and fear.  
He wanted to take the pain away, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up.

His partner walked over. With every step he took, the human slid further back, until his back hit the turned tables.  
"N-Nines?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. He didn't react.  
Gavin called his name out again, but the dead stare didn't vanish off his face. Suddenly his leg was gripped, and he was pulled further into the secluded space, his back painfully gliding over the rough ground as his shirt rode up a little at the movement. His head hit the dirty ground with a strong punch to his face, and for a moment he couldn't tell up from down. Nines wasn't holding back. It couldn't be out of free will.

He lifted his arms to protect his hurting and bleeding head, but was hit in the stomach instead; he dry-heaved.  
How was he supposed to win a match with an android? The point was: He wasn't supposed to win. He wasn't supposed to get out of here alive.  
"Nines! Listen," he grabbed his partner's arm that was still holding him pinned to the floor, "you have to snap out of it!"  
He stared into his eyes, saw the internal struggle. Gavin had worried his words fell on deaf ears as he was lifted up and off the floor by his collar, but the slow motion of his partner's hand nearing his own held-up one lessened that concern.  
He extended his fingers, the digits lightly brushing the skin of the other's palm. He had heard him! Gavin was happy.

He smiled lightly.  
Until Nines wrapped his fingers around his wrist and squeezed. The bone gave away too easily, cracking painfully under the pressure. He screamed in agony, trying to kick and lash out and do _something_ to get the android to stop, but nothing worked.  
The crowd cheered at the sick display of pain. He teared up.

It would have been best to defend himself somehow, but he just couldn't bring himself to harm Richard. _He couldn't..._

Gavin's eyes spotted an anomaly all of a sudden. There.. there! At the back of his neck was some sort of USB stick. It looked weird, out of place. He was sure that androids usually didn't have this thing attached to them.  
So before he knew what he was doing, he latched his fingers around it and pulled.

The grip around his broken wrist was gone in an instant, and he was dropped to the floor. He stared up at his lover, speechless and thoughtless.

"Congratulations, Mr. Reed! You really seem to know your way around your profession. Detective, right?" the old man spoke. "Too bad that we cannot accept your kind here, and now that you know our little secret it will be impossible to let you go."

A gun was aimed at him, held by the girl he had followed here. Her grin showed teeth and gums. Fucking bitch.

"No."  
Gavin looked up. Nines had raised his head and turned to face the overlord. "Please, don't kill him!"  
The man laughed: "Oh, and what do you think we're supposed to do then? Let him live? Put an end to our nice little community? I don't think that's possible."  
He stepped off his stage, and walked towards them, a few in the crowd moving the tables aside so he could pass through. Three other humans accompanied him, equipped with tasers.

Two ran over to Nines, who was suddenly gripped by two other muscular humans and held in place as they tased him. The voltage wasn't so strong as to have much of an effect on the other two, but it was enough to rattle his partner's insides. He spasmed, before falling to his knees. It was painful to watch.

"Please.. please, STOP!" He yelled, not able to stand by passively once again.  
Not when there was a gun aimed at Nines' and his head too now (that old man also carried a weapon. Good to know), fingers on the triggers that were about to decide over life and death.

The old man raised his hand, and every movement within the facility stopped - the crowd went even quieter and his assistants pulled the tasers away. It was deathly quiet way too quick for Gavin to realise that his pleas had been heard.

He looked up, tears rolling down his cheeks while blood was smeared across his eyes from where he had wiped it unknowingly; it burned. Nines looked just as shocked about what was happening, and his blue eyes searched for Gavin's grey ones. The detective wanted to run over, hug him, hope that the overlord of this damn shitty gang had a heart after all and would let them go.

But this wasn't some fairytale.

"What are you doing, youngster? Crying over an unfeeling machine? It is nothing but a tool, don't you see? They give us entertainment, they aid us in our work. Not because they want to, but because they are ordered to do so by humans. They don't think for themselves."  
He wanted to break the man's fucking neck. He wanted to bite his fucking arteries out of his ugly, wrinkly throat! Gavin was furious, and desperate. And desperation weighed more than the other emotion - it left him laying on the ground, still.  
"Most androids are more humane than you! More humane than even me!" He protested, "They are just as valuable as any other living being; their heart having a different form doesn't matter in the slightest! Nor does it matter that their brains are made of wires and code - we all still feel, and.. and love-" He looked over at Nines when saying that. And he had so much more to say.

A desperate sob escaped his throat.  
"Please, let him go," he begged, "I'll give you anything! Anything you want!"  
Oh, please. Please, God. Gavin and the big man upstairs have never been on good terms before, but if he had ever needed a guiding hand, it was now. No matter what being, please let his prayers be heard: Let Nines live!

The old man chuckled: "What could you, worm, possibly give me, that I don't already posses? I don't crave the materialistic values, nor do I need another personal assistant. What do you have to offer? Something precious? Equally exquisite as.. a life as you claim this RK900's worth?"  
Gavin felt sick to his stomach. He had an idea of what he could give this asshole.  
"I...," images of Nines holding his hand flashed before his eyes.  
"I..," their hugs. He still remembered them. The warmth he had craved his whole life, the affection Gavin had hoped to feel in the future. A future together with Nines.

But now, he would never wake up peacefully next to him anymore. He could still taste the last lunch Nines had prepared for him. It had been ramen, but home made and not the cheap stuff he usually bought. It was so long ago.

And now, all of it was gone. Ava was gone. His sanity was probably gone, too.

Gavin smiled sadly over at his lover.  
"Nines, I.. I want to apologize for how I treated you in the beginning. And thank you for all you've done for me."  
Of course his partner wasn't dumb. He realized quickly what Gavin was going for. He struggled in the hold the two androids had on him. "N-no! Gavin, please don't!"  
"You're a great cook, y'know? And the best boyfriend anyone could have ever asked for." More tears ran down his face and it was getting harder to breathe normally. His chest hurt and spasmed from the force of the sobs.  
"Gavin, for _fuck's sake_ , DON'T-" the RK900 was brought down to his knees once again after trying to get up by the shock of the taser, groaning and twitching lightly. His eyes never left the detective's broken form.

The old man had caught on. Gavin was glad to have gotten some things off his chest. He wasn't ready to go to hell yet, but he wanted to have Nines be able to leave this place as soon as possible, so he had to hurry and get this over with before that asshole changed his mind and decided to out them both after all. Or would he still kill them both? Or worse: Keep Nines for further "entertainment"?

The barrel of the gun was pressed to his forehead. Gavin shuddered.

"So, you've chosen to switch positions with this pile of garbage? If so, then I promise I will let him go once we're done wiping the earth off the scum that you are; darn android-fucker!"

Gavin closed his eyes, ready to accept his fate. "Y.. you're gonna let him go?"  
"As much as I despise the thought of losing my best fighter, finally having you brat out of our way will be much more convenient," he huffed in response. "And I am a man of my words."

Alright then.  
 _Thank you, whatever almighty spirit there is. Please, let Nines live happily._

" **DON'T FUCKING MOVE, ASSHOLES!** "  
Gavin opened his eyes and searched the room for the man he had heard.  
Were they there? Had they found them?! Were they finally safe?

The detective didn't want to believe it. It would hurt too much if after all it had just been some sort of hallucination.

But the gun aimed at him was pulled away. He blinked, and the overlord was gone.  
Another blink, and Nines was hovering over him, saying something he couldn't hear over all the yelling and sirens' blaring.  
He closed his eyes one more time.

And kept them closed.

The pain from his arm faded away, the migraine lessened until it was barely there anymore.

It was as if he was dreaming all of this. Fabricating the gentle touches on his cheeks, the lips against his own.  
He didn't want to wake up again.

He could sleep forever, knowing Nines was okay.

He was okay now.


	17. Everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines is back safe with him, and Gavin cannot be happier.
> 
> If there wasn't just this continuous nagging fear...  
> But he is doing fine. Promise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He promised. Not me. Also:
> 
> Too many exams, too many extra assignments. I don't have much time during the day to do anything here, but I still manage; as you may have noticed.  
> You better have noticed! >:(  
> Nah, just kidding...  
> Unleth... ;)  
> Anyways, today is my birthday, and since I am actually excited for once (as much as I can enjoy it with all the school work), I wanted to share this with you.  
> Yay, Happy fucking Birthday to me.  
> WhoOoOoooooOO...  
> And here's a question for you guys, of course only to be answered if you want to:  
> Do you celebrate your birthday?  
> I don't usually. Or at least not with friends. This year it felt like something special, so I decided to put at least some effort into it.  
> Anyways, I'll be off now. Continuing to work on making you guys happy with my so tAleNteD writing.

Nines was back. Nines was safe.  
Because of him.  
A week, two days and 10 hours ago, he had put a stop to the group's disgusting shenanigans; he had rescued many androids from that place who had been used as the gangsters' personal fighting contestants, and busted their Red Ice dealings within a large area - addicts wouldn't get their fix from them anytime soon. Hank and Connor had told him that the losers in the competition were destroyed and used for their thirium to be later added to the drug. It was horrible to imagine that they were not only forced to fight because of this weird USB stick, but also out of fright of being the next.  
But Gavin only cared about one thing right now: Richard. Richard, who had gone to his brother's home to get some biocomponents and other stuff fixed that Gavin couldn't be bothered to remember.

He had silently wished for Nines to stay with him at his now dusty apartment, the ruined cat tree still in it. He hadn't managed to take it outside yet. He couldn't even look at it.  
But the detective had kept quiet about it, and only asked the other to take the computer and camera with him.

The days alone at home during the day, and outside at work hadn't been too bad - as long as there were either people he knew around, or the five locks he had installed on the door were shut, as well as his windows. During the night, all lights in the apartment were kept on, and the TV was on nearly all day on a low volume. He wasn't even watching the shows. There was no joy, no opportunity to enjoy them. He constantly felt on edge, imagining one of the criminals creeping into his house while his back was turned at an inopportune time.

He only went outside for work, and to grab some food or coffee that had either been prepared before his eyes, or packaged. Ultimately he preferred to keep indoors, behind drawn curtains and some source of sound around him that wasn't footsteps or voices.  
Connor had expressed his "concern" for him, saying that he had noticed Gavin's weird behaviour. But Gavin didn't know what he was talking about.  
Considering what had happened, he was not being paranoid - he was being _careful_. He had been poisoned, and his cat had been murdered, because he had let his guard down too often. Had let his guard down at all.  
Gavin certainly wasn't going to tell Connor that he was carrying his gun with him at all times, the weapon constantly on his lap when alone at home. He wouldn't get it. He was an android - strong, and perfect. And he was a human, who had made enough mistakes to realise that he had to change tactics.  
The world was a dangerous place. He could die anytime. Especially now after having made himself enemies with so many others.

What if the people the others had caught weren't all of them, and one was out for revenge now? What if they had let someone escape after Gavin had so conveniently passed out?

He expected the worse - and rightfully so.

He may be stupid, but he wasn't dumb... yeah.

Tina also had wanted to have a word with him, but whenever she stepped too close to him, Gavin's muscles would lock up, and his brain went into fight-or-flight mode; he always excused himself to go to the restroom. What good would she have to say anyway?

Gavin had received a message from Nines at 6:30 AM, saying he would be coming to work today. The detective concluded that his boyfriend had tried to be considerate and sent the text at a time he expected him to be awake already. Funnily enough, he hadn't gone to sleep yet. And he wouldn't go to sleep if he could help it.  
The first days without sleep had been hell, days and events becoming one as there was no time for his mind to process the daily influx of information. But after three days it had gotten easier. Sure, his body and back hurt incredibly from sitting or standing up all day, pacing his own home to check for anything out of order. His eyes were drier than the pre-made sandwiches he bought for lunch, and sometimes he found himself in the dark of his own bedroom after not having realised he had been staring at the white, empty wall before him for hours - probably literally sleeping with one eye open (or was it both?).  
The few naps his body tried to force on him when at a disadvantageous time became simple to combat by moving his legs while sitting down, playing with some object in his hands or doing anything else that occupied his mind enough to ignore his failing awareness of his surroundings.

Whenever he did slip into some half-slumber though... the dreams were horrifying. Due to him keeping his motor functions busy while falling asleep, part of his subconscious could creep out into the real world, making him see and hear things that apparently weren't there.  
When he asked Tina if she had heard the gunshot outside the precinct as well, she only had looked at him with a confused expression on her face.  
But he knew what he heard. Believed what he saw.

Gavin got up from the sofa he was sitting on when the clock on his phone showed him it was 6:45. It was getting brighter outside.  
The man wandered to the kitchen, picking up Ava's food and drink bowls, emptying what had been left by her inside the previous day, and filling it up fresh.  
Then he went to the bedroom, gun in a tired grip and checked the bathroom to see if all was as he left it there.  
His clothes were still clean enough, so he decided to keep them on for this day ~~(he couldn't place his only way to protect himself aside)~~.

When it came to making himself a coffee, he stood before the machine for a few minutes, contemplating whether it was worth to have the loud whirring block his sense of hearing for a cup of caffeine or not.  
He left the apartment shortly after.

"Reed, my office. Now."  
Gavin looked up from the files of paper laying on his desk, the motion of his hand undeviatingly hitting a pencil against the table's edge stopping. The lack of the background noise made him nervous.  
But he got up quickly, stalking over to Fowler's office to hear whatever the captain was going to complain about this time.

He halted his movements when something rushed by him, and he looked to his left to see what it had been. But there was no one. No, there was! He had just been too slow to look.

The comfortability of the seat in the man's office made Gavin contradictorily uncomfortable. He could just close his eyes for a second.. just one minute..  
"Reed," he heard the soft voice speak once the glass door had been closed behind him. He forced himself to sit straighter, leg moving restlessly and hands gripping the armrests to bring some feeling back to his fingers.  
"What is it, Fowler? I haven't done anything the last few days - so whatever happened: It wasn't me." He really didn't want to be in this warm and dark room any longer.  
He blinked a few times, willing away the dark edges that had been there for a while. He needed a coffee.  
His boss shook his head a few times, folded his hands together and placed them on the table. Gavin watched every move cautiously. "That's not why I called you in here." Then what was the fucking reason? He needed to get back to work!  
Gavin kept quiet.  
"I know that what had happened to you here, and afterwards must have been traumatising. At first I thought you handled it well, but everyday I see you come in here, you look more like a corpse." Harsh words. They fell on deaf ears, so it didn't matter.  
"Well, you're wrong about that. Just a little tired, have been doing more work after my little 'break'," he shrugged it off. It was nothing.

"Yeah, don't fucking bullshit me, Reed! You are smart, you see that you aren't doing well. Listen if you need someone to talk to, then there's people - friends, and even me - to turn to."

"Alright," Gavin laughed ~~\- it really sounded like a stuttered exhale -~~ , "even if you think I am 'tRauMaTisEd', what would you do about it, huh? Put me in a damn mental asylum?"  
"You could meet up with your therapist again. The way you're behaving shows me that you are **not** going to any meetings."

Oh, that asshole. Going right for his private life. Something that was supposed to be private, unknown to anyone around him.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll be going back to work now." He got up and left the room, Fowler yelling after him that this talk wasn't over yet. Ha, as if! He would die before willingly "opening up" to any of his "friends". They were thinking he was crazy, a danger to those around him. He was just careful. But no one would understand that. Not even Nines.

Where was that android anyway?

Nines stepped into the precinct looking near good as new. Kamski had done a good job fixing whatever his captors had broken within him, or what his fellow android brothers and sisters had done in an act of desperation or uncontrollable willingness to comply their "owners'" commands.

Just today, his ability to send messages had been repaired and was fully functional once more, when before every text had failed to get through to anyone. The reason he had updated Gavin on his current status.

It was odd that the other hadn't answered, but at least he had read the happy news.

People were bustling around the large room, doing their work like a perfectly oiled machine they had been trained to become as officers.  
Connor saw him near instantly, and waved him over. But Nines only smiled back politely. There was something more important to be done.

Richard spotted Gavin sitting at his desk, head bowed low in favour of seeing the paperwork up really close. He wasn't in need of glasses, was he?  
He walked over, standing next to his table. There was barely time to greet him properly when his partner had already turned his head fiercely. His muscles were tense, and his left hand was occupied with a pen he was rhythmically tapping on the desk's disorderly surface.

He offered a smile when the other didn't react, and opened his arms to give his favourite human a hug.  
Gavin moved back, cowered into himself ever so slightly. Eyes focused back on the papers before him, and he whispered: "Hey."  
It was odd, and it hurt; to say the least.  
"Are you alright, Gavin?"

_Scanning..._

_Scanning complete._

Elevated heart rate.  
Slight trembling.  
Bad blood flow to his limbs.  
Caffeine content in his body was way too high.  
Blood sugar low.  
Dark rings under his eyes.  
Pale skin.

He was scared.

Had it been because of the fight? Gavin knew he hadn't hurt him on purpose, didn't he?  
It was the program that had been forced into his processors. He would never want to hurt his companion on purpose. Not even accidentally.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just let me," he stopped talking for just a moment, "finish my work. I want to get this all filed until the end of the shift." But Nines had heard. He had noticed, and detected the lie. Gavin was less concerned about doing his tasks. Something else was bothering him, and he was going to find out what it was. That's what he was there for- what he _wanted_ to do.  
"Of course, Gavin. I'll catch up with Connor and Hank for a few minutes, if you don't mind."  
His partner shrugged, and turned his attention back to what he had been doing before.

Richard walked over to his two friends.  
"Hello, Nines. How are you?" Connor asked, standing up from his chair to shake his hand. It was rather formal for humans, but for the two of them it was comparable to a hug. And it gave them an opportunity to interface.  
He removed the synthetic skin from around his hand, and the RK800 did the same. Data, laced with emotion, and memories from his friend's perspective rushed through him for a few seconds, before he let go again.  
"Hello, Connor. I'm in perfect working order once more thanks to Elijah Kamski." Now that the formalities had been dealt with: "What is going on with Gavin? He appears to be rather distressed about my presence."

Hank huffed mockingly, who was sitting at his desk with arms crossed over his chest: "Ha, it's not your presence that's scaring him. He's been seeing ghosts ever since he found you. We've been trying to get through to him - or at least Connor and Tina tried. What surprise he won't talk though." The lieutenant looked over at his coworker, who was getting up to walk to the break room for who-knew what time today.

"Seeing ghosts? Has he been hallucinating? Is he abusing any sorts of drugs?" Richard was getting more and more worried, his processors coming up with all the possible reasons behind Gavin's behaviour; he didn't like any of the explanations.  
Connor looked away sheepishly. "I cannot say it for certain, but I suspect Gavin has been rather paranoid ever since you got captured. And it worsened after he had been poisoned-"  
"WHAT?" Nines yelled before he could stop himself, and he quickly lowered his voice again: "What? Gavin hadn't told me that! Has anything else happened?"  
"Well, he hadn't shown up to work after that incident for a good two weeks, and then he found you. He had never bothered to contact anyone during that timespan, so I don't know what exactly had occurred."  
That sounded, and was, horrible. "Alright then. I'll see what I can do. I live with him and he trusts me. If someone is going to get him to open up, it will be me."  
Connor nodded in agreement.

"I'll report to Fowler quickly. You two have fun at work."

Gavin felt his head droop lower and lower the longer the fucking coffee machine took to prepare his drink. He was standing, he shouldn't be falling asleep!  
But here he was, doing it anyway.  
The cup filled excruciatingly slow, so instead of wasting his time doing nothing, he began to pace the small area. His eyes traced the lines between the tiles on the floor. Has stone looked so comfortable before? He could lay down right then and there, feel safe with people around that he hoped wouldn't try to hurt him.  
But that wasn't an option. What if someone walked in here, found him, and killed him? They could even take his gun to make his death a little more humiliating.

"Hey, Gavin."  
Gavin ignored the voice. It was far away. It was only in his head. He wasn't crazy.  
He was being careful. He was only taken precaution-  
A hand was placed on his shoulder, halting him in his movements. He had thought that when someone was to catch him, he would have enough sense to run or at least take his gun and shoot whoever was attacking him, trying to **murder** him, **kill** him in cold blood after he hadn't just listened to the warnings. Warnings. They had been everywhere. They **are everywhere.  
** **But he hadn't listened.** And now his body refused to move, take in breaths of air.

He didn't look up to see who was standing next to him, too great was the fear of who it was. As the grip on him lessened, so did the tension; slightly.

"Nines," he mumbled when he dared to look up, relief washing over him that it was not some stranger.  
The android stared back, looking rather uncomfortable.  
"I had a talk with Fowler," he started, taking the already filled cup of coffee from the machine and setting it on a table that was standing closest to the detective, "He wants you to know that your testimony will be required for the upcoming trial. And that he knows about your unlawful activity on certain websites on the hidden web."  
Gavin should have known that they'd find out somehow. Of course the suspects would spill and tell his colleagues about the times he had logged in.  
"Do not worry though. I checked your browser history on the computer you told me to bring back to your brother, and there is enough proof to show that you merely used the Blue Room to interact with, and didn't actually purchase anything.. wrong. You might have to pay a fine - and I wouldn't mind lending you money if you don't have enough."

Gavin kept quiet. That had been way too much information at once.  
Way. Too. Much. Let alone that he had heard him, but not understood any of the words until almost a full minute passed with them just standing there silently.  
It was too much. A trial? Seeing these people again who had stalked him? He couldn't. He'd rather just pay a fine now, and he left alone. But it just would never be this easy.

"What is going on with you, Gavin? I would have liked to have this conversation at home, but I am concerned about your physical and mental heal-"  
Gavin lifted a hand, urging his partner to stop talking. There was too much noise, and the walls were too close.  
"Later... promise," he whispered, unable to make eye contact. He grabbed his cup of coffee and walked back to his desk.

Nines followed Gavin with his gaze. It was unnerving to have his boyfriend sound so casual and unbothered after he had just told him he had invaded his privacy. It could have been taken as a good sign - that Gavin trusted him enough. But the android knew better: If there was one thing Gavin didn't like, it was people snooping around in his life.

There would have to be a long talk later. Maybe over dinner, a cuddling session.  
After having been kidnapped, and being unable to take control of his own body, he realised how much he craved for the few physical gestures of contact with the other. Holding hands, hugging him. It felt like he just had to do these things, even though there was no real reason to. Being able to feel surely had its weird effects.

During the rest of the work hours, and on the ride home, Richard had taken notes on Gavin's odd behaviour in an attempt to figure out what was going on in his head. Whether they would really have this talk at home or not, the RK900 model knew too well that his partner was going to lie about a few things. Play down his worries. Maybe even make a poor attempt to change topics.

Gavin had displayed a constant need to move his arms or legs.  
Played with objects within his vicinity.  
Drank more coffee if that was even possible.  
He looked around nervously whenever there were louder than usual footsteps nearing them, and would not return to his tasks until they had quieted down. Same strategy went for when people were merely standing approximately five feet away from him.

Some of these signs pointed decidedly at what Connor had told him: Paranoia.  
In order to get that stubborn man to calm down, he would need to find the root of the problem, and yank it out like the weed it was.  
The other tics suggested a lack of sleep and attempts to keep himself awake. Before Nines had moved in with Gavin, the detective had had a horrible sleeping schedule. Paired with the phobia that had developed due to whatever had happened while he was gone, this could only have gotten worse.

No words were spoken even at the apartment. The only sound came from the TV after Gavin had turned it on immediately after entering, and locking the door behind them.  
Five additional locks, plus he left the key hanging in the hole. Then he had gone to the bedroom, only to return a few seconds after to look inside the little storeroom.  
"Are you looking for something specific?" Nines noted the full cat bowls on the floor in the kitchen, but a lack of another being.  
Gavin shook his head, and sat down on the couch.

When no further explanation was given, he turned to the fridge to prepare dinner. There was nothing in the fridge. Not even bottled water. A look in the freezer showed the same emptiness. Even the trays for ice cubes have been removed.

"Gavin, what have you been eating for the last days? Or weeks?"  
He didn't look over, eyes fixed on the television screen. "Stuff. And things."  
Nines didn't want to go out and get something right now. It would mean leaving Gavin alone here, and he would rather order something. He was weirdly tired out. Having been worried about his boyfriend all day had consumed energy, but it didn't show in his battery levels, which were still at an optimal 74%.

"How about we order some takeout?" he walked over to the cat tree and kneeled down in front of the cave draped over with a scarf. He hadn't seen Ava in so long. Before even reaching out to push the cloth aside, he noticed a dark stain on the rough material. A quick scan told him it was blood.  
His fingers had grasped the scarf, when his wrist was pulled away. Gavin stood over him, panic showing in his eyes.  
"N-no. I'm not feeling hungry right now. C'mon, let's sit down."

He dragged him over to the seat - or rather Richard let him do so - and went back to watching the show that was on.  
"Gavin, where is Ava? Did something happen to her?" He placed an order for a Chinese restaurant. Maybe the other would eat when the food was in front of him. He looked hungry.  
"She ran away."  
"Where did the blood on the tree come from, Gavin?" he asked more sternly, leaning closer out of some odd reflex. As if that would make Gavin talk. Pressuring him into telling the truth.  
He kept quiet, eyes darting over to the blood stains before fixing on a spot on the floor.  
"I.. I need to use the bathroom." He got up, but Richard grabbed his wrist to prevent him from running off. If he left now, there wouldn't be the talk that needed to happen. Tonight.

The reaction was shocking. Gavin whirled around to face him, body tense and heart rate at a dangerous level. His voice was cold and empty, but his eyes betrayed the hidden fear... no, _terror_. There was terror flashing in his eyes, as if Nines wanted to hurt him. Gavin behaved like a cornered animal ready to use every measure possible to apprehend the enemy. But his partner couldn't possibly think he wanted to hurt him, right?  
"Let go."  
Nines stood up as well, slowly and paying attention to his every move. "I'm sorry, but I cannot do that. You are not doing well. Don't you see I want to h-"  
He shut up when a gun was aimed at his head.  
"Let. Go."

Gavin was in a bad mental state. Nines was unable to identify the probability of the man actually pulling the trigger - and he really didn't want to find out. So he let go.

The door to the bathroom slammed closed shortly after he disappeared from his view.  
Nines kept standing in the same spot, aghast and disbelieving of what had occurred just now.

_Starting call..._

_00.00_

_"Hello, Nines. Are you okay?"  
_

_"Yes, I am fine. I'm calling because of Gavin. He just had threatened to kill me  
_ _after I prevented him from walking away from our conversation."_

Nines knelt down before the cat house once more and set the scarf aside. In it were stains of dried blood. It was weeks old. Gavin hadn't killed his cat in a fit of crazed delusion, had he?

_"Are you safe? Would you like to come over?"_

_"I don't want to leave him here alone. From what I've seen, he is very paranoid.  
But he may not lash out until he is being physically touched."  
_

_"I don't want anything to happen to you, Richard. I know you care for Gavin greatly,  
but he's not the only one to have experienced something traumatic."_

_"I am okay, Connor.  
Now that I've witnessed his hostility, I can assess the danger he poses for himself and others better.  
I will be more careful, and take the gun from him.   
Do you have any advice on how I could go about questioning him?"_

_"The only idea I have is to give him some time.  
Maybe even stay at home for a while with him; he is a risk to everyone at the moment,   
and I don't want to be there if he decides to put a bullet in you or Hank."_

Connor was right about Gavin currently being a hazard. One wrong move like he had just done, and there could be morbid consequences. He, as an RK900, was fast enough to apprehend him, but could a human do the same?

_"Alright, thank you, Connor. I'll see that he gets better soon."_

They ended the call.  
Gavin stood in the doorway to his bedroom, leaning against the frame.  
"Nines... I," he croaked, but he struggled to continue talking. He instead walked to the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine.

He felt sad. Saddened for the crumbling relationship between them, worried about the failing health of his boyfriend.  
And he felt horrible about not knowing how to help.


	18. It's really not that kind to terrorise one in one's sleep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines has to find a way to get Gavin to calm down again.  
> But what can one do to help someone else see, that not everything is out to kill you? Especially after what happened to him?
> 
> But just like Nines always has until now: He manages. After months of work Gavin and him are finally happy.
> 
> And then someone has to ruin it once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 2000 readers, and 100 kudos!  
> We did it, we did it, we did it, yeah!
> 
> And check out the end notes if you don't want this story to be over just yet!

Gavin had wanted to apologise for his overreaction.  
He didn't have any control over his hand that raised to target the very thing in his life that he loved the most. That he had sacrificed so much for - and who first had taught him to sacrifice. To appreciate help. To love. Why was he even still here after Gavin had threatened him like this? He would have surely left, wouldn't he? Maybe he wouldn't have either.  
Nines had taught him so much, and he realised it now that all he had learned was gone.

He was certain that the android wouldn't understand what he was going through. Not because he was a machine, but because he wasn't as human as him.  
Sensitive and frail, and weak.

Someone knocked on the door, and he jumped hard enough to spill some of the hot coffee he had poured into a mug and onto his hand. He expected it to burn, but it was just a pulsing, dull sensation spreading over his skin.  
There was no time to bother with cooling the tingling pain anyways, as he watched Richard walk to the door, oh-so non-cautiously ready to open it for someone waiting outside.  
He dropped the cup and dashed towards him, standing before the door to prevent him from letting the dangers of the outside world in.  
"Don't open it!" he whispered, holding onto his shoulders tightly. Ha, as if that would stop him! "Is everything okay?" a female voice called out, having heard the mug shatter on the kitchen tiles.  
Nines stopped though. "Don't worry, it's just the delivery guy. Go and cool the burn on your hand, Gav." He pushed him aside gently, and he stared with horror as the locks were undone. He couldn't stand by and watch, so he fled into the bedroom, closing the door quietly and stumbling back to his bed. Delivery man? He hadn't ordered anything.  
He prayed that Nines wasn't going to get hurt. He listened for any sounds of a struggle, took the gun into his hand and waited.

The door was closed again, the locks turned and clanked. Footsteps neared his room.  
"Don't enter!" he yelled, crawling back towards the headboard of the bed. The cover and mattress beneath him felt so soft. He could... just sleep for a little. Just 30 minutes.. 20. 10. Maybe even just for fucking five!  
"It's okay, Gavin. It's me," came from behind the door. The voice sounded like Nines'. But what if he was just hearing things? Or what if some android had killed Nines, intruded his homeandcopiedhisvoice _justtotrickhimandmakehimbelievethatitwassomeoneelse?_  
Despite sitting down, he felt incredibly light-headed. He kicked his legs out almost involuntarily, but the impulsive movements were welcomed. They kept him awake and cautious. A human didn't need sleep. He had stayed awake most of the time for days. There was no way he was going to take a useless nap, only to find Nines dead next to him upon waking up!

His head shot up from where it had suddenly been resting on his shoulder, and his eyes focused on the person in front of him. He had made a great mistake letting Richard out of his sight. He could be an imposter! What if he was currently bleeding out on the floor in the living room, andGavinwasnextonthisguyslistall _becausehehadignoredthewar-_

"Take deep breaths, Gavin." An RK900 was kneeling in front of him, but he somehow couldn't recognise his face. He didn't look familiar. And still he wanted to trust him. It was all blurry and at the same time awfully sharp and clear.  
"I.. I can't," he gasped, tears rolling down his face. Twitching fingers grasped his hair and pulled, pulled hard enough in hope to crack open his skull and let all these thoughts in his head out. They were trapped inside him, eating him alive. There was a parasite. Maybe he had eaten something that had been infected with some sort of bug? It called out to him, telling him to run away and hide. Ordered him to check every package of food rigorously. Demanded him to stay awake.

And he listened.  
Because it was right.

Nines knew making physical contact with Gavin wasn't a good idea, but it was nearly impossible to resist the urge while his love was having a full-blown panic attack right in front him.  
So despite all reconstruction options having a high chance of worse outcomes if he touched him, he did what was not recommended.  
He charily rested his forehead against Gavin's, waited for any resistance. When the hitched breathing continued, he leaned forward further to press a light kiss to his nose. Gavin recoiled.

"It tells me not to let you do that," he exhaled, looking around nervously. Who was 'it'?  
"Who told you that? And what else are they telling you?" He was not being heard. Gavin had a distant look in his eyes, staring ahead at the wall.  
"There's something under my skin," he scratched at his forearm, digging his nails as deep as they would go. "I sweat there is- THERE, DO YOU SEE IT?" He held out his burnt hand, and Nines took it gingerly. He didn't pull away and let him place his lips against the dry skin over his knuckles.  
"I'm afraid I don't see it."  
He continued the violent scratching on his neck and jaw. Nines lifted his other hand to stop him from doing that, but once more he moved away.  
"I.. It wants me to hide, but it won't work, Nines!" He let Gavin grab him by the collar of his shirt, seeing as he wasn't intending to hurt him. Gavin was distressed, not violent.  
"They killed her, these bastards **killed** her! _Cut her in half_ , to give me a warning. And left her here for me to find!"  
Her? He wasn't talking about his pet, was he? Oh, rA9, that was horrible.  
"Where is Ava, Gavin?" He tilted his head a little, watching the other's expression change from fear to exhaustion.  
"She's in the kitchen. She hates me. All because I let my guard down." She wasn't anywhere near the kitchen. Nines suspected she was not even above ground anymore.  
His head snapped up to face him again, hands tugging roughly on his shirt. "I can't do this alone! You have to help me. Protect me from those gangsters! They're following me, they're.. they're watching me! They saw me on the camera- the camera! It showed them! Please, Nines, don't ever leave my side!"

Sounded like the ramblings of a crazy person. This was worse than anticipated.

"How much have you been sleeping recently?" Nines wasn't happy to take advantage of his partner's delirium, but it was the only state in which he was open enough to tell him what he needed to know if he wasn't lost in thoughts.  
"I didn't.. I couldn't. What if they come back? Nines.., please.. I'm so tired. You're the only thing left in my life. She's gone. I can't let them get you, too!"

Sleep deprivation. A quick search told him the symptoms: Hallucinations, occasional loss of consciousness at any possible moment, delirium. Eventually death.

"Gavin, I won't let them get near you ever again. They will be in jail soon, and never get out of there."  
His reassuring words fell on deaf ears. Gavin resumed scratching his own skin raw.  
"No, they will flee... they'll get me. They'll get you, too." The skin on his neck turned red and irritated. It was difficult to watch him hurt himself.  
Nines was at a loss. He needed to find a way to get Gavin to calm down and sleep soon.  
"How about you lay down while I check the apartment? I'll be back in a few seconds. You think you can do that for me?"  
His grey eyes weren't untrusting, but they showed doubt. He must have been imaging every smallest possibility of the criminals breaking in.  
"Gavin, can you do that for me?" he gingerly held one of Gavin's hands, the one still grasping his jacket, and massaged the palm.

The distraught man hesitated at first. Then he laid down, curling up into a fetal position.

Nines stood up and walked to the bathroom, looking inside the already lit room. When there wasn't anyone inside, he turned off the light and closed the door behind himself.  
"N-no! Leave the light on... They're hiding in the dark." Gavin had sat up again, leaning heavily on his arms to keep him upright. With luck, he would pass out from exhaustion.  
Even though Richard didn't want to play along with his irrational fears, he turned the light back on. If it calmed him, then the electrical bill was a small price to pay.  
He left the bedroom, walking to the kitchen, even opening the storeroom to check the inside. But as expected, there was no one here besides the two of them. He had picked up the shattered mug pieces quickly and dumped them in the trash, and wiped the coffee off the floor quickly.

He walked back to the bed. Gavin laid restlessly on the covers.  
Nines debated whether he should turn off the lights, but decided against it in the end. If Gavin hadn't slept much at all, then the lamp won't wake him.  
He laid down next to him, watching his expressions and motions. He still looked disturbed while unconscious, fingers curling and stretching, his head turning from one side to the other.

Nines decided the best course of action for now was to stay with him, awake. If Gavin saw that he was ready to protect him even while he was asleep, then it might make him feel more secure in his own home.  
He considered putting sleeping pills in his coffee, as unorthodox as that might seem. But it might break the trust between them. He would only do so to help him though.  
The thought didn't sit well with him. But if there was no other option, then what was he supposed to do?

20 minutes and 4 seconds have passed when Gavin stirred to consciousness again. It was way too little time.  
He shot up from the bed, looking around the lit room panicky.  
"It's okay Gavin. I checked the apartment. There's no one here. You should go back to sleep."  
He still looked sleep-drunken, no wonder. He probably barely registered anything he had just said, but he laid back down.  
"I will watch over you while you get some rest, okay?"  
Grey, weary eyes looked up into his blue ones. "You will?"  
"Yes. I promise. Would you like me to hold you?"  
He nodded. Richard obliged, laying closer and placing an arm loosely over the other's chest. He increased his body temperature to keep him warm.

He was passed out after a few minutes once more.  
This time Nines used his chance to pull the gun from its holster, placing the weapon under the pillow on his own side.  
His fingers ran through Gavin's messy and unwashed hair. The tension in his muscles disappeared some.

Gavin had woken up in near intervals throughout the night: His body woke him up every time approximately 20 minutes had passed.  
After three more times, the man was up again, despite Nines' begging to lay back down and try to catch some shut-eye.

Nines couldn't really force him to sleep though. As gladly as he would have just wrapped his arms around him and held him down on the mattress to prevent him from getting up, it wouldn't do anything for calming him. Quite the opposite.

The RK900 waited for a few seconds after Gavin left the bedroom. The TV was turned on. He got up, and followed the detective into the living room. The white plastic bag with his takeout was left on the counter.  
"Would you like to eat, Gavin? I ordered your favourite." He grabbed the handgrips of the bag and carried it to the coffee table, placing it down slowly as to not scare Gavin with any fast movements.  
The man sat anxiously on the couch, right leg bouncing up and down, hands fumbling with the hem of his shirt.

He didn't receive an answer, attention was nearly faithfully focused on the bright screen. Nines sat down next to him, holding out his hand for the other to hold.  
Gavin's eyes moved down, glanced at the outstretched limb, but then just turned his focus back to the television.  
"You have to eat," he mumbled.  
He had expected to be ignored once more, but then he heard the whisper: "Can't."

He waited for an explanation, let Gavin speak when he was ready. He was rewarded for his patience.  
"It's poisoned."  
"It's not poisoned, Gavin. If you'd like, I can scan the contents for any dangerous substances." Leaving the sodium contents out of that of course. He leaned forward already and took the little container out of the bag, setting it opened onto Gavin's lap.  
"It won't show on your scans..."  
"Are you doubting my scanners?"  
Gavin looked up at him. When he didn't say anything, Nines tried to pry the responses from him by offering answers instead of questions: "You've been poisoned while I was gone. Strychnine, wasn't it?" A tiny nod. "Well, I'm glad to tell you that I can identify that sort of poison with my scanners, and there isn't any on your meal. Nor is there any other sort of unwelcome substance."

Gavin eyed the food suspiciously.  
"You trust me, don't you?" He didn't enjoy guilt-tripping Gavin into eating, but if that was going to help him, then it was the only solution the android currently had.  
"I.. I do, Nines! Phck," he leaned forward, hands coming up to hide his face, "I just can't help it! I used to want to die, and now... now I'm gripping onto the life I still have left. I'm scared they're gonna come for me, I don't want them to take you away again!" His shoulders began to shake, and a quiet sob escaped him. "I don't understand how this happened. I used to be so brave, and now... just look at me, jumping at every shadow I see." Nines didn't mention that Gavin only had put on a confident mask ever since he got to know him. That statement wouldn't be very beneficial right now.

Nines got up and grabbed a towel from the kitchen, wetting it with cool water.  
Instead of handing the item to Gavin, he directly took his burned hand and wrapped it around it loosely. It was a good sign the other didn't refuse.  
"Can you please tell me what happened while you were alone? Connor told me you've been missing for two weeks before you sent them your location. I only want to understand you, Gavin. I don't want you to go through this alone." He didn't need to force himself to sound sincere like he used to at the beginning a few times. He was genuinely concerned, and he let it sound in his voice.  
Gavin stared down at the container with food on his lap, before setting it back on the coffee table to pull his legs up on the sofa, knees coming up to his chest.

"I was desperate to find you after you've been taken. I wanted to find you as quickly as possible, even if it meant putting my own life at risk," he took a shaking breath. "I went to Eli, and asked for some equipment to find you. I had a weird hunch on how to find you - through the deep web as you.. and Fowler know. I looked through so many sites, so many disgusting and vile pages filled with scary shit." Nines scooted a little closer, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders, and Gavin leaned back against him, head resting on his chest, over his artificial beating heart. "I found what I've been looking for, but I was caught snooping around in their chat. One night, the computer got hacked, and they.. they turned on the camera in the chat. I thought I was going to get _murdered_. In that moment, seeing myself on the screen, I felt this odd sensation of being watched."  
Nines pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. "You still feel like that, don't you?"  
He nodded. "The night I got caught, Ava got killed and left here as my second 'warning'. I fell asleep for.. one hour or something, and I woke up to find that someone had been in here. They had been _here_ , had the opportunity to _kill me_. But they didn't. I still don't get why. So, after I didn't feel safe in my own home anymore, I was outside. Slept in parks or train stations if I ever decided to sleep. But usually I kept on the move, trying to get information from the group in order to finally get back to you." Grey eyes looked up into his.

Nines felt touched by the display of love - but Gavin still had acted foolishly and irresponsibly.  
It was incredible to hear how much the human body could endure until it broke down. And now he had to figure out how to put the puzzle pieces of Gavin back together. But he knew they could do it. Together they were the perfect team - not perfect in the general definition. Though they completed each other with their individual flaws; it was far better than perfection.

"Gavin, you know that I love you, don't you?" He received a nod.  
"You know I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt you." His eyes shimmered with the building tears.  
"Then, please, trust me when I say that you are going to be okay. That you can eat, and sleep and be happy without worrying about those people anymore. We can even move somewhere else if you'd like."  
Gavin looked unsure. He didn't doubt the words, nor Nines' willingness to protect him, the android could see there was something else bothering him. "What if I let my guard down, Nines? Just once? What if that would be enough for them to strike?"  
"Then you will be delighted to hear that I am a state-of-the-art RK900 military model, able to take them down before they can even say 'tin can'."  
His partner let out a quiet chuckle. "Arrogant toaster."  
"My beloved meat bag."  
Gavin snorted: "Don't say it like that!"

* * *

It was still not easy for Gavin to eat anything that hadn't been prepared before him or didn't come out of the snack machine after he himself had bought it.  
Sleeping was still a task that his body interrupted. Gavin couldn't bring himself to keep laying in bed with the lights off for long, and he would jump up from the mattress in the middle of the night to turn on the one in the living room to not disturb Nines while he slept. Watching TV was still more productive than laying awake restlessly, in the detective's opinion, just waiting for a noise out of the norm to sound.  
He still got scared easily, and apparently it was obvious enough for Fowler to only keep him at his desk, doing the most boring of paper work to have ever existed. Maybe Nines had told him what had happened? Dick move, that would have been.

But as the days passed, he felt safer. Not that his need for caution had gone down though. He still couldn't stand people looking at him, nor their touches. He refused to take his meds as they made him sleepy at random and Nines' prying didn't make the decision to go without any easier.

Gavin felt horrible about his behaviour. Why couldn't he just go back to how he used to be? Nines surely wasn't happy about having to do everything and more for him. Driving, cooking, laying in bed next to him with the android expected to stay awake and alert while he tried to find some rest, trying to hide the fact that his partner passed out at his desk at work so Fowler wouldn't get angry - the man understood that he had gone through something traumatic, but he was still Captain in the precinct and work just had to be done.

Richard had told him he had been delirious at some points the last one and a half week. He apparently had said things that made little sense for his partner. Gavin didn't deny it. He knew about a few times he had been rambling about dumb shit that only a brain like his could produce. Didn't make him feel any more confident about getting better though- NO! No.. he had to get better.  
He couldn't live the rest of his life like this. He had sacrificed all to find Nines, and he damn well would find his old burning fire again to kick the world's ass!

* * *

Once the trial was over, the criminals behind bars and his fine dealt with months later, life was better.

Having witnessed how these assholes were walked out of the courtroom, handcuffs around their wrists, had apparently been satisfying enough for his mind to slowly shut up about everyone wanting to kill him. Nothing had happened in the six months, nothing bad that is.  
So he started sleeping again, curled up close to his boyfriend. There was nothing better in the morning than waking up to this beautiful face.  
He started eating again, and after having cooked for himself for a while now, he had decided that it wasn't so bad and thus kept a healthy diet...  
Okay, health _ier_ than before at least - there was nothing wrong about sneaking a donut here and there and his inevitable coffee consumption at and specifically for work. But it was much better than not eating at all.

They became a great team both in the field, and at the precinct with the most menial tasks; chasing suspects who tried to run became easier to catch the more they could communicate with just a single glance at each other, an odd understanding just the two of them had. Or just the simplest of paperwork, which they completed with Nines usually writing reports as he was much faster, while Gavin tried his best to keep up, but ultimately was left to file the shit away.  
Nines and him also went through all his old psychology books again, a small hobby that had started some time ago. New ideas on how to get their suspects to talk were discussed in the evening over dinner or while watching TV. It was their time, spent on the couch lazily while they held hands.

"I'm glad that we finally managed to find the time to meet again, Gavin. I was scared you forgot about me," Elijah smiled at his brother who was sitting next to him on the armchair, looking out the window panels at the snow draped landscape outside. It was freezing outside.  
"Forget about someone as insufferably arrogant like you? Fat chance," the detective answered.  
They laughed, both unsure of who actually was more arrogant out of the two of them.

Gavin lifted the mug of coffee to his lips, sipping the hot beverage slowly. "What've you been up to, Eli?"  
"Oh, I've spent some time on getting rid of the viruses riddling the computer I lent to you. Pretty naughty websites you've been on. I was nearly sad to see that none of it had been porn."  
The other raised an eyebrow, giving his older brother a questioning look. "How that? Dirty pig."  
"Well, considering your presence in the deep web, a dangerous place might I add-" "You shan't." "-I would have rather found PornHub opened than these websites about.. human and android trafficking."  
"Yeah, please, let us not talk about that anymore. Just go on; I know that wasn't the only thing you've been doing for months." Gavin didn't want to talk about the things he'd seen on the Internet. It was still disgusting and scary.

"You're not wrong, detective. I've been busying myself with a new project. A new android model with new functions able to consume food and drink, the capacity to sleep and dream and charge from rest and thirium alone instead of these space consuming pods.  
"Basically, an android who looks more human than any other model. What for? To infiltrate some group?"  
Elijah smiled smugly: "That's a surprise. Now, do tell me all about your life, Gavin. I'm curious. You look happy; is it RK- Richard's doing?"  
The shorter man leaned back in a relaxed manner, running his fingers through his hair.

"You could say that Richard has something to do with my better mood." A knowing smile spread over his lips, and his eyes wandered down to gaze at the dark contents of his mug.  
"I'm very happy to hear that."  
Gavin was happy, too.

He put the cup down when his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He looked at the screen, seeing a message from the very person they were talking about. "Ah, it's time to go, Eli. Nines and I are invited to a friend's party." He got up and hugged his brother.

Elijah watched him walk out the door and into the cold snow outside, the frozen water crunching pleasantly beneath his feet. There was his old car parked outside, the RK900 model standing next to it. He didn't stand stockstill and straight as he used to when just having been activated. He was resting his hands on his hips, weight supported by one leg while the other was positioned a little more forward. It looked like a position Gavin would be standing in.  
The inventor smiled knowingly. He waved a last goodbye as they drove off.

Elijah felt energetic after this social engagement. He didn't have many visitors, if any at all. Not that this bothered him. He liked spending time in solitude and around his projects. But having his brother come over a few times was still greatly appreciated.

With newly sparked motivation, Elijah was on his way to his lab, ready to complete the final touches of the newest model he was working on. He had just put on some more comfortable clothes and finally found his misplaced glasses, when Chloe stormed into the laboratory, LED spinning yellow and her gaze fixed in a worried expression.

"Elijah, your brother just called. Richard and him were in a car accident. Richard is badly hurt - a... a truck hit them after slipping on the icy road."  
"Why did he call me instead of an ambulance?"  
"He said Richard doesn't have enough time. He's shutting down in around 15 minutes. It's barely enough time to get him here and..," Chloe looked down at the floor.  
Elijah had a rough idea as to what his assistant was hinting at, what Gavin probably had in mind as well: Transfer Richard into a hallow android before he shut down. A good thought, if he had any. But RK900 was unique, and he hadn't built another model like that, nor were any other finished one's laying around here.  
The man turned to the only option he currently had. He didn't know what consequences it would have to transfer a complicated hardware into a body with functions and processors like this, but... he wouldn't let it go untried. Not after having seen how much better Gavin was doing thanks to this android.

"Chloe, use my car to get them here as quickly as possible! I'll get everything ready for a memory transfer."

The woman nodded and jogged back towards the stairs.

Elijah had a bad feeling about this. The chances of the RK900 having all memories transferred - if at all - are unknown. He hadn't done any test runs, hadn't even activated the model once.  
But he would be damned if he didn't attempt everything.

Gavin would be damned if he failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be another book linked to this one. Basically it will be the sequel.  
> New themes, but with this story as a backstory.
> 
> I like what I have built here, and I cannot let it go to waste.


End file.
